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Postpartum Survival Guide :: Wednesday Wisdom

May 27, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

This invaluable list of suggestions for new parents was originally posted on the Austin Born Blog. We loved it so much, we asked if we could share it with our followers. The list was compiled by a group of new mothers who were attending The Circle, a postpartum group offered for when motherhood is not Pinterest perfect.

This new motherhood gig can be tough — we believe that support from our peers is an important part of working through the struggles and ultimately finding joy. At the last Circle meetup, we talked about how a mother is born every time that a first baby is born. In spite of this truth, becoming a mother is not always something that happens simply and effortlessly. In fact, we are finding that giving birth to this new aspect of our identities is a lot more challenging than we thought it would be, back in our pre-baby days. We all spent a lot of time preparing for the birth of our babies–we took classes, hired doulas, read books, bought stuff–but so little time and energy preparing our selves to become mothers. We wanted to offer some advice to our friends who haven’t had their babies yet, so they could be a bit more prepared than we were. Here is our collective wisdom, from some new mamas to soon-to-be mamas:

Plan.

Don’t wait to figure it out on the fly. Don’t obsess about the birth to the exclusion of what comes after. The birth is one day (maybe two), but your baby will be yours for the rest of your life.

Start now reflecting on your needs and planning ahead for the weeks and months after baby. Think, “Who am I? What things do I need to have space and time to do to feel like myself?” This could be anything from time to read the New York Times on Sunday morning to a chance to go to Target by yourself to whatever floats your boat. What do you need to feel like you? Communicate this to your partner and make it a priority after baby.

Find help and outsource what you can before baby arrives.

Find a new mom group and a lactation consultant before you desperately need them and are too tired and frazzled to search.

Instead of a lot of cute onesies, register for things like a prepared meal service, diaper service, cleaning service, postpartum doula care, and new mom group fees (such as an AustinMama Pass or Partners in Parenting). This kind of stuff is going to help you a lot more than 20 receiving blankets.

Slow down.

You are not going to bounce back to your old life anytime soon after giving birth. You will have more on your plate than you can imagine right now, and the demands of your baby will at times seem overwhelming. Do not expect to do everything or even most things you used to do.

Celebrate the small achievements.

Driving alone with baby for the first time. Waking up before your baby does without panicking that she/he has stopped breathing. Brushing your teeth and taking a shower before noon. Right now you can’t imagine how enormous these accomplishments will seem to you, but when they come, celebrate them. Tell yourself what an amazing job you are doing, and be proud.

Tell your friends to keep calling you.

Sometimes a big gulf can open up between friends-who-are-now-moms and friends-who-are-child-free. This doesn’t have to be so, and no one really wants it to happen. So tell your friends to keep inviting you to things, but to not take it personally or give up asking if you decline the invitation 9 times out of 10. It is nice to know that people still want you around.

You can’t win.

No matter what choice you make, there will be guilt and blame. If you choose to stay home with your child and not return to paid work right away, you will miss being with people and feeling the sense of accomplishment you used to feel at your job well done. If you choose to return to your outside job, you will feel guilty about leaving your child with others and even about enjoying your time away. This is just one hot-button example, but there are a million parenting decisions to make about feeding/sleeping/diapering/training/clothing/whatever your child, and there will always be a voice in your head and several voices around you telling you that you have chosen wrongly. You have to decide what is right for you, and tell everyone (including your own inner guilt-voice) to shut up.

Every baby is different, and everyone has their own story.

No one has all the answers, because your relationship with your baby is unique. Reading too many baby-care books and mommy blogs can make you crazy. Be kind to yourself. Also be kind to other moms, because you have no idea what they are dealing with. And if you end up caring for your newborn in a way you did not envision yourself doing it, don’t feel guilty. Cut yourself a break, and remember that you are doing the best you can with what you’ve got.

It does get better.

Every new mom struggles with something — don’t believe that anyone’s social media account tells the whole story. What we all put on Facebook is the highlight reel of our lives. It is not reality.

The days of new parenthood are loooooooooong, but with time you will find your way out of the haze and feel more and more like yourself again. Finding community and reminding yourself that you are not alone in this helps tremendously. At least it has for us!

If you live in Austin and would like to get more of this ongoing support and wisdom, consider putting an AustinMama Pass from Austin Born on your registry. Try all the groups, and find the one that meets your needs. Thanks again to the new mamas and doulas at Austin Born for sharing their wisdom and support! – C & K ♥

The Five Friends You Need to Drop :: Monday Musing

April 13, 2015 By: babyproofedparents3 Comments

I recently did a workshop on healthy friendships for a mom’s support/networking group. We began with ways to identify unhealthy friendships, and the room lit up with recognition. Every woman nodded along with at least one example, and their expressions were a mix of insight and frustration. The best observation/question: “Why do we do this?” Why, when our time is so precious, and we barely have enough of it to manage work, caring for our families and with the remaining scraps, ourselves, spend mental energy on friendships that drain us dry? There are so many factors that keep us connected to toxic relationships, most of which tap into self-esteem. I lose count of how often I quote Kirsten’s perfect philosophy on friendships, which are often the only elective relationships we have: “Friendships should be Delicious.”

Any positive change requires an honest assessment of where you currently are. As you read these checklists of unhealthy and healthy friend characteristics, consider the 5 friends you devote the most time to (not the 5 you enjoy the most, unless they’re the same people!):

Unhealthy:

1. It’s always all about her. She dominates every conversation, immediately bringing anything you share back to a personal struggle of hers. If she asks how you’re doing, it’s usually 5 minutes before it’s time to pick up the kids. “Soooo, how are YOU? Oops, gotta run…”

2. He’s catty. He spends the majority of your time together talking smack about all of his other friends and family members. It’s okay to vent, but if it’s not for the purpose of improving a relationship, it can get toxic. Likely, you’re not immune to the negativity and gossip he spreads.

Oh, Nelly…

3. She’s a “Negative Nelly” Oleson. She always plays “Devil’s Advocate,” not your advocate. She doesn’t celebrate your success authentically, and in fact seems jealous. When you share your struggles with her, you feel slightly worse instead of better. She just doesn’t have your back.

4. She can’t keep track. Maybe this friendship began with you re-introducing yourself on 5 separate occasions before it stuck. Major details of your life situation and important stories that took a lot of trust for you to reveal escape her. You repeat yourself constantly and feel vaguely invisible.

5. Guilt, not love, bonds you. You find yourself making up excuses to avoid making plans, and feel anxious when you have to cancel. You always seem to be falling short of his needs from the friendship. You don’t look forward to spending time with him, and you feel “stuck” instead of bonded.

Healthy:

1. There’s reciprocity. No matter how little time you have together, you both share and listen, both feeling heard and understood by the other.

2. He’s loving. He vents, but doesn’t attack the character of others, and is motivated to improve his relationships. You know that he will stick up for you if needed.

3. She’s uplifting and loyal. When you’re on cloud 9, so is she. When you are sad, she cries with you and hugs you tight. You leave time together feeling clearer, motivated and nurtured.

4. She pays attention. She actively listens, and remembers (at least generally) what you’ve shared with her. She makes cognitive space in her busy world for you, and you feel very seen by her.

5. Love, not guilt, bonds you. You can go for stretches of time without connecting, and pick up exactly where you left off. You look forward to and savor time with him, and you both do what it takes to make time for each other. You feel accepted and loved exactly as you are, and if there are issues or miscommunications between you, it’s easy to talk them through and adjust. The friendship is yummy.

Even a solid, healthy friendship can temporarily have unhealthy qualities, maybe because one or both of you is going through a difficult time. But, if the relationship has been a drag for a long time, draining your time and your joy, consider addressing the issues or creating some distance. The hardest work can be considering whether you bring unhealthy qualities to the friendship table yourself, and figuring out how to make changes (be patient with me, my sweet peeps, I’m working on it!).

Here’s to Sanity and Deliciousness,

Cheryl

Partners in Parenting :: Wednesday Wisdom

February 4, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Meet Carolyn Opps. She is the Co-Founder and Program/Volunteer Coordinator with Austin-based Partners in Parenting, an organization that coordinates neighborhood-based support groups for new parents. Carolyn is a master-degreed teacher who has lived and traveled all over the world. After settling down and starting a family with her husband in Austin, she and her mother’s group friend, Krista Miller, decided to launch a non-profit organization aimed at providing much-needed support for moms and dads with new babies. We were eager to talk to Carolyn and learn more about PIP because its mission is so incredibly aligned with BPP’s focus on self-care and parental support.

BPP: Can you share how the organization, Partners in Parenting (PIP) was founded and what its mission is?

CO: A little over a year ago, Krista and I got together so that our kids could play, and decided that Austin was in need of neighborhood-based support groups for new parents. When we had our children, we looked for an organization that would help connect us with other new parents, but were unable to find what we were looking for. Krista, having been raised in Seattle, knew about a nonprofit there that had been creating neighborhood based support groups for over 30 years. We decided to give them a call, and they were very open to us implementing their program in Austin. While PIP is an independent nonprofit, the format of the groups is based on a model that has worked well in Seattle for many years. Our mission is to enable families to meet the challenges of parenting through mutual support and shared information, so that no new parent feels isolated, ill-equipped, or uninformed during their parenting adventure.

BPP: How did your own experience as a parent influence your decision to start PIP?

CO: I think I took every prenatal birthing class available to prepare for labor, and maybe read a book or two to prepare for parenting. While the classes were valuable, the best takeaways were the connections I made. I met Krista (the other PIP co-founder) and five other amazing moms-to-be at the classes. We all realized that we were due in March, so we decided to form the March Mamas group. We met once before we delivered, and about a month after having our babies. We began meeting weekly for play-dates, and monthly for mom’s night out. The advice, empathy, and camaraderie that I received from this group of women were life changing. Now that our children are all turning 3, we still see each other often and remain a strong influence in each other’s lives. My experience with my mom’s group helped to ease my transition into parenthood, and I felt that others should have the same experience.

BPP: When can parents join a PIP group? Do they have to have a newborn?

CO: Parents can join a PIP group as soon as they find out they’re pregnant up until their child is 9 months old. Our Newborn PIPsqueaks groups are for babies 0 – 4 months old, and our Baby PIPsqueaks groups are for babies 4 – 10 months. In order to give us plenty of time to find a group for you, signing up before having the baby is strongly encouraged. We generally try to have at least four participants in a certain neighborhood to create a group, so having some lead-time to organize the groups and find a facilitator is helpful.

BPP: How often do groups meet and what typically happens during a meeting? What sets them a part from a regular play group?

CO: The Newborn groups meet for 90 minutes each week for 12 weeks, and the Baby groups meet for 8 weeks. Each session starts with the facilitator asking the parents to share highs and lows from the past week. The group then takes 10 minutes to learn some new songs to sing to the babies. Parents have time to talk during a food break, and then the final 45 minutes is spent discussing a particular topic for the week. We always begin with sleeping and eating as our first two topics as they are definitely the most perplexing and pressing. We have a list of guest speakers, who are experts in certain areas, who sometimes join the group to discuss the topic about which they are knowledgeable.

A PIP group is different from a play group for a few key reasons: The groups are led by a trained facilitator, the sessions are structured to include specific topics to help the parents, and the work of finding a group of like minded new parents to connect with is done by PIP.

BPP: Now that you have been coordinating PIP groups for some time, what do you see as the greatest benefits for the parents? How about the babies?

CO: By far the greatest benefit of joining a PIP group is the connection you make with other parents in your area. Watching parents find their “village” is genuinely satisfying. The moms and dads in our groups have continued to get together and bond long after their PIP session has ended, which is has been our best determinant of success. I also think that parents who are able to feel that they aren’t alone in their struggles better adapt to the challenges they’re facing. To hear a mom say, “I cried on the way over here”, and other moms join in to say, “I cried for no reason today” allows them all to validate their feelings and to know that what they’re experiencing is perfectly normal.

The benefit to the babies is indirect but just as important. PIP is addressing the needs of new families based on the Five Protective Factors of Family Wellness: social connections, secure attachment, parental resilience, knowledge of parent and child development, and concrete support. We believe that when families are strengthened, the overall health of the community is improved. That includes the children! Essentially, happy parents = happy children.

BPP: Are the groups dad-friendly or are they targeted primarily toward moms?

CO: PIP groups are absolutely dad-friendly! We offer daytime and evening groups. The daytime groups are for moms, and the evening groups are for both partners.

BPP: PIP is a non-profit organization. How do you get your funding? Do parents pay to participate?

CO: We receive our funding from donations, grants, fundraisers, and program fees. Participants pay $150 for the Newborn group, and $100 for the Baby group. We offer scholarships to families who are not able to afford the program fee. To learn more about why we charge a program fee, please check out the FAQ section of our website.

BPP: Can you share a story from a parent who has really benefited from involvement in PIP?

CO: Sure! This is a testimony from a parent who participated in one of our spring sessions:

“The best part of being in a PIP group was meeting other parents, hearing their stories, and being able to share mine – learning from one another, person to person, is markedly different from reading resources online… while every baby and parent is different, the biggest takeaway was just that: every baby and parent IS different… we make different choices, we prioritize different ideals, we struggle in different areas, and our babies have their own challenges and developmental paces. While I wouldn’t say my pregnancy was hard, I would say it was isolating, which at times felt very hard; as a fairly social individual in general, I all of a sudden didn’t have a local support group. While I reveled in becoming a Mom, and threw myself into reading and learning all that I could, finding the PIP group was without question a massive boon to my weekly confidence: I could listen, share, and bond with a group of people who could directly empathize and offer support, all while exposing my little one to other babies and an outside experience that was fun and stimulating to her.”

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to a new parent, what would it be?

CO: Remember to take care of your needs! It’s easy to fall into a baby-centric world, but self-care is a necessity. It’s hard, but take an hour or two to do something that’s just for you (a hair cut, shopping, quiet time reading at a park, etc.). You don’t have to do it all yourself, so bring in your village to help!

Thank you to Carolyn for filling us in on this amazing resource that is available in the Austin community. Check out the Partners in Parenting website to learn more about their organization and find out how you can register for one of their neighborhood-based groups. You can also follow them on Facebook or Twitter to stay in the loop. If you don’t live in the Central Texas area, and are curious about similar organizations in your area or state, check out this link.

Thanks again, Carolyn. We wish we had access to a PIP group when we were new moms! – C & K ♥

What’s Your Story? :: Monday Musing

July 21, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Until I had a baby, I had no idea how important it would be to tell my birth story. I understood the educational component of tv shows on the subject, and noticed how passionately new moms talked about their experiences, but I didn’t really get it. Now, if anyone seems even remotely interested in hearing about the births of my two, I can feel heat rise in my cheeks and hear my voice getting louder. My habit of talking with my hands goes nuts as I become more traffic director than story teller.

I’m certain you’re intrigued, so here’s the cliff notes version: my daughter arrived in a little under 3 hours, which is rare for a first time mom. None of us were prepared for this, including my midwife, who had just enough time to slip on a pair of surgical gloves as she ran from our front door to our bathtub, catching our baby after my last push 4 minutes later. I wouldn’t change anything, but at the time, I was terrified to the point of emotionally leaving my body – it was as if I was watching myself go through it from somewhere near the bathroom ceiling, as J did his very best to keep us both on the ground.

A difficult emotional component of many new moms’ experiences is the massive, abrupt attention shift from her pregnancy and needs to the needs of the new baby. The birth is often skipped over, even though it is the most formative and insane process imaginable for first time parents. Suddenly the baby is here. Everything changes. And there is precious little time to emotionally catch up to the here and now, let alone fully assimilate what has just happened physically.

Kirsten and I use the word “processing” constantly. Processing is more than just chatting. It’s talking with intention, venting things out, sifting through messy feelings and patterns we don’t fully understand. The result? Lightness. Both in having emptied out burdens, and actual light being shed on things that weren’t quite clear. And if anything warrants some intense processing, it’s a birth.

One of my favorite moments of birth processing happened with my friend Shannon. She listened attentively to my story, asked tons of questions, and identified with me. When I was finished, she shared hers. It was awesome, especially her description of the part of her labor when she felt like a cow trying to push out a calf. She actually got down on all fours and demonstrated the lowing sounds she had made. We laughed and cried and just sat there reflecting on what a crazy experience it is. We decided that someday, we will host a birth recreation experience for moms. Wine and a stage and an invitation to get up there and process-perform their labor. Audience members are invited to cheer, “Go, Mama!!!” We shall call it, “This Shit HAPPENED To ME.”

If you’re a new mom, and you haven’t told your birth story to someone who is hanging on every word, see if you can make that happen. Even if it means a nice long phone conversation with a best friend who doesn’t live here. Share with your partner, as he or she needs to process too, and you were likely tuned into completely different details. I used to ask J, “Will you tell me the part about when you thought I was a total badass again?” If your birth story was traumatic or a complete departure from what you’d hoped for, consider sharing your experience with a therapist. Some things change us forever, and if we don’t assimilate the past, parts of us get left behind. Scoop all that up and bring it. Terrible or amazing, it has refined you, which renders it beautiful.

Here’s To Sanity and Processing,

Cheryl

Spill It :: Monday Musing

April 13, 2014 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

When my daughter’s sleep disturbances first began, I didn’t realize she was in the early stages of colic, which has nothing to do with hunger. Like many parents, I found a way to blame myself, wrongly believing that I was not producing enough milk, hence, wrongly believing she was slowly starving. The nights of her crying non-stop were getting raw. I felt so much pressure from within and out to feed her breast milk exclusively, and had wedged myself into a corner. I stopped talking about it, because I was ashamed of the total lack of love I felt for breastfeeding. I’d believed it would be a blissful and bonding experience for us, like it is for most moms and babies. I didn’t know this had nothing to do with milk. I was losing my grip.

Enter my sister-in-law, Traci. She’s on the bad-ass list, and I was beyond ready for her visit. I’d planned to have everything sorted out by then, so she could just bond with her new niece, and we could sip decaf while wearing cute velour sweat pants and talking about how awesome it is to be a mom. The version of me she actually encountered? A total mess. I melted into her hug, and she said, “Sissie, talk to me.”

Loaded pause.

The reasons people struggle with vulnerability are endless. I’ll share my personal top three.

“I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.” As a therapist, I am very adept at identifying what my clients are feeling, but my internal gauge is flawed. My family of origin had some great attributes, but one of our challenges was emotional repression. Feelings were not discussed or reflected. As an adult I have to work hard to identify what I’m feeling, let alone deal with it or describe it to others.
“I don’t want to burden anyone.” Part of repression comes from an irrational fear that the messiness of your feelings could actually harm someone (from negatively impacting their mood, to the extreme of actually physically injuring them). Not to mention the risk of judgement, my most feared version being that people will think I want pity. In her book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown writes, “We can’t let ourselves be seen if we’re terrified by what people might think. Often, ‘not being good at vulnerability’ means that we’re damn good at shame.”
“Other people have it way worse.” This is true. When I listen to my clients and friends, I marvel at what they’ve had to overcome just to function, let alone open themselves to trusting me or anyone else. Rising to a global view, things can look horrific. My hypocrisy enters here, because I never comparatively quantify others’ feelings. I reserve all the judgement for myself.

I pushed through it all with Traci, because I felt I had no choice. Disclaimer: I might have dreamed this exchange, because I was sleep deprived. But, I like this version, so it will go down in the annals (Freud made me use that word) as truth. “I’m not okay I’m freaking out she won’t stop crying all night and I think it’s because I’m not producing enough milk and she’s starving and people keep saying I’ll feel it when my milk ‘lets down’ but I don’t feel shit and when I squeeze my boob nothing comes out should I show you? no? what if she starves?” I caught my breath, and Traci, in her beautiful, strong voice said, “Hey. Rita. It’s going to be okay.”

Why’d she call me Rita? That’s her pet name for when I get worked into a mash-up of excitement, anxiety and neurotic hyper-focus. She once accompanied me on a mission to buy a used silver Honda Accord. I tracked one down, and was told on the phone to meet with a salesperson named Rita. In this case, Excitement = a silver Accord…wheee! Anxiety = the last silver Accord on the planet will be sold out from under me. Neurotic Hyper-Focus = I must find Rita, immediately, and at all costs. When we entered the dealership, I walked, fast, up to the first four salespeople I encountered, one of whom was a man, thrusting my hand forward in a firm, “I’m no sucka” shake, exclaiming, “Hiiii, Rita! Are you Rita???” while Traci stood slightly behind me, shrugging her shoulders apologetically at each non-Rita, silently mouthing, “Meth.”

I cried out my fears, and she just sat with me. Then she picked up my daughter and said, “Look at her.” I did. I saw a round, vibrant face. Little rolls of fat on her legs. Sustained. Traci said, “Forest for the trees. She’s okay, and she’s going to be okay. We will figure this out, but she’s not starving. You are doing an amazing job.” Fear drained out of me, replaced by clear vision.

My friend Dennis is surviving cancer, and intimate with death. I take what he says seriously. His theory on pain and joy is that everyone gets numbered slices of each. The slices are utterly disproportionate across people and from my limited view, there’s no explanation. Certainly no justification. I only know that I feel the warmest and most purposeful when people share their pain and joy with me, I see myself in it, and I grow from the reflection. And when I share my pain and joy with them, and they are released to see and share their own more freely. The opposite of this warmth is alienation. I won’t dilute this: alienation kills.

Think you’re protecting yourself by hiding your real? You’re not. You’re likely too close to your situation to see clearly, your face pressed against a Seurat. Opening yourself to others’ light allows you out of the patterns trapping you in your corner. Think you’re protecting others? You’re not. You’re alienating them, depriving them of potential growth as they see themselves in you, feel closer to you, and naturally share their own real. If you have someone you already trust, lean into them. Take them to your crazy town, and air out your fears. If you feel you don’t have anyone, try building trust with a therapist. If you try and the therapist sucks or just isn’t the right fit, try someone else (I went to several before I found my Elaine). Just spill it. We need each other. It’s how we’re wired.

Here’s To Sanity and Rita,

Cheryl

Desperately Seeking… Human Connection :: Tuesday Tip

March 10, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

I can mingle and party with the best of them, but when it comes to recharging my batteries, I’m a classic introvert. Give me a quiet house, a cup of tea, and a good book – I’m as happy as a toddler in a Tupperware drawer. For this reason, I figured that quitting my office job and staying home with my newborn baby was going to be pure nirvana, right?

Ummm… partially right. While there were certainly heavenly slices, there were also incredibly lonely moments, and I noticed a new wave of extroversion taking over my personality.

After a few weeks at home with baby, I yearned for new-parent pals who could answer my infant-care questions and empathize with my parenting struggles. I found myself scanning the playground or bookstore for other new moms and babies, ready to pounce with an invitation for friendship. Gone were the days of scoping out the scene for hot guys – instead I spent my time sizing up other parents, trying to determine if they would be compatible with my little family of three. My standard pick-up line: “Oh, your little one is so cute. How old? Well, he/she seems to get along really well with my little guy.” (Translation: Can we exchange numbers and hang out again? Please? Please?)

Most new parents experience what I call the Baby Paradox: Yes, you are in the constant company of a precious and fascinating little human. But it is also common and normal to struggle with feelings of extreme loneliness and mind-numbing boredom. The cure for this post-baby isolation? Reach out and connect as much as you can.

Here are some ideas for staying connected and making new friendships in the midst of baby-land:

Utilize Social Media: Although some of us are bit burned out, social media can be an amazing resource when you’re home with a new little one. Consider starting a Facebook group for expecting and new parents in your community, and then advertise it in the neighborhood newsletter or bulletin board. Scan MeetUp.com for New Parent Meet and Greets (if you can’t find one, consider creating your own).

Seek Out Existing Groups: Many cities, community centers and churches offer support and educational groups for expecting and new parents. Do an Internet search to see what’s available in your area. A great option, available in Austin and other metropolitan areas, is Bump Club and Beyond, an über-cool networking and informational group for expecting and new parents. Another Austin option for post-baby connection is the wonderful support group, Mothers Unfolding.

Give Family and Friends the Green Light: Your loved ones might be trying to give you and your new little one space, thinking that you need time to rest and bond. Let them know that you are very open to visits – give them the best times and set up regular dates.

Make Out-Of-The-Nest Time for Both Parents: When baby is old enough to take a bottle or survive a couple hours without mom, make plans with a friend and get OUT (yes, out of the house, into the fresh air, into the world). Dads and parenting partners can also struggle with symptoms of social-withdrawal, so encourage your partner to take some time on the weekend to connect with pals. And whenever you can, load up the Ergo, Baby Bjorn or Moby and get the whole family out on an adventure, even if it only lasts an hour.

Three years after becoming a mom, I was taking my second baby for a walk when a woman came flying out of her house in sweat pants, a t-shirt and noticeably un-washed hair. “Hi!! Hi!” she exclaimed, “Is that a baby in your stroller? I have a newborn in the house. Do you live in the neighborhood? Hi…”

I just nodded knowingly and handed her my phone number. “Let’s hang out soon!” I said as I walked away, happy that I could offer another new mom a brief escape from the sometimes lonely land of newborns.

BPP Sanity Savers:

While you are pregnant, begin researching new-parent social groups and play groups in your community that might be a resource for you later.
Let family and friends know that you will love their visits and support after baby has arrived. Give them a schedule of ideal times once you have become accustomed to your little one’s ebb and flow.
Make sure that both you and your partner get time to fly the coop. As soon as you can, go on small adventures as a family. The fresh air and human connection will do you good!

Here’s to strength and sanity,

Kirsten