anxiety | baby proofed parents

Picture Imperfect – A Mother’s Social Media Outtakes:: Monday Musing

September 1, 2014 By: babyproofedparents7 Comments

Facebook and I have a love/hate relationship with each other. I love that I can now recognize the sweet faces of extended family when they pick me up at airports across the ocean. We don’t have to start from scratch when catching each other up on years of news. I also love coming across an article or a post that makes me think so hard my brain hurts. And there’s that handful of FB friends who really should have considered stand-up comedy, because their daily descriptions of the most mundane activities make me laugh so whole-heartedly, they test my bladder control.

What do I hate about Facebook? That a typical scroll through my news feed leaves me feeling left out and inferior. I can’t speak for your home page, but on mine, everyone appears to be more involved, more attractive, more fulfilled and more successful in whatever endeavor they happen to be doing at the time. FB feels like the Land of the Mores and I’m hanging out in the Village of Less Than. My friends and counseling clients report similar feelings, so much so that I have begun quietly lobbying for a new therapeutic diagnosis: Social Media Syndrome – when your Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest accounts make you feel like crap. (You’ll notice that I left out Twitter, because people who tweet tend to tell you when they are having a rotten day, therefore making you feel more mainstream.)

I came across a quote recently that summed up my Facebook experience:

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steven Furtick

Amen, Steven. Facebook is not known for being a place of transparency and rawness. It’s more akin to a polished online scrapbook in which people showcase their best photos and their best days, with witty captions attached. It used to be the magazines and movies that made us feel like we had to live up to a certain ideal. Now, it is frequently our own peer group. While sitting in our toy-filled, chaotic houses, many of us parents compulsively view our friends’ sanitized, customized, Instagram-ed greatest hits. It’s like daily torture for the psyche.

You would think with all of my whining, that I would have kicked Facebook to the curb. I haven’t. If I’m being honest, I enjoy editing and presenting my own carefully crafted highlight reel. It’s a little bit art form, a little bit news sharing, and a lot of trying to score as many “likes” as possible. Alas, I’m no better than the rest of ’em. Here’s an example of a pic that made my FB cut a few years ago:

The caption next to this photo read: Sunday brunch with my boys. After posting it, I got a gazillion “likes” and a whole stream of sweet comments, including “Gorgeous family!” “ Do you ever change?” “Cute boys.”

Now let me give you this photo’s must-have-happened back-story. My husband must have been home that morning which allowed me to actually take a shower, in peace. I’m wearing a dress, which means hubby gave me a few extra minutes to shave my legs. My hair is brushed and not pulled pack in a rubber band; apparently no one threw a tantrum or needed a time-out before I finished with the hair dryer. A Curious George episode might have been involved. Everyone appears to have slept through the night – my face doesn’t look gaunt or puffy. The photo was snapped right after we arrived at the venue because my sons’ outfits (Hello – what was I thinking with the white shirt??) are spotless. (I can guarantee you that a few minutes later, that white shirt was adorned with some large, ketchup-colored stain.) One of the boys is smiling. He must have been excited about the dessert he was about to get. The other boy isn’t smiling, but hey, he isn’t crying, yelling, hitting or running. Score!! Take the photo, quick!!

Aaaand, we captured the perfect moment.

Most of our moments are not perfect. In fact, they are far from perfect. Since we’re being real here, I’ll share some parenting pics that didn’t make it to Facebook. And for good measure, I’ll attach the captions that could have been:

I just squeezed out a gigantic, screaming infant and I’m exhausted, but isn’t he gorgeous?

Yes, my nostrils, eyes and hair are fun to stick fingers in. All of the time. Said no mom ever.

You are a man-child and you really want me to hold you? Ok, c’mon up baby.

Is his life jacket suffocating him? Is he too hot? Can my worry lines get any more creased?

Stick a fork in me, I’m done. Kids are finally in bed. Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me. Don’t even come close enough to focus that camera. Just. Don’t.

Yes, we’re doing bath time, for the 245th time this year. Need anything?

This is my favorite, clearly taken by a four year old. I call it, “A Typical Day in the Life”, complete with teething baby, glasses, sweats, folded laundry, stacking cups and…mess.

So there you have it, my behind-the-scenes. They’re not pretty, they’re not shiny and they didn’t make the Facebook cut. But they are real and authentic, and they’re my life.

When my clients complain about the insecurities that social and mainstream media trigger for them, I encourage them to envision the back-stories. For every perfect photo, there are ten outtakes that were not so perfect. Even actress Olivia Wilde admitted that her infant son peed all over her couture dress during her latest breast-feeding photo-shoot for Glamour. After being a therapist for many years, and having hundreds, maybe thousands of clients sit on my couch, I’ve observed that everyone has their pee-accidents, their gunk and their bad days. Everyone. Sometimes the folks that look the shiniest and most polished on the outside are the messiest on the inside.

Ten years ago we admired our friends’ scrap books and special photo albums once a year, if that. Now we look at them every hour. Limit your usage and take breaks from social media when needed. Or get off of Facebook and social networks all together if they are bringing you down. That will give you more time to enjoy your own messy outtakes and unique lifetime movie. It might not be perfect, but it’s all yours. And that equals perfection in my book.

Here’s to sanity and pee-soaked couture,

Kirsten

Yes, that is a posed, Photoshopped head-shot pictured above. (Part of my highlights reel, for sure.)

And now that I have completely bashed social media, here is your opportunity to share. ; )

It’s Not About The Stuff :: Tuesday Tip

July 1, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Registering for gifts has always made me very happy. The little pricing gun, watching your online tracking list dwindle down, knowing the presents you open were pre-selected – it’s a beautiful process. When it came time to register for our first baby shower, J and I were told about “The List” – a popular big box baby store’s print out of suggested must-have baby items. We stopped by to grab a copy. I stood very still, staring at what seemed to be over 200 items. This thought flashed through my mind: “What the hell is ‘layette’? Le what? Le who?” Seeing the look on my face, J gently removed The List from my death grip and led me to the Thai restaurant next door. Mus Mun curry with chicken makes everything better.

Fast forward to a gorgeous Saturday morning at one of my favorite south Austin coffee spots. I noticed a woman pushing the stroller of my dreams – compact, easy to maneuver, and red. When I asked her about it, we fell into a conversation about how much stuff you can feel pressure to buy. I loved her spin, “All your baby really needs is a soft place to sleep and your boobs.”

I found peace somewhere in the middle. I was lucky enough to have several awesome mama friends who combed through The List with me, voting on the items they agreed were essential. They had saved tons of gently used baby gear for me, and we registered for/bought a few things we were pretty certain we’d need, because of their function or their irresistible cuteness. Some things on The List actually became needs later, requiring some post-baby shopping. Through it all, I kept reminding myself that as long as our little one had us, we’d all survive.

The nesting instinct that comes over parents can be intense. If used for good, it can result in completed projects, an organized house, and a calm, centered you. If gone awry, it can convince you that you should be afraid, you should buy everything on multiple Lists, and if you don’t have a microwavable steamer bottle sterilizer that doubles as a baby monitor… game over. Deep, deep breaths. It’s not about the stuff. The most valuable thing you can give your baby is a healthy you – your arms, your milk and your sanity.

BPP Sanity Saving Tips:

Remember that lists of “Must-Haves” can be treated more as “Helpful Suggestions.” Ask moms you admire for advice on what to procure before baby’s arrival, and what can wait, if it’s needed at all.
Arrange in advance for someone to make runs for baby items you later realize would really help (and groceries, and Mus Mun with chicken).
If you start to feel overwhelmed or unprepared, remind yourself of the truest essential for your baby: love. Pretty sure you’ve got a lot of that.

Here’s To Sanity and Layette,

Cheryl

Climbing Out Of The Darkness :: Wednesday Wisdom

May 14, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Meet A’Driane Nieves. She is a Postpartum Depression and Anxiety survivor who writes about navigating the nuances of motherhood and Bipolar Disorder Type 2. A’Driane is also a USAF disabled veteran, writer and artist best known for her love of Prince (He re-tweeted her once!), and her hot pink streaked afro. You can read her mind at her blog Butterfly-Confessions.com, and read her random thoughts on Twitter (@addyeB). She was most recently named one of BlogHer’s Voices of the Year for 2014. She lives in Austin, Texas with her futurist husband and three boys.

BPP: You have written extensively and beautifully about your battle with post-partum depression. Can you briefly share what living with PPD was like for you?

AD: For me, living with PPD was like living in a dark room that you’re constantly stumbling around in, trying to find a light switch. At the same time, I felt like I was sitting atop a speeding train and had no idea where I was headed. It was a very unsettling and dark period in my life. It was like someone came in and robbed me of myself, of my being, and left nothing but this shell of a person. I felt lost. Very, very lost.

BPP: How did you recognize that your symptoms were more than the average “baby blues”?

AD: I knew something was wrong when my son (now four years old) was around three months old. He had moderate reflux during those early months and constantly wanted to be held. His crying was very triggering for me. He would cry and I would immediately break out into a sweat. My thoughts would become scattered, my heart would race, my body would tense up and I’d think about running away. On top of anxiety, I also experienced rage and deep wells of depression once the rage would dissipate. The rage was scary – it was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. It would come on unexpectedly, usually triggered by something as minor as my older son spilling something. It was so intense, I’d be shaking. I did a lot of screaming, which I still carry a lot of shame about. I spent a lot of time hiding in the bathroom, crying, consumed with guilt and wondering why I couldn’t enjoy my children. When I was at my worst, I felt completely overwhelmed and incapable of being a “good” mother. I had intrusive thoughts – scary thoughts would flash through my mind while I was driving, cooking or bathing my kids. I dreaded each day, having to talk to people and even having to hold my son. There were days I was so “touched out”, holding him or having my oldest give me a hug would make my skin crawl. It was awful. Truly awful. It was hell. I felt so lost. Had no idea what was happening to me.

BPP: What helped you to finally “climb out of the darkness” and overcome your PPD?

AD: When my son was ten months old, I remember being so consumed with sadness for two weeks that I was suicidal. It was January 2011. I remember sitting down in my closet one night after my kids had finally gone to bed, closing the door and I just lost it right there, not understanding what was wrong with me, and wanting relief from it. I had heard of Postpartum Depression but I didn’t really know much about it – I knew of no other women in my life who had it, and my OB didn’t discuss it with me. When I had mentioned at my six week visit I felt “off” he said it was normal, just hormones, and wrote me a prescription for an anti-depressant (if I felt I needed to use it). That was it. So I Googled some of my symptoms and the first site that came up in the search results was Postpartum Progress. I read the “Plain Mama English” guides on what PPD and other postpartum-related mental illnesses were and finally felt like I had an idea as to what I had been experiencing. I emailed Katherine Stone (the founder) and the next day, she responded, reassuring me that I would be OK, I wasn’t a bad mother and that what I had was treatable – I just needed to seek help. She directed me to the Postpartum Stress Center in Rosemont, PA, and that’s where I began treatment. Saved my life. What also helped during my recovery was finding #PPDChat on Twitter, run by Lauren Hale of My Postpartum Voice. It’s a weekly chat on Twitter that offers peer support from other women who are still struggling and those who are survivors.

BPP: Can you share more about Post-Partum Progress and it’s mission?

AD: Postpartum Progress is a nonprofit laser focused on improving maternal mental health by increasing awareness of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders like PPD and giving mothers tools that connect them to the help they need. Postpartum Progress is all about ensuring mothers know the facts on perinatal mental illness, encouraging them to seek treatment as soon as possible, and eliminating the stigma surrounding these illnesses that keep so many women silent and untreated every year. They empower moms to care for their mental health, which in turn helps their families have the strongest start possible. It is now known that 1 in 7 mothers experiences a perinatal mental illness like PPD – it is the most common complication of childbirth, impacting over 1 million women every year in just the US alone. Yet only 15% of those impacted receive adequate treatment, so that means more than half a million women are going untreated every year. Research shows that untreated depression in mothers has a long-term impact on their children’s development, which really makes this not just a women’s health issue but a children’s health issue as well. The good news is that perinatal mental illnesses are treatable! Postpartum Progress works hard to create outreach and support programs that help mothers as they work toward recovery. The community Katherine has built over the last 10 years through Postpartum Progress is just amazing – I’ve never met a braver or more authentic community of women. So supportive and committed to changing the conversation about mental health and effecting change. Katherine calls women who suffer from perinatal mental illnesses Warrior Moms, and the Warrior Mom Army is FIERCE.

BPP: How are you currently advocating for PPD awareness and outreach?

AD: Right now most of my advocacy revolves around helping Postpartum Progress in any way I can. I’m on the editorial team for the blog. I participated in this year’s Mother’s Day Rally for Moms, an annual event Postpartum Progress holds on the blog every year to encourage pregnant and new moms who are suffering and working their way to recovery. I’m heavily involved with fundraising for Postpartum Progress through its annual fundraising & awareness event called Climb Out of the Darkness. On June 21st, the longest day of the year, Warrior Moms all over the world will be climbing, walking, and hiking to represent our rising out of the darkness of PPD and related illness and into the light and hope of recovery. It is the world’s largest event raising awareness of postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety and OCD, postpartum PTSD, postpartum psychosis, postpartum bipolar disorder and depression and anxiety during pregnancy. I’m also co-chairing the upcoming Warrior Mom Conference which is taking place next summer in Boston. We’ll be getting together with moms from all over the country to celebrate recovery and get skills training on how to better advocate for maternal mental health in our own communities. On a smaller scale, I do what I can to help destigmatize ALL mental illness by sharing from my personal experience on my blog and other social media.

BPP: Can you share some common misconceptions about PPD?

AD: I think one of the biggest misconceptions about PPD is that if you have it, you’re just sad all the time, which isn’t the case for so many women I know. There’s a wide range of symptoms that women can experience based on what type of illness they are suffering from that are very rarely discussed. I mentioned rage eariler – no one ever told me that rage was a symptom of depression, or that noises like an infant crying could trigger an anxiety or panic attack. The other big misconception is that if you just do all the “right” things – eat right, exercise, adopt a certain parenting lifestyle, etc., you will avoid developing PPD, and that it’s something you can just get rid of on your own. PPD and related illnesses don’t discriminate. In fact, most women have their first depressive episode in the first year postpartum. And PPD doesn’t just go away when it’s left untreated. As I mentioned before it can have a long-term impact on the health of mothers and their babies if never treated properly.

BPP: What is your life like now as a mother?

AD: Life as a mother now is…chaotic but manageable! I have three boys now – a 7, 4, and 6 mo and life is super busy. There are hard days and moments where I’m overwhelmed but I’m grateful to have a treatment plan that works for me, and a solid support system that includes fellow Warrior Moms. (They seriously are the freaking best.) My bond with all three of my children (even the one I had PPD with) is rock solid. My postpartum experience with my 6mo has been the complete opposite of what I experienced 4 years ago. Having support, and being aware really does make all the difference. I love being a mom now. I don’t dread it like I did during those dark days.

BPP: You are a seasoned and well-known blogger. Can you talk about how writing has helped you in your battle with a mood-disorder?

AD: I’ve always been a writer but I started my blog as a way to help me just brain dump all that I had going on four years ago. Writing has always helped me process what I’m wrestling my way through, and my blog has definitely helped me navigate the ups and downs of motherhood and mental illness. It’s given me a safe place to go to, you know? It’s the one place I know I can go and just be completely vulnerable, sharing whatever it is that comes out when I start typing on the keyboard. It gives me insight into myself, and helps me articulate something that I might be having a hard time explaining out loud to someone like my husband or psychiatrist. I t also helps me feel less alone. People will read and comment, and say, “Hey, me too,” and that helps me keep fighting on the hard days. Even when no one reads and there aren’t any comments, just having that space to say what I need to is crucial. My hope is that by being completely honest and vulnerable there, I can leave an archive that my boys can read when they’re older. They might want to understand who I was as a person living with mental illness, a woman and their mother.

BPP: What advice would you give to any new mother (or father) who feels like they are sinking emotionally after bringing a baby into their life?

AD: You are not alone. You are not “crazy”. You are not a bad parent for feeling the way you do, and it’s not your fault you feel this way. You are loved and worthy and the very best parent for your child. Be honest with yourself about what you’re experiencing. Seek professional help. Be your own advocate-fight for yourself like you would for your child or even for yourself if you had a physical illness like cancer. Find support groups both online and off. Let others help you. It gets better. It really does. It did for me.

A’Driane, thank you, thank you for sharing your story with us and for advocating so passionately for other parents who struggle with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. Your dedication and transparency are true gifts to other new mothers and fathers. – C & K ♥

Want to contribute to Team Austin’s Climb Out of the Darkness Fundraiser? https://www.crowdrise.com/addyeB-COTD2014/fundraiser/addyeB

Want to read more about A’Driane? Check out her blog: http://butterfly-confessions.com/

Want to learn more about Postpartum Progress? http://www.postpartumprogress.com/about

Read Katherine Stone’s Call to Action on National Healthy Babies Healthy Mother’s Coalition’s site for their “May Campaign” initiative during Maternal Mental Health Week (this week!): http://www.hmhb.org/2014/05/maternal-mental-health-call-to-action/

On Postpartum Depression and Anxiety :: Wednesday Wisdom

April 1, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Postpartum depression and anxiety are issues that affect many women, and yet our society does not discuss or address these topics nearly enough. That is why we are featuring the expertise of Dr. Kelly Boyd for this week’s Wednesday Wisdom. Dr. Boyd is a licensed psychologist with a private practice in Round Rock, Texas, specializing in reproductive related issues including endometriosis, fertility/assisted reproduction, high-risk pregnancy, pregnancy and postpartum anxiety/depression, NICU issues, medical termination, and perinatal grief and loss. She is on the advisory board of the Pregnancy and Postpartum Health Alliance of Texas, the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals and is an active member of Postpartum Support International.

Dr. Boyd facilitates a free weekly postpartum support group at Any Baby Can, and also does a bi-monthly pregnancy and infant loss group at St. David’s Hospital. She’s the mother of two teens and is very active within the parenting support community. We are so honored to feature her experience and insight on postpartum issues, which impact so many parents, yet are surrounded by much unnecessary stigma, rendering them difficult to openly discuss. And they need to be openly discussed.

BPP: How do you define “Reproductive Psychology”, and what drew you to focusing your practice on these issues?

DKB: Reproductive psychology is defined as the practice of emotional support and counseling given to individuals, families and groups dealing with various types of reproductive issues that don’t go as planned in any part of the reproductive process.

Many people assume the reproductive process will just happen, but often it does not, and we are faced with statements and experiences that can result in feeling “it wasn’t supposed to be like this”. Often these struggles can be traumatic and can affect a person/relationship physically, emotionally, relationally, financially and spiritually. Supportive reproductive counseling can help the person become more aware, gain insight and feel less alone in a process that often feels scary or out of control.

I became interested in reproductive psychology after personally experiencing many of these issues myself. I also began to notice something unique about the assessment and treatment of reproductive related depression, anxiety and grief. While there was tremendous medical care for families, little was being done to emotionally support families through reproductive challenges. So, I became passionate about serving and educating the community and health professionals about the psychology of the reproductive process.

BPP: What are a few major differences between postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety?

DKB: One of my passions is educating about postpartum mood and anxiety disorders. People often only refer to “postpartum depression”, but it’s often not only depressive symptoms. Many women experience both depression and anxiety, and sometimes more of one than the other. Postpartum panic, postpartum OCD and postpartum PTSD also fall under the umbrella of postpartum anxiety disorders. Here are some of the main differences:

Postpartum Depression includes:

Sadness, irritability, excessive guilt, changes in eating and sleeping, difficulty concentrating, hopelessness, decreased interest in self, baby or things that were once enjoyable.

Postpartum Anxiety includes:

Excessive worry or fear about the baby, health issues, fear that something terrible may happen, panic attacks, difficulty breathing, fear of losing control. Postpartum OCD (a sub-symptom of anxiety) often includes repetitive, obsessive scary thoughts about harm to the self, baby or family. Postpartum PTSD often happens with a traumatic birth experience and can include many of the above symptoms with the inclusion of nightmares, flashbacks and a re-experiencing of the trauma.

BPP: We imagine that when you meet new clients with postpartum issues, you sometimes wish they’d contacted you sooner. What are some early signs that a woman should reach out for help?

DKB: Often women don’t reach out for help because they are not sure what’s happening, or because of shame and guilt about how they are feeling at a time our society often says is the happiest time in a woman’s life.

Warning signs indicating a need for help:

Increased isolation and loneliness
Prior mental health history in self or family that has worsened during pregnancy or postpartum
Lack of support or relationships with the baby, partners and friends are becoming affected
Sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts, difficulty with breast feeding may also cause changes in mood that may signal the need for help.
Fear of losing control and a sense of being overwhelmed by everything

BPP: When you meet a woman struggling with postpartum depression or anxiety, what resources do you try to mobilize for her?

DKB: Individual and couples counseling, postpartum support groups, online support and blogs, increased social support systems, additional support for increasing sleep, nutritional needs, breaks for self care, exercise, massage, acupuncture, meditation/yoga, supplements and/or medication assessment.

BPP: What advice do you have for parenting partners, friends and family members of women struggling with these issues?

Be supportive and listen to her fears, feelings and concerns. Validate that most of this is a time limited hormonal and life style adjustment that will improve.
Remind them that they are not alone. This is not forever and not a reflection of the type of parent they are. It is time limited, and with help, increased support and awareness about postpartum issues, they will get well.
Educate everyone about what postpartum IS, and what it is NOT. There are many myths. Get the facts. Great resources for families are Postpartum Support International and Postpartum Progress.
Hire and/or give additional help with household chores, night time baby wakings, sleep and self care time.

BPP: Why do you think postpartum issues are so difficult for women to talk about?

DKB: Because of the shame and stigma of maternal emotions being anything other than joyous. There are so many motherhood myths and pressures on new parents, and often we are taught to not talk about difficult or painful emotions regarding our children or adjustment to our new role. Many women also fear that they will be judged as not being a “good mom” if they express how they truly feel at times. Additionally, many express a fear of being viewed as weak or a failure if they don’t get it “just right”. Lastly, our media has mainly profiled extreme cases of postpartum psychosis, and many women fear they will become like that, or associated with the idea that they may harm themselves or their children if they talk about postpartum issues. This is simply not true. Postpartum psychosis is rare. Postpartum anxiety and depression are very common, treatable and are nothing to be ashamed about.

BPP: What would you say to a woman who feels intense shame about her postpartum issues?

DKB: What’s most important is that women realize this is a treatable, time limited experience. With help, increased education, awareness and support, they will get well. It’s not a reflection of them or their parenting. It’s something we get through and are often better for it after we heal and get the well deserved support.

BPP: What are things expectant parents can do before baby’s arrival to prepare for the possibility of postpartum issues?

DKB: Women and families should consider getting support and educated in their pregnancy. Identify potential risk factors, and develop a postpartum intervention/prevention plan. Assess needs for all family members and get resources lined up before the baby arrives. A good prevention plan, open discussion about feelings, fears, expectations regarding sleep, feedings, household chores and transitions often significantly decreases postpartum distress for everyone.

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?

DKB: “Please place your own oxygen mask on, before assisting others.”
Many new parents are forgetting how important it is to care for self because they solely focus on the baby or others, often resulting in depletion and exhaustion. Take time for self, which in turn will be a benefit for everyone!

Thank you, Dr. Boyd, for your insight into these incredibly important issues, that we hope will be talked about more and more openly.

Here’s To More Sanity and Less Shame,

C & K ♥

Labor & Delivery Nurse :: Wednesday Wisdom

February 11, 2014 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

Emmy, her fiancé, Ross, and Charlotte.

One of the goals of this blog is to share the experiences and wisdom of the amazing peeps who help deliver babies into the world. We will be featuring interviews with midwives, ObGyn’s, and doulas, presenting a wide range of opinions and perspectives. For this Wednesday’s Wisdom, we are talking with Labor and Delivery Nurse, Emmy Voosen, RN. Emmy graduated from UT Austin’s nursing school in 2011. She has worked as an L&D nurse for the last two years and genuinely adores her job. Emmy says that, “Bringing new life into the world is overwhelmingly rewarding and exciting!”

BPP: Emmy, you seem to have chosen the right career path – it is evident how much you love what you do. How did you decide to become a labor and delivery nurse?
EV: It was very easy, actually. My mother was a labor and delivery nurse and I can remember thinking, ‘Man, coolest job ever!’ as a child. I followed my childhood dream, and there isn’t a doubt in my mind that this is where I am supposed to be.

BPP: Approximately how many births have you assisted with?
EV: Oh, goodness. Too many to count!

BPP: What has surprised you the most about being an L&D nurse?
EV: The stress level. Although deliveries usually bring smiles and happy times, some nights are so busy (darn those full moons!) that there is little to no time to use the restroom, drink water, or even sit down during the 12 hour shift. It is a good thing I love what I do!

BPP: Any suggestions on how parents-to-be can prepare for labor, delivery and/or postpartum recovery?
EV: Attend prenatal classes. In my experience, mothers and fathers who do so are less anxious and have a better idea of what to expect. Look around your area! Here in New Braunfels at Christus Santa Rosa Hospital, multiple classes are offered—including breastfeeding, childbirth preparation, big brother/big sister, and how to take care of mom/baby once you’re home. There are tons of resources out there to help expectant and new moms and their families.

BPP: In your opinion, advantages and disadvantages of having a hospital birth?
EV: After seeing some of the things that can go wrong during childbirth, I could not, in good conscience, recommend that anyone give birth outside of a hospital (just my opinion). Although hospitals can feel sterile and cold, there is a comfort in knowing that you are surrounded by professionals equipped to handle emergencies for mother and baby, and that you are close to an OR if a cesarean section becomes necessary. Some of the benefits of delivering at home or in a birthing center, not within a hospital, would be the comfort and familiarity of the environment and freedom to move and change positions without being on continuous fetal monitoring. However, it all comes down to making informed decisions and personal preferences.

BPP: Do you have a favorite birth story?
EV: Being my cousin’s nurse for the birth of her first daughter (she has 3 boys!) will always have a special place in my heart. It was an honor to be her nurse and witness another miracle of life.

BPP: How can birth partners be helpful to the woman who is delivering?
EV: Take prenatal classes together. Discuss the mother’s plan and wishes for labor so the partner is on the same page and knows how to support her best. Simply be present (examples: hold her hand, rub her back.) Every woman is different, but having a partner there to listen to your needs/requests/complaints and provide unconditional support is extremely helpful during the challenging, yet rewarding, process of labor and delivery.

BPP: How do you interact with doulas and midwives who are in the delivery room with the expecting parents?
EV: We work as a team. It is their job as well as mine to advocate for the patient. We collaborate to provide the best care for the expectant mother and her family.

BPP: You have not become a parent yet. Has being an L&D nurse impacted your views and plans for starting a family?
EV: Definitely! Being an L&D nurse has really opened my eyes. I have seen the love and joy that is brought on with the birth of a new baby, but I have also encountered just how much work this new bundle of joy can be. Having a baby is life changing and I have come to realize that there will be a time for me, but just not right now. ; )

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?
EV: This is more for mothers-to-be, but I would recommend becoming educated on the process, while keeping an open mind when it comes to your labor and childbirth experience. Often times, people have rigid and specific birth plans. This can lead to more anxiety and, occasionally, feelings of failure if things don’t go exactly as planned. Also, use the nurses, ask questions, and let us know how we can make you most comfortable during the labor process. We are there to support you during this exciting, yet nerve-racking experience!

Emmy’s Sanity Savers:

Take prenatal classes with your birth partner so that you both feel informed and prepared for childbirth and postpartum recovery. (We personally recommend a baby proofed parents workshop. Just sayin’.)
Keep an open mind about the labor and delivery process. Be informed, think positively and then go with the flow.
Communicate openly and freely with your nurse (or midwife or doula). If they’re anything like Emmy, they feel honored to be part of your birth experience and they want to support you in any way they can!

Thanks Emmy – great pointers for any expecting couple, whether they are planning a hospital or home birth! – C & K ♥

Are You Strong Enough? :: Sunday Sanity

February 1, 2014 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

Yes. Yes. Yes.

My first pregnancy was blissful, until I developed a weird rash on the right side of my belly a week before my due date. At first I thought it was a spider bite, and went straight to a local walk-in clinic. The doc took one look and said, “Staph.” He prescribed one of the few antibiotics safe for pregnancy, and gave me a very stern talking to about the risks of my baby being exposed to the infection. I left my bliss in his office. All of my confidence drained out, replaced by fear. Visions of cuddling skin-to-skin with my sweet new born morphed into visions of protecting her from certain infection, switching soft blankets for a body condom… my anxiety went through the roof.

After a few days, the antibiotics didn’t diminish the rash, and I made an appointment with my dermatologist. I love her. She is smart, quirky and wears wicked-cool glasses. I lifted my shirt and dumped out my fears, which, as it turns out, had very little to do with the rash. My fears were about the gravity of what was about to happen to my body, to my marriage, to my identity, to my life. Who was I kidding? I couldn’t do this. She smiled at me, and looking me right in the eyes, said, “You are so strong. You’re going to be just fine.”

Sweet relief. I walked out of there with a diagnosis of contact dermatitis, a sample of cream that cleared it up completely, and a renewed sense of strength that can only come from the words of another strong woman who has been there. Her voice made all the difference.

I was unburdened. A few nights later, I gave birth to my daughter. Looking back, I am amazed at how penetrating these two experiences were. I saw myself as a force, and my standard motto for most things, including birth, was “bring it ON.” It startled me when the first doctor’s fear-based approach obliterated my confidence, and days later the simple words of encouragement from my dermatologist restored it completely. To be a parent, you have to be a bit insane, and a bit stable. And since you’re in a constant state of change and flux, you’re naturally more susceptible to the feedback around you. The messages you expose yourself to during your preparation for the arrival of a baby can make a huge difference in your ability to access your strength.

When I recall the moments in my life when I felt the strongest and most resourceful, it was at the births of my two children. Other things that feel challenging wither when I compare them to that power. That you are even contemplating taking on responsibility for a life means that you are innately strong and capable. Remember that no matter what your birth story winds up being or was, you made a person, you brought or are about to bring a person out into the world, or you’ve chosen to adopt a baby and add a sweet life to your family. Nothing can diminish this, absolutely nothing. You are strong. You can do this. And if you already did this, DAMN. You did this.

BPP Sanity Savers:

Be mindful of the way you talk to yourself while preparing for your baby. Be gentle and encouraging.
Surround yourself with positive friends and family members who bring out the best in you.
Remember that your strength transcends the arrival of your baby – it is always with you.

Here’s to Strength and Sanity,

Cheryl