We say a lot of words to our partners. Many of those words are the same ones we said the day before, and the day before that. When you’re co-parenting, your communication with your partner becomes even more repetitive and business-like. Why? Because you are running a baby-raising, household-managing, food-serving business together. Am I right? […]
Ending the Division of Labor Wars
Everyone does it. No couple is immune. Some call it tit for tat. Others call it keeping points. It’s that thing you do when you turn to your partner and say, “Why do I always end up doing the dishes? It seems like you never help out in the kitchen.” Then your partner defensively replies, […]
How to Validate Your Partner Like a Parking Ticket – 3 Tips for Great Listening
Doesn’t it feel good when you walk up to the restaurant counter with a $10 parking garage slip and the hostess stamps her little stamp on it, magically making the cost of parking go down to $0? It feels really good. That’s exactly how it feels to be truly validated by your partner. To have […]
4 Tips for Falling In Love with Your In-Laws :: Tuesday Tip
I hear it all the time from my baby-raising clients. Whether they are a brand new mom or a veteran parent, they often report challenges with their in-laws, specifically their mother-in-law. The complaints range from mom-in-laws being too involved to not involved enough. Sometimes the mother-in-law criticizes the mom’s parenting style or ignores it all […]
“I’m Not Your Mama, Daddy” – Clear Roles for Better Sex :: Tuesday Tip
You’ll hear us say it over and over – being a new parent can be all-encompasing. From personal hygiene to personal identity, a new baby rules most aspects of brand new moms’ and dads’ lives. This crash course in nurturing helps us quickly hone the skills necessary to keep our helpless little ones alive and […]
And Baby Makes Three… Not Two :: Monday Musing
“Heeeey Kirsten and Cheryl…. Give me a call when you have a chance! I want to tell you what I’m hearing from all the dads.” That’s an abridged version of the voice mail we get every few weeks from Brian the Birth Guy. Brian gets to hang out with hundreds of dads and parenting partners […]
The Good & The Bad of Opposites Attracting :: Tuesday Tip
Ever wonder how you can be drawn so strongly to a person at the beginning of a relationship and then feel perpetually annoyed with them later on? It has to do with that age-old relationship paradigm: Opposites attract. This cliché happens to hold a lot of truth. Just like magnets, humans are pulled to each […]
The Five Friends You Need to Drop :: Monday Musing
I recently did a workshop on healthy friendships for a mom’s support/networking group. We began with ways to identify unhealthy friendships, and the room lit up with recognition. Every woman nodded along with at least one example, and their expressions were a mix of insight and frustration. The best observation/question: “Why do we do this?” […]
Keeping Your Relationship Hydrated :: Tuesday Tip
In my many years of counseling, I have never encountered a “perfect” couple. All relationships have their challenges and rough spots – mine is no exception! I’ve learned along the way that the trick to long-term relationship success is not to be perfect or conflict-free. The trick is to maintain a strong supportive foundation so […]
Tone it Down – How to Speak Softer and Get Heard :: Tuesday Tip
Your baby is fussy, house a wreck, and you’re sitting there, stewing in anger and frustration. By the time your partner walks through the front door, your emotions have reached a fever pitch, and before you know it, word vomit is everywhere. “What were you doing today?! Didn’t you get my TEXTS and voiceMAILS?!” She […]
5 Things for New Moms to Give Their Partners :: Tuesday Tip
Note from the author: These tips are not just applicable to husbands and wives, they are relevant to any parenting partnership! Many of my new mom counseling clients tell me that they feel like they’ve developed multiple personalities after giving birth. A few weeks into their parenting adventure, they eagerly wait by the door for […]
Partners in Parenting :: Wednesday Wisdom
Meet Carolyn Opps. She is the Co-Founder and Program/Volunteer Coordinator with Austin-based Partners in Parenting, an organization that coordinates neighborhood-based support groups for new parents. Carolyn is a master-degreed teacher who has lived and traveled all over the world. After settling down and starting a family with her husband in Austin, she and her mother’s […]
Playing Favorites :: Monday Musing
My family was cruising along in our car the other day when my 6 year-old piped up, “Mom, are you going in to the office tonight or are you staying home with us?” “Staying home buddy,” I replied. “Yay!” he squealed with an enthusiasm that implied that I am never, ever home. Which is amusing […]
No Take Backs – 15 Ways To Keep Your “No” In Place :: Tuesday Tip
Can you identify with this scenario? You need to say no. After agonizing, practicing a speech beforehand, and finally saying no, you immediately feel crappily guilt-ridden and take it back, then wind up agreeing to do even more than you were initially asked to. The reasons for our difficulty in setting limits are complicated, often […]
Cuz That’s the Way I Like It – Saying ‘Yes’ to Your Own Holiday Traditions :: Monday Musing
Kirsten’s recent tip on “just saying no” to holiday stress raised this question for me: why is it so hard to say no, especially to extended family, especially around the holidays? When J and I first married, we had to figure out how to share holidays with two families (we had it easy – some […]