We say a massive amount of words every day – on average 16,000. Many of those words are the same ones we said the day before, and the day before that. When you’re co-parenting, your communication with your partner becomes even more repetitive and business-like. Why? Because you are running a baby-raising, household-managing, food-serving business […]
Ending the Division of Labor Wars
Everyone does it. No couple is immune. Some call it tit for tat. Others call it keeping points. It’s that thing you do when you turn to your partner and say, “Why do I always end up doing the dishes? It seems like you never help out in the kitchen.” Then your partner defensively replies, […]
How to Validate Your Partner Like a Parking Ticket – 3 Tips for Great Listening
Doesn’t it feel good when you walk up to the restaurant counter with a $10 parking garage slip and the hostess stamps her little stamp on it, magically making the cost of parking go down to $0? It feels really good. That’s exactly how it feels to be truly validated by your partner. To have […]
The Good & The Bad of Opposites Attracting :: Tuesday Tip
Ever wonder how you can be drawn so strongly to a person at the beginning of a relationship and then feel perpetually annoyed with them later on? It has to do with that age-old relationship paradigm: Opposites attract. This cliché happens to hold a lot of truth. Just like magnets, humans are pulled to each […]
Keeping Your Relationship Hydrated :: Tuesday Tip
In my many years of counseling, I have never encountered a “perfect” couple. All relationships have their challenges and rough spots – mine is no exception! I’ve learned along the way that the trick to long-term relationship success is not to be perfect or conflict-free. The trick is to maintain a strong supportive foundation so […]
Tone it Down – How to Speak Softer and Get Heard :: Tuesday Tip
Your baby is fussy, house a wreck, and you’re sitting there, stewing in anger and frustration. By the time your partner walks through the front door, your emotions have reached a fever pitch, and before you know it, word vomit is everywhere. “What were you doing today?! Didn’t you get my TEXTS and voiceMAILS?!” She […]
5 Things for New Moms to Give Their Partners :: Tuesday Tip
Note from the author: These tips are not just applicable to husbands and wives, they are relevant to any parenting partnership! Many of my new mom counseling clients tell me that they feel like they’ve developed multiple personalities after giving birth. A few weeks into their parenting adventure, they eagerly wait by the door for […]
3 Ways to Get Calm and Fight Fair :: Tuesday Tip
Fiery conflict with your partner can easily reduce you to your worst self. This makes no sense and complete sense. You love this person, so why do you hate/fear/distrust them sometimes? Because you love this person. You’ve likely risked everything, and they’ve seen you naked, in every sense of the word. If you’re expecting, the […]
Speak My Language :: Tuesday Tip
“I feel taken for granted, unappreciated.” “I don’t feel close to my partner any more.” “It seems like we’re bickering roommates… there’s no affection.” These are some of the more common complaints that I hear from couples during their first counseling session. They’re not feeling the love and they’re looking for tools to bridge the […]
Cut The Crap – Purging 3 Ineffective Communication Strategies :: Tuesday Tip
Our brains can feel quite cluttered. Purging the things that are no longer useful opens space for new ideas, approaches and behaviors. Consider healthy eating plans. Many of them start by omitting things like sugar, processed foods and caffeine (which makes me so, so sad). After detoxing, you start to feel better, have more energy, […]
Playing With Fire – Relationship Damage Control :: Monday Musing
My ex-husband J and I are both therapists. We used to joke that we met in group therapy, because we were both taking a graduate class on the subject when we started dating. When people hear this, they often laugh nervously and ask, “So… do you two sit around and analyze each other?” Naturally. While […]
All Hands On Deck :: Tuesday Tip
Shhh… don’t tell him I said this, but in many ways, my husband is a better parent than me. (Did I really just admit that? Oh, yes I did.) When it comes to consistency and common sense, Todd is unflappable. In our home, we not-so-affectionately refer to him as “The Safety Czar” for his uncanny […]
Go to Bed Angry… Once in Awhile :: Tuesday Tip
Most of us have heard the old adage: Never go to bed angry. In other words, you should always kiss and make up with your partner before your head hits the pillow. Unfortunately, this is not always realistic for most of us living, breathing humans. There is another piece of advice that goes something like […]