childbirth | baby proofed parents

Four Births :: Monday Musing

January 19, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

This week’s Muse features a guest writer and friend, Phyllis Brasenell. Phyllis is a DONA certified birth doula (check out her amazing Wednesday Wisdom piece on being a doula) and the owner of AustinBorn, a center for expecting and new parents. She currently serves as President of the Central Texas Doula Association. Baby Proofed Parents and Austin Born just formed a beautiful new partnership, and we’re so proud to promote their awesome services in the Austin birth community. Stay tuned for some amazing Baby Proofed/Austin Born workshops and collaborations coming up in the very near future, and thank you, Phyllis, for sharing your insightful writing with us!

Four Births

I still remember the very first birth I supported as a doula. It was my client’s fifth baby; we had a wonderful midwife attending, no interventions involved and we all made it home in time for dinner on that Friday afternoon. Pretty unheard of in the unpredictable world of birth, so I counted myself very lucky.

In the past couple years since that day, I’ve supported many dozens of births and very few of them as straightforward as that first. In my work, I’ve been invited into a woman’s life at one of her most intimate and vulnerable moments because the truth is that becoming a mother is a transformative evolution whether it’s a first baby or a fifth.

It’s a rebirth. Everything is new again. Who are you as mother? How will this role be different than all the others in your life? Seeing a baby take its first breath still leaves me in awe but watching a mother be born is just as powerful. Even if it’s not your first baby you now have a completely new family. At every birth I support, I’m constantly reminded that I’m witnessing four births: the birth of a baby, the birth of a mother, the birth of a father, and the birth of a family.

These births are going to change you and that can feel overwhelming and even scary but I encourage expecting parents to dive in. Look within and listen: What matters to you? What excites you about this new baby and what’s keeping you up at night? There are no wrong answers, friend.

Here’s to Growth and Happiness,

Phyllis Brasenell

The Birth Guy :: Wednesday Wisdom

October 1, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Update 10/2015: Since we interviewed Brian one year ago, a lot of amazing things have been happening for him. He and a team of other dads launched the Rocking Dads Podcast. He went live on Periscope and hasn’t stopped sharing his enthusiasm with the world. And he recently signed contracts in LA with an agent and a producer to launch his own reality show. Look out for The Birth Guy. He’s coming to a screen near you!

Meet Brian Salmon, aka The Birth Guy. Brian is San Antonio’s only actively practicing male doula (or “Dude-La” as he likes to call himself, being a surfer from California). The Birth Guy knew he’d found his calling in birth education and support when he assisted his first birth at 19 years old. Witnessing his daughters, Eva (9) and Daisy (5) both be born by emergency Cesarian delivery reinforced his desire to help parents prepare for childbirth, regardless of how the birth unfolds. Brian is a Certified Lactation Counselor and owns BabyVision Ultrasound, San Antonio’s leader in prenatal imaging. Having worked with over 19,000 expectant families, Brian has taught many childbirth classes and currently facilitates the ever popular Rocking Dads and Facilitating Fearless Birth workshops. Brian has been featured on NBC, FOX, ABC, Univision and the blog, OurMilkyWay.org. And just last week, he began filming a pilot for the new Birth Guy TV Show! We are so excited to feature The Birth Guy on the BPP blog, because his passion for helping new parents is truly one of a kind.

BPP: It is highly unusual to meet a male doula or lactation counselor. How did you find yourself on this career path?

TBG: I sort of fell into it. I was asked to coach a very special birth at the age of 19 while studying pre-med and I loved it. Over the last four years, I have expanded my services and outreach because of the need I’ve seen not only in my community, but in the United States…well, really globally. I saw many birth professionals instill fear in the expectant parents they were working with. I felt like I needed to get out there and make a difference when I realized that too many moms walk away upset and wounded from births.

BPP: You facilitate the wildly popular and very unique Rocking Dads workshops. Your classes are always jam packed. What kind of experience do expectant fathers take away from your workshops?

TBG: I’m going to let the dads speak for me. Here are a few bits of feedback from a book of evaluations I keep:

Brian was awesome. Funny, informative and reassuring. The man definitely knows what he is talking about!
The information about the birth plan was helpful – a lot of great advice about what to do and what not to do.
Brian was excellent – tons of great info in three hours. I feel much better and more prepared. He was understanding and non-judgmental.
All of the advice about breastfeeding and childbirth was great – this workshop could be twice as long.
Brian is no BS – he talks about things at everyone’s level.

Graduates of a Rocking Dads Class

BPP: What are the most common concerns or issues you see with expectant or new dads?

TBG: Most dads need to realize that birth is what mom was designed for, so when she is screaming, moaning, growling, hitting, crying and everything else that happens in labor, he just needs to support and hold space. Dads sometimes feel pushed aside in the process. I teach them to not just be present, but that they have responsibility to be the other half of the parenting team. We cover so much in the class from understanding pregnancy, stages of labor, interventions, breastfeeding, team building, creating a birth plan and millions of other things that go along with the ride.

BPP: You have mastered the skills of lactation educator and counselor/consultant. How do you partner with couples to prepare them for the job of breastfeeding?

TBG: Education, education, education! Some breastfeeding classes are taught, not for success, but by people who want you to hire them when you have problems. I prefer to prepare moms in such a way that they rarely need more than a follow-up phone call after baby arrives. I train the partner to look for common signs of an improper latch, but most of all I encourage them to support and love on mom so that she is calm. It is important for her to take some time to get relaxed with baby. I also train couples to recognize early feeding cues so they have time to latch before the baby freaks out and is screaming for food (which isn’t good for anyone).

BPP: As a birth doula, how do you interact with couples in the delivery room? Do you attend both hospital and home births?

TBG: I go wherever I am needed – different families require different things. Regardless of the birth setting, I make sure that my clients are prepared and that we act as a cohesive unit. When I take on a client, I partner with them on everything: ultrasounds, education, birth visualizations, breastfeeding training and a visit to the hospital or birth center. I love home births as well, but that is a whole other type of doula-ing!

BPP: Do people ever question your ability to advise on breast-feeding or childbirth since you are a man?

TBG: I have definitely experienced healthy doses of reverse discrimination. The only people who ever question my expertise are people who don’t know me or view me as competition (personally, I don’t view other birth professionals as competitors, because there are plenty of expectant couples to help, and that should be our focus!). When an individual gets to know me or takes one of my classes, they get it. There is a reason that multiple lactation consultants support me in teaching free breastfeeding classes every month in San Antonio – I know my stuff!

BPP: Anyone who interacts with you or your website can see that you clearly LOVE your job. You radiate enthusiasm and positivity! What are things you enjoy the most about it?

TBG: I do not feel like I work a day in my life! My favorite moments are when I see a couple embrace with a new kind of intimacy that just radiates love and compassion. I am so excited for all the expectant parents I work with, and even more excited when I know they have really worked hard, together, to achieve the the birth they want. I love when I hear a birth story that may not have been what the couple wanted, but because they were prepared mentally and emotionally, the new outcome does not take away from the joy of a baby and a brand new family dynamic. I love seeing parents really get breastfeeding and work through the speed bumps. And of course, seeing babies be born is a favorite!

BPP: You are a father to two young girls. How does being a dad impact your business and career path?

TBG: It’s more like, how doesn’t it? My girls are phenomenal. They both totally get what I do for work. I often see my clients in public, and they call me “The Birth Guy”. My oldest says that’s the real reason I’m popular, and she may be right! I have learned so much from them both, which translates into a different understanding and perspective in my career. Eva, my oldest, was not at all the pregnancy, birth, or breastfeeding experience I thought she would be. She was exactly the opposite. That paved the way for me to change and redirect my approach/understanding. I learned a new type of compassion which drove me to really teach people what the “dark corners” can be, giving them a metaphorical flashlight. Daisy, my second, was born sick too. We were more prepared, but the journey was different. We were divorcing during the pregnancy, which was horrible. I felt abandoned, while waiting for a baby to arrive, knowing that I would only see both of my kids 1/2 time. It really taught me about strength (and about poor decision-making), and it ultimately shaped me into a much better father, friend and Birth Guy!

BPP: If you had to give one (and we know you have ten million) sanity-saving pointers to expectant or new parents, what would it be?

TBG: Go get educated in birth and breastfeeding, and nurture your relationship, as this will give your baby the best environment. Be careful to not choose mentors who are negative and teach with a fear-based style!

We’ve met a lot of amazing folks in the baby industry, and Brian is one of the true gems. Check out his social media channels and YouTube videos, especially if you are in need of a smile. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us, Brian! C & K ♥

Want more?

Go to The Birth Guy’s website for classes schedules, doula services and great videos: http://thebirthguy.com/

Like Brian on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/brianthebirthguy

Follow @BirthGuy on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/BirthGuy

Find his videos on YouTube…. more to come: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvfvVfZQc06tpHjXWekt9OA

One last thing – here is an ad that The Birth Guy created to advocate for breastfeeding, wherever a mom needs to, even if it is public:

Empowering Laboring Moms :: Wednesday Wisdom

August 6, 2014 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

Meet Wendy Howard. Wendy is the mother of two, a wife, and a Labor and Delivery Nurse with a certification in Inpatient Obstetrical Nursing at UCMB Hospital in Austin, Texas. She also has experience in Emergency Medicine, Critical Care, is a Breastfeeding Resource Nurse, and aspires to become a Certified Nurse Midwife. This is where Wendy’s unique perspective comes in – she had her first baby in a hospital setting, and her second at home with a midwife. She can truly attest, from personal experience, to the benefits and drawbacks of both birth settings. Her passion is Women’s Health, and all things related to pregnancy, labor, delivery and recovery. She strives to give each of her patients a personalized birth experience, fulfilling their hopes whenever possible. One of my favorite things about Wendy is how candid she is – she has a straightforward, honest, yet gentle way of speaking about what women can REALLY anticipate experiencing both during birth and post-nataly.

BPP: What are the biggest joys and challenges of your work as a nurse?

WH: The joys are helping a woman achieve the birth she wants. That’s what I strive for: seeing her empowered, whether that’s completely natural, drug-free with spontaneous labor, or that she tries for a vaginal delivery and winds up having a c-section. When the baby is okay and in her arms – then the outcome is positive no matter what the plan was. It’s a challenge when the plan has to change for some reason (the baby is breech or the mom is post-date or diabetic, and interventions haven’t worked). It’s also challenging when I’m advocating for the mom, but my voice isn’t heard anymore, because it’s the doctor’s call ultimately.

BPP: What are the top three things you wish women were educated on/prepared for when giving birth?

WH:

More than likely, their body knows what to do, and the majority of the time, they could have a vaginal delivery without intervention.
They have the right to refuse any service that they feel might be unnecessary for themselves or the baby.
That they should be as prepared as possible for pain, and have some emotional and mental tools for helping to manage it.

BPP: What are the top three things you wish women were educated on/prepared for post-nataly?

WH:

That a major lack of sleep will be present, and there are ways to manage that with support.
That even though an instinct is there for both mom and baby, breastfeeding education is a must because of its many facets (not all babies will latch well, all nipples aren’t the same, etc).
Your body will never be the same, in both positive and negative ways.

BPP: What are the top three myths that you find yourself dispelling with new parents?

WH:

That breastfeeding will be a breeze, and is a form of contraception: not always, and no it’s not!
That you and your parenting partner will naturally fall into a cohesive team: you have to intentionally communicate and possibly fight to become a team.
That you won’t make mistakes in every aspect of parenting: we’re human; trial, error and big mistakes are inherent to parenting, just like they are to every new role.

BPP: You had both a home birth and a hospital birth. Will you compare the two?

WH: It’s like apples and oranges. My support system (my husband and my mom) was the same for both. My psychological mind frame was different: in the hospital birth, I was unsure of so much going on around me. I had anxiety about the unknown, and had a constant feeling that an intervention like a c-section was hanging over my head. With the home birth, there was more comfort and peace, and the constant was, “I’m at home, in a safe space, it’s familiar and I can move around with no restrictions.” I had my second baby at home, and I knew I could get through the birth, which added peace of mind.

BPP: What are ways can women advocate for themselves in the hospital setting?

WH: Educate yourself before you go to the hospital. Figure out the type of birth you want, with details like whether or not you want pain medication and communicate that up front. Ask questions. Question everything, and if you don’t feel right about a decision the doctor or nurse wants to make, state your opinion and ask them to justify and explain theirs. Ideally, have a labor support person (like a doula or a good friend with an obstetric nursing background) to advocate for you.

BPP: What tips do you have for dads/parenting partners on how best to support the laboring mom?

WH: Be present, physically and with emotional support. Try to figure out with the mom what is best for her specific needs, which could be physically touching her, playing music for her, getting drinks for her, or just being there.

BPP: What advice do you have for family/friends who want to attend the birth/visit the new mom and baby in the hospital?

WH: Respect the sanctity and possible need for space of the new family, and know that needs/preferences look so different for people. When I was in the hospital after my first, I wanted no visitors until we were postpartum or ideally, at home. Don’t take it personally if the new parents want time and space with their new baby.

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?

WH: Take care of yourself, whether that’s going to get a massage, exercising, getting a pedicure, going on a date with your partner – take time away to rejuvenate, so you can give your entire self to your baby.

Thank you, Wendy, for devoting yourself to advocacy for new moms, and sharing your beautifully faceted wisdom with us. Any new mom would be lucky to have you on her team.

Cheryl & Kirsten ♥

What’s Your Story? :: Monday Musing

July 21, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Until I had a baby, I had no idea how important it would be to tell my birth story. I understood the educational component of tv shows on the subject, and noticed how passionately new moms talked about their experiences, but I didn’t really get it. Now, if anyone seems even remotely interested in hearing about the births of my two, I can feel heat rise in my cheeks and hear my voice getting louder. My habit of talking with my hands goes nuts as I become more traffic director than story teller.

I’m certain you’re intrigued, so here’s the cliff notes version: my daughter arrived in a little under 3 hours, which is rare for a first time mom. None of us were prepared for this, including my midwife, who had just enough time to slip on a pair of surgical gloves as she ran from our front door to our bathtub, catching our baby after my last push 4 minutes later. I wouldn’t change anything, but at the time, I was terrified to the point of emotionally leaving my body – it was as if I was watching myself go through it from somewhere near the bathroom ceiling, as J did his very best to keep us both on the ground.

A difficult emotional component of many new moms’ experiences is the massive, abrupt attention shift from her pregnancy and needs to the needs of the new baby. The birth is often skipped over, even though it is the most formative and insane process imaginable for first time parents. Suddenly the baby is here. Everything changes. And there is precious little time to emotionally catch up to the here and now, let alone fully assimilate what has just happened physically.

Kirsten and I use the word “processing” constantly. Processing is more than just chatting. It’s talking with intention, venting things out, sifting through messy feelings and patterns we don’t fully understand. The result? Lightness. Both in having emptied out burdens, and actual light being shed on things that weren’t quite clear. And if anything warrants some intense processing, it’s a birth.

One of my favorite moments of birth processing happened with my friend Shannon. She listened attentively to my story, asked tons of questions, and identified with me. When I was finished, she shared hers. It was awesome, especially her description of the part of her labor when she felt like a cow trying to push out a calf. She actually got down on all fours and demonstrated the lowing sounds she had made. We laughed and cried and just sat there reflecting on what a crazy experience it is. We decided that someday, we will host a birth recreation experience for moms. Wine and a stage and an invitation to get up there and process-perform their labor. Audience members are invited to cheer, “Go, Mama!!!” We shall call it, “This Shit HAPPENED To ME.”

If you’re a new mom, and you haven’t told your birth story to someone who is hanging on every word, see if you can make that happen. Even if it means a nice long phone conversation with a best friend who doesn’t live here. Share with your partner, as he or she needs to process too, and you were likely tuned into completely different details. I used to ask J, “Will you tell me the part about when you thought I was a total badass again?” If your birth story was traumatic or a complete departure from what you’d hoped for, consider sharing your experience with a therapist. Some things change us forever, and if we don’t assimilate the past, parts of us get left behind. Scoop all that up and bring it. Terrible or amazing, it has refined you, which renders it beautiful.

Here’s To Sanity and Processing,

Cheryl

The Role of A Doula :: Wednesday Wisdom

July 9, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Meet Phyllis Brasenell. Phyllis is co-owner of AustinBorn, a boutique doula collective meeting the needs of parents from pregnancy to birth to early parenting. Phyllis is a DONA-certified birth doula and DONA-trained postpartum doula, with diverse experience including multiples, single parents, surrogacy, VBAC, home birth, and still birth. She currently serves as the Vice President of the Central Texas Doula Association. Phyllis is passionate about supporting women and their families. Before becoming a doula, she worked with pregnant teens and teen moms to complete their education and gain independence. As a volunteer with the UN World Food Program in Ghana, she supported the well-being of breastfeeding women and children. I have loved interviewing women like Phyllis for our BPP Wisdom treasure chest – but there’s one downside. I repeatedly think, “I wish I had known you when I was pregnant!” We are excited to highlight her compassionate perspective as a doula, and hope it encourages pregnant moms to seriously consider enlisting this beautiful form of support.

BPP: Please describe the role a doula plays during a woman’s pregnancy and the baby’s birth.
PB: We compliment the care of a doctor, midwife, or nurse by providing non-medical care for the mother and her partner with continuous informational, physical, and emotional support before, during, and after birth. I like to think of us as a knowledgeable guide helping mothers achieve a positive birth experience, as they define it.

BPP: What drew you to becoming a doula?
PB: My background is in social work and education with girls and women (with a brief stint in the corporate world for good measure). I became a doula because I saw my friends starting their families and feeling unsure and afraid of the process. I loved the idea of helping women to feel more confident in pregnancy, birth and parenting while also bringing their partners more actively into the process.

BPP: What are some specific ways doulas advocate for laboring moms in the hospital setting?
PB: We don’t speak on behalf of mothers or their partners because we encourage them to find their own voice. We create the opportunity for mothers to advocate for themselves by making sure they’re receiving and understanding information. So for instance, in the hospital setting if an intervention is proposed I’ll remind mom to ask “BRAIN” – Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, what does my Intuition say, and what happens if we say No?

BPP:What advice do you have for fathers/parenting partners on how to best support a laboring mom?
PB: The first is to look after yourself! This seems counterintuitive but you need to care for yourself so that you can fully care for a laboring mom. Make sure you’re eating, hydrating, resting, and using the bathroom. My second piece of advice is to be present. There’s no magic trick for supporting a woman in labor because only she can birth the baby. But feeling loved and held by her partner does wonders for her emotional state and the physical production of helpful hormones. Now’s not the time to be on your smart phone or tablet. And if in labor a partner forgets everything they learned in childbirth education class, just repeat “I love you. You’re strong. You’re doing it.”

BPP:You’ve talked about how many people see doulas as a “luxury item.” How do you counter that belief?
PB: The evidence for continuous labor support is there– births with doulas have lower rates of intervention (including c-section) and higher rates of satisfaction. We’re also endorsed by ACOG as one of the most effective ways to improve labor and delivery outcomes. But we’re rarely covered by insurance which means the care of a professional doula is an out-of-pocket cost. I encourage parents to think of having a doula as an investment– all the products and stuff we buy for new baby will fall by the wayside but a mother and her partner will remember the day their child was born forever.

BPP: What parts of the birth process/caring for a newborn do you find moms are often unprepared for?
PB: No one is better prepared than a pregnant woman! She’s reading stacks of books, taking classes, and going into the hospital or birth center with multiple bags packed. But we don’t do a lot of the emotional work needed for the birth process, especially breaking through fear and anxiety. Along those same lines, not many moms are prepared for a departure from their birth plan. They’ll have a very particular idea of how they want it to go and it can be very jarring when there’s a change. I try to emphasize that it’s best to prepare ahead of time while also knowing that we can’t go into labor/birth with the chapters pre-written– birth is a story that unfolds as you go.

Caring for a newborn also throws emotional curve balls. Many moms hear one of two stories: the blissed-out new mama where everything with baby is peaceful and easy or the struggling new mama who is sleep deprived and weepy. Not many moms are prepared for the fact that there’s room for both. We don’t like conflicting emotions but it really is normal to feel totally in love with your new baby and also missing your old life. That’s okay. You can love motherhood and sometimes kind of hate it at the same time and still be an amazing parent.

BPP: What are your favorite and most challenging parts of being a doula?
PB: My favorite part is getting to know so many diverse families from different walks of life, and I’m still in complete awe at every birth I support. It’s funny because at once it’s an ordinary process (truth time: it’s a bodily function!) but also absolutely remarkable and trans-formative. I love seeing partners look at each other after their baby is born and say, “We did it!” But the challenging part of being present at such an intimate and intense time is that it can be emotionally and physically draining. We put a lot of love and energy into the families we work with and it usually takes a couple days to recuperate from a birth. The hours and unpredictability are also tough, but now I have two partner doulas and a call schedule which helps, because we know we won’t be away from our own families for more than 24 hours at a time.

BPP: What are some misperceptions about doulas you’d like to correct?
PB: There are three biggies:

That we’ll be at odds with your doctor/midwife/nurse or try to persuade you in medical decision making. Really, we consider ourselves a member of your “birth team”, and it’s in everyone’s best interest if we communicate/work well with your other providers. And sure, we’ll be a sounding board as you process information, but we trust you to make your own choices.
That we will push an agenda. Do we believe birth is a normal and safe process? Absolutely. Do we think breastfeeding is great for mom and baby? You betcha. But above all else we are pro-mother and we respect how she chooses to give birth and parent.
That we’ll replace the partner, but our goal is actually the opposite! Prenatally, we talk a lot about the role the partner would like to have at the labor/birth and how we can facilitate that. It looks different for everyone, but it often means reminding the partner of labor comfort measures, reassuring them that everyone is doing well, or “spelling” them so they can grab a sandwich or shower without leaving mom to labor alone.

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?
PB: In the first couple months postpartum, meal calendars are a must and I swear by a chore list for visiting guests (I find that friends and family really want to help but aren’t always sure how).
Also, put down the books! Okay, okay, don’t put down all the books, but what I mean is this: do educate yourself so you have a good baseline of information going into parenting. But also know that no one and no book will know your new baby like you do. Learn your baby.

Thank you Phyllis, for sharing your wisdom! You and your team are an amazing resource for expectant parents everywhere.

C & K ♥

Featured Photo Copyright: macsim / 123RF Stock Photo

Capturing Birth, Infancy and Beyond on Film :: Wednesday Wisdom

April 30, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Deborah Lykins

Meet Deborah Lykins. She is a professional photographer who specializes in documenting the joys of pregnancy, childbirth, infancy and parenting. She currently works out of her boutique photography studio, Deborah Lykins Photography & Design in Austin, Texas.

Deborah received her masters degree in photojournalism and has worked with a number of publications including The Austin American Statesman and The New York Times. Her maternity portraits have been featured in Pregnancy Magazine and on KEYE news.

After experiencing the joys of having children, Deborah decided to combine her experience and skill in crafting compelling visual stories with her love of photographing the little people in her life. She now partners with families to document and capture the emotions and beauty of welcoming these new lives and loves. We were thrilled to have Deborah share her thoughts on photographing these special moments and on making the most of photography in our own lives.

BPP: How did you become interested in photography and the field of photojournalism?

DL: I’ve always loved to read and tell stories, and always thought I’d be a writer when I was younger. As I grew, I veered from literal storytelling to visual storytelling and got my Bachelors in Fine Arts. I managed a photo lab – back before digital cameras – and a perk of the job was free film processing and printing. I really grew and refined my photography skills. Meanwhile, I was in charge of creating and running a digital lab for the shop, and spent many hours in Photoshop 5 doing digital retouching, restoration and training others on digital processing.

When we moved to Austin, I began working at a graphic design company. One day, I saw a brochure for a visiting lecture series at UT. All the speakers were photojournalists, and I felt something click in me. Photojournalism seemed to combine my love of stories and my passion for visual art. I wanted to tell stories about people with my photography. So I gathered up my portfolio, applied and was accepted into the photojournalism graduate program.

BPP: You have worked with publications such as the Austin American Statesman and the NY times. What caused you to switch gears and start focusing your photography on maternity, birth and beyond?

DL: I loved photographing news. I got to meet so many interesting people, and had access to places and things I would not normally get access to: like the floor of the Texas Senate and the field of a UT football game. Once, I flew in a B-25 bomber shooting pictures through a large, open door in the side of the plane. I covered some serious stories, such as military trials at Ft. Hood and missing kids in Laredo, Texas. I also did light-hearted assignments, like the Wiener Dog races in Buda, Texas. It was an amazing experience.

However, after having my first son, the uncertain schedule of a freelance photojournalist became difficult and stressful for me. Don’t get me wrong, I know a number of women with families who balance freelancing and parenting, but I also surprised myself by wanting to stay home for a while and focus on being a mom. I decided to take a time out and explore my options. During this new career and personal life shift, I found I could never put my camera away for long. I realized I still wanted to document and share this new (to me) world I was seeing and experiencing. So, I began documenting families and telling the creation stories of new families.

BPP: You often use your camera to document the beautiful scene of a mother’s labor and the birth of their child. What is it like to be an outside observer, looking through the lens of your camera, during this momentous occasion for families?

DL: It’s one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had… every time.

The whole process constantly awes me, the strength of the women in labor and the people who support them, the intensity of the emotions, and ultimately the miracle of the birth. Those first moments of a newborn’s life are indescribable. My heart stops and I get choked up, every time.

I am so lucky that couples invite me in, trusting me with these intensely private moments. I have three young children, and there is a point during every birth I document when I have a visceral reaction. I think, “Oh yeah, I remember feeling that.” I believe that recollection helps me capture the emotions of the day. I can anticipate and look for the small but fleeting moments of expression, like when foreheads touch, or a hand brushes a brow, or a small kiss lands on the shoulder. Some people think birth photography is about the crowning shot, but it’s really about the emotion of the day and recording those quiet little moments that can get lost in the intensity and excitement of everything else. Most everything in my memory from the births of my three children is a blur. So many wonderful memories would have been lost if I did not have them documented.

BPP: When you have been asked to document a birth, how do you know when to arrive at the birth location? Do you stay during the entire labor and delivery?

DL: I am on call for the few weeks before and after the due date. I tell Moms to call me when they think labor has started. That way, I can square away my schedule, childcare and be ready to go. If they are having the baby at home, they usually call again when the midwife is coming, or when they are headed to the hospital or birth center. I stay through the labor, delivery, and the first couple of hours after birth so I can capture all the important moments: the cord cutting, the weighing, the first bath, the foot prints, and of course all the parent-baby nuzzling. I do make sure to give the new family space. I try to find the balance between capturing all the important moments and giving the families time to savor each other.

BPP: Is there anything that has surprised you or inspired you when capturing a birth on film?

DL: Everything. No really, I know it sounds silly but everything about birth photography surprises me and inspires me, at every birth.

BPP: You also do family photo-shoots, with newborn babies and with older children. Any suggestions on how a family can prepare for and get the most value out of a photo session?

DL: Each type of session is different and I have different suggestions for preparing for each type of shoot. Generally, I do a pre-session questionnaire and consultation to help nail down things like the must have shots, the location and the clothing choices. I also help with styling the clothes, and have been known to go to a client’s house to look at clothes when asked. Sometimes people text me photos of potential outfits while they are shopping and I’ll send them my thoughts. I know some of these decisions can get overwhelming and stressful, so I try to make it as easy as I can.

I think aiming to have everyone well rested and fed is very helpful, l and I try to bring snacks with me to shoots. I also tell parents not worry too much about their kids’ behavior at the session. Our goal is to have fun and be silly – for an hour or so normal behavior rules don’t apply. It’s also important that the parents are relaxed and having fun, because kids pick up on moods and will react to them.

BPP: We live in an age of cell-phone and digital photography. Any pointers for parents who are wanting to capture themselves and their newborn on film? Do you recommend purchasing a high-quality camera with a good lens?

DL: This is a question I get asked a lot, and a couple years ago I wrote a full-length article about it. Basically, it says to:

Try to find a unique viewpoint
Don’t use the built-in flash (if you can avoid it)
Don’t make kids pose for photos all the time
Use the rule of thirds (see more in my article)
Take lots of pictures and have fun!

One thing I would like to add to that list: Watch for emotions like laughter and even crying. Emotions tell stories and the photos that capture them are the ones you’ll want to revisit.

Regarding cameras: DSLRs are fun and if you take the time to learn to use one, you will likely capture better images than with anything else. The cameras on iphones and other point and shoots are pretty amazing now, so if you aren’t tech-y or don’t want to spend a lot of time learning, a DSLR is not a necessity. I probably use my iPhone for casual photos of my family more than any other camera I own.

BPP: Do you enjoy capturing your own family on film? Do they shy away from the camera or embrace your art?

DL: My two older kids love having their pictures taken. My youngest one is going through a phase where he turns his back on me whenever the camera is out. Children of photographers probably have the most well documented lives of all people, and mine are no exception. I love having all these memories that I can revisit but I also make a point to leave my camera in the bag. That way I can be with my family and experience life with them rather than documenting it.

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to expecting or new parents, what would it be? (this can be photography related, or just sanity-related)

DL: I recently had someone say to me when I was feeling overwhelmed, “Let go. Everything is perfect and it is the way it needs to be.” It really resonated with me. The reminder that even when things feel too intense, as they often do when you are a parent, everything is perfect. Even while we are flawed, we are as we need to be.

Thank you so much Deborah for sharing your sweet words, your photo-wizardry wisdom and your gorgeous portraits with us!

C & K ♥

On Homebirth and Midwifery :: Wednesday Wisdom

March 18, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Meet Laurie Fremgen, Certified Professional Midwife (CPM). Laurie has been providing midwifery services in the Austin and surrounding area since 1996. She’s passionate about home birth, parents and babies, and we are excited to bring her perspective to Baby Proofed Parents, where we want to create a safe environment in which all viewpoints about birth and parenting can be openly discussed. I am proud to introduce Laurie for many reasons – the biggest being that she attended the births of both my children. Her strong, soulful, capable presence helped make both of their births the most powerfully alive moments of my life to date. Check out her beautiful website, HoneyDue Homebirth, for more information on her services and information on midwifery/homebirth. ♥ – Cheryl

BPP: What drew you to become a midwife?
LF: I think it was in my blood from a very young age. I used to pretend play when I was very little that my barbies would be pregnant and give birth. When I was a preteen, my Dad was in the hospital a lot and I had a cousin who work in Labor and Delivery. When I entered college, I was a pre-med student hoping to focus on either pediatrics or obstetrics. I very quickly realized I didn’t like the competitive nature. Just a few short years later, I became pregnant. This was before the days of the internet and I really wanted to have a homebirth, but had absolutely no idea how to go about it. I ended up with a very traditional hospital birth – induction, epidural, episiotomy – even though I had expressed my desire for a natural birth to my doctor, and I was not happy. Thus began my serious quest to discover a different way to have a baby.

BPP: If you could correct one common misperception about midwifery, what would it be?
LF: Midwives are highly skilled and highly educated people. We work very hard to become midwives and we work very hard in our job. I think many people in the medical profession don’t believe there is standardized training for midwives. Having a CPM certification – Certified Professional Midwife – is the equivalent to an advanced degree like a masters or a PhD.

Laurie and her sons.

BPP: Since there are many, would you correct another misperception?
LF: I also don’t think people realize that being a midwife is a specific lifestyle. We are on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If we want to take a vacation, it requires planning a year in advance. This is a life of service and devotion. We get up at all hours of the night, in any weather, no matter how we feel to attend our clients. We miss birthdays, anniversaries, concerts, plays, games, recitals and quiet time with our families. We live with our phones, we are always accessible – we live and breathe midwifery. When a woman is a midwife, her entire family participates. We don’t complain because we all feel called to this profession.

BPP: In your opinion, what are a few top advantages to having a home birth instead of a hospital birth?
LF: I think the biggest advantage is that the woman gets to experience birth in the way Nature or God intended. Labor begins spontaneously, travels the course that is best for both mom and baby, and both are given the space to greet each other in a quiet, loving way. This sounds simple, but it is profoundly huge. If a woman is willing to face her fear, willing to face the pain, willing to face the uncertainty, she will be greatly and richly rewarded.

BPP: There seems to be a big divide between proponents of hospital births and home births. What do you believe could help close that gap?
LF: I believe that it is very important to respect each other’s approach. I always learn when I am in the
hospital – I learn from the nurses and the doctors. But the nurses and the doctors could learn so much from us too. Midwives are experts in birth. Nurses and doctors know managed birth, but many of them have never sat with a woman through the whole process, letting labor unfold without ANY intervention – from beginning to end.

BPP: How can parenting partners best support moms during the birth process?
LF: One of the most important things a partner can do is to tune into the needs of the laboring mom. The mom will intuitively know the position to be in, how to breathe and what she needs to do to get the baby out. If the partner can help her to tune into that intuition, that is the best support she can have. Supporting the mom isn’t about breathing techniques or positions of labor – although knowledge of those things can be helpful. Giving birth and supporting the mom is about being with the process and letting the process unfold.

BPP: What part of witnessing the birth process moves you every time?
LF: There is always a palpable moment of surrender where the woman goes from some degree of resisting the force of labor to just acceptance. It is profoundly moving to witness this.

BPP: What are the best resources (videos, books, etc) that expectant parents could reference for education on having a home birth?
LF: One of my favorite videos is called Birth Day. It is a short video of a midwife in Mexico giving birth to her third baby. You can see that she is working hard and she is so real about it. She noticed that when she was moving towards her husband during a contraction she felt less pain, but when she was moving away from him during a contraction she felt more pain. The labor process is an oxytocin experience. Oxytocin is the hormone of love and bonding, so this video clearly shows how important love is during a birth.

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?
LF: A baby is going to cry. If you are at the end of your rope, give the baby to your partner – trust that your partner can totally take of it – and go for a walk around the block. You will feel like a new person, ready to face the crying baby. The other thing I think is so important is sleeping with the baby. You can nurse and sleep at the same time.

BPP: Of all the births you’ve attended, which mom was the most amazing? (don’t answer that) :+)
LF: It is hard to say which ones are the most amazing. Each woman’s journey is so different, even though the framework of giving birth is the same. A woman who comes out the other end, seeing herself a little more deeply and who can take her experience and transform it into a force of love in this world is amazing. Each birth has that potential.

More about Laurie, midwifery and homebirth at HoneyDue Homebirth. ♥

Three Times A Dad :: Wednesday Wisdom

February 25, 2014 By: babyproofedparents4 Comments

The Lee Family

Meet Lloyd Lee. Lloyd is an awesome dad with a unique perspective – he has coached his wife, Chelese, through three different births in two different settings. And they have three sweet daughters to show for it. When not spending time at home with “the girls”, this native Texan is working hard at his green construction & solar business, Native, or enjoying BBQ and quality craft-beers at his family-owned micro-brewery, Smoke’n Hops.

BPP: As we can see in your photo, you are surrounded by lovely ladies. Be honest – what’s it like to be the only male in a family of five?

LL: I’ve learned that although many people make emotionally-based decisions which they later rationalize with logic, the women in my life are content with just the first part of this decision making process. Besides this, there is a great deal more glitter, random singing, dressing up, and hugging than the primarily male household in which I grew up.

BPP: Your wife, Chelese, gave birth to your first little girl over seven years ago. Can you remember what that moment was like?

LL: Definitely. It was a mixture of pride in Chelese, astonishment that her body could do what I was witnessing, relief that the baby was healthy, and an immediate sense of heightened responsibility.

BPP: You have had the unique experience of coaching Chelese through two hospital births and one midwife-assisted birth in a birthing center. Can you share with us the key differences that you noticed between the two settings?

LL: The hospital births felt like a well-rehearsed process. Not so much for us, but for the numerous staff members who had been through this countless times. They knew and followed the process and if things weren’t going accordingly, changes were made to bring it back within bounds. The birthing center was a completely different experience. They approach each birth as a unique experience and allow the mother and baby to dictate the rules vs. having preconceived notions of what it should be like. This fundamental difference empowers the mother to focus on the job at hand and not worry about missing a deadline for progress, which will result in intervention.

BPP: Since you are now a childbirth veteran, any suggestions for dads or birth partners on how to support the woman who is laboring and delivering?

LL: Know your partner and how they want to be supported. Support comes in lots of forms and not everyone responds to it the same way. My wife appreciated verbal support, physical contact, and reminders of how the birth was progressing. Try to stick to the birth plan and act as the liaison between the mother and hospital staff. Without this, the mother may make decisions to expedite delivery that may leave her feeling defeated later.

BPP: Without getting too graphic, can you share what it is like to be at the other end of the labor and delivery experience? Oh, what the heck, you can get graphic if you would like.

LL: Pretty amazing. I never fully appreciated why it’s referred to as labor until witnessing it myself. The “miracle” of childbirth does not involve pixie dust or magic. It’s laden with blood, sweat, and tears. Nothing reminds you that we are another animal roaming this planet like the instant that your baby’s head pops out.

BPP: Any suggestions on how birth partners can communicate with the nurse, doctors, doulas and/or midwives?

LL: I would just recommend communicating desires related to how you’d like the birth to go. It doesn’t guarantee it will go as planned, but having a plan helps all parties understand expectations.

BPP: After each baby was born, how did you support Chelese as she recovered from the delivery?

LL: The biggest area of support is to let the mother sleep. Laboring and giving birth are exhausting and having a new baby that relies on its mother for food makes for limited sleep. Also, it sometimes takes the baby a little while to get the hang of breastfeeding. Being supportive through this process is important because it can be stressful for the mother.

BPP: What was it like for you the first few days and weeks after bringing your new babies home?

LL: It’s amazing how quickly you forget the size of a newborn. I spend the first few days marveling at the tiny-ness of the new addition to the family.

BPP: : If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to expecting or new parents, what would it be?

LL: It’s cliche that kids change your lives, which is absolutely true, but I think it’s important to not let your kids change how you live. We try to do most of the same things we used to do before kids, with them in tow. Kids are resilient and keeping them isolated to the house doesn’t help them or the new parents.

Lloyd’s Sanity Savers:

When acting as a birth partner, know your partner’s wishes and the birth plan before heading into the delivery room. You will be functioning as a support person, advocate and liaison for the woman that is giving birth. That’s a big job to take on!
After baby is born, mom will continue to need emotional support and time to rest while she recovers from the delivery and adjusts to breast-feeding.
Witnessing the birth of a child is amazing and inspiring – savor the experience and don’t let the adventure stop there. Your children will benefit if you continue to live your life to the fullest, with them along for the ride.

Thanks for sharing the often untold story of what it is like on other side of the delivery experience, Lloyd. We appreciate your insights and perspective! – C & K ♥

Letting Go :: Sunday Sanity

February 15, 2014 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

When I became pregnant with my first child, I had no clue that I was embarking on the most intense period of personal development I have ever experienced. Forget those self-help books I had filled my shelves with. My new baby became my guru, counselor and coach all wrapped up in one dimpled package.

Perhaps I should have guessed that major growth was coming my way when my acupuncturist shared some advice on giving birth. She explained that most women reach a point in their labor when they feel like they might just die if they have to endure any more pain. This is an important part of the labor, she reasoned, because a part of you IS dying. You are essentially being reborn as a mother, a parent. The mind-numbing pain serves as a signal to surrender completely to the labor, to let go of control and to give in to the natural process of life. My acupuncturist urged me to practice surrendering as I awaited the big day.

Gulp… How did she know that control was an issue for me? That I grew up in a chaotic, single-parent home, and that I learned to cope with the chaos by attempting to manipulate my environment, my appearance, my everything? “Surrender – Let Go,” became my silent mantra for the remainder of my pregnancy.

Predictably, my new theme song slipped my mind as I worked my way through the labor. But the significance of the event did not escape me; the natural birth of my son was an incredibly transformative experience. And afterward, I thought, Whew – hard part over!

Heh-heh. Little did I know that Aidan’s birth was only the beginning of my own “rebirth,” and that my new baby boy would unwittingly encourage me to give up control in the weeks and months to come.

It began two weeks after his arrival. Aidan wasn’t gaining weight, despite my zealous attempts to breast-feed him. Consequently, I had to swallow my pride… and seek some help. When he was four weeks old and developed baby acne, cradle cap and a splotchy rash, I confronted my own appearance-related insecurities. And when he was two and I had to lug him, bawling and flailing, out of the library when he wasn’t quite ready to leave, I let go of other people’s perceptions and judgments.

I let go of being on time, having stain-free clothing, getting a full night’s sleep, knowing all the answers…

I let go.

I realized that I was also surrendering and quietly letting down my walls. I surrendered to the jubilant hugs, slobbery kisses and uninhibited cuddling that only a little one can bestow. Surrendered to the most pure, unadulterated and unwavering love I have ever given or received in my life.

Naturally, this is an ongoing journey for me. I still battle with various control issues. I have two boys now, and catch myself pacing the house tense-shouldered, miffed that I am not in complete control of my hand-print covered, laundry-filled home. The tension usually signals me to breathe and start up my old chant, “Surrender – Let Go.” My sons seem determined to teach me this important life lesson, even if they have to spill 200 cups of sticky juice to get the message through. Stubborn like their mama, they’re going to break me of my control habit, regardless of what it takes!

BPP Sanity Savers

Your process of surrender can begin before your baby arrives. Have a plan and be prepared for your birth, but hold on as loosely as you can.
Identify the areas of your life in which you have a tightly-gripped, non-negotiable need for control. Try to think of small ways to relax in these areas, even if just in your mind.
Remember that the beautiful insanity of a new baby is short (even though difficult chapters can seem to take an eternity). Try to embrace the lack of control as much as you can.

Here’s to strength and sanity,

Kirsten

Labor & Delivery Nurse :: Wednesday Wisdom

February 11, 2014 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

Emmy, her fiancé, Ross, and Charlotte.

One of the goals of this blog is to share the experiences and wisdom of the amazing peeps who help deliver babies into the world. We will be featuring interviews with midwives, ObGyn’s, and doulas, presenting a wide range of opinions and perspectives. For this Wednesday’s Wisdom, we are talking with Labor and Delivery Nurse, Emmy Voosen, RN. Emmy graduated from UT Austin’s nursing school in 2011. She has worked as an L&D nurse for the last two years and genuinely adores her job. Emmy says that, “Bringing new life into the world is overwhelmingly rewarding and exciting!”

BPP: Emmy, you seem to have chosen the right career path – it is evident how much you love what you do. How did you decide to become a labor and delivery nurse?
EV: It was very easy, actually. My mother was a labor and delivery nurse and I can remember thinking, ‘Man, coolest job ever!’ as a child. I followed my childhood dream, and there isn’t a doubt in my mind that this is where I am supposed to be.

BPP: Approximately how many births have you assisted with?
EV: Oh, goodness. Too many to count!

BPP: What has surprised you the most about being an L&D nurse?
EV: The stress level. Although deliveries usually bring smiles and happy times, some nights are so busy (darn those full moons!) that there is little to no time to use the restroom, drink water, or even sit down during the 12 hour shift. It is a good thing I love what I do!

BPP: Any suggestions on how parents-to-be can prepare for labor, delivery and/or postpartum recovery?
EV: Attend prenatal classes. In my experience, mothers and fathers who do so are less anxious and have a better idea of what to expect. Look around your area! Here in New Braunfels at Christus Santa Rosa Hospital, multiple classes are offered—including breastfeeding, childbirth preparation, big brother/big sister, and how to take care of mom/baby once you’re home. There are tons of resources out there to help expectant and new moms and their families.

BPP: In your opinion, advantages and disadvantages of having a hospital birth?
EV: After seeing some of the things that can go wrong during childbirth, I could not, in good conscience, recommend that anyone give birth outside of a hospital (just my opinion). Although hospitals can feel sterile and cold, there is a comfort in knowing that you are surrounded by professionals equipped to handle emergencies for mother and baby, and that you are close to an OR if a cesarean section becomes necessary. Some of the benefits of delivering at home or in a birthing center, not within a hospital, would be the comfort and familiarity of the environment and freedom to move and change positions without being on continuous fetal monitoring. However, it all comes down to making informed decisions and personal preferences.

BPP: Do you have a favorite birth story?
EV: Being my cousin’s nurse for the birth of her first daughter (she has 3 boys!) will always have a special place in my heart. It was an honor to be her nurse and witness another miracle of life.

BPP: How can birth partners be helpful to the woman who is delivering?
EV: Take prenatal classes together. Discuss the mother’s plan and wishes for labor so the partner is on the same page and knows how to support her best. Simply be present (examples: hold her hand, rub her back.) Every woman is different, but having a partner there to listen to your needs/requests/complaints and provide unconditional support is extremely helpful during the challenging, yet rewarding, process of labor and delivery.

BPP: How do you interact with doulas and midwives who are in the delivery room with the expecting parents?
EV: We work as a team. It is their job as well as mine to advocate for the patient. We collaborate to provide the best care for the expectant mother and her family.

BPP: You have not become a parent yet. Has being an L&D nurse impacted your views and plans for starting a family?
EV: Definitely! Being an L&D nurse has really opened my eyes. I have seen the love and joy that is brought on with the birth of a new baby, but I have also encountered just how much work this new bundle of joy can be. Having a baby is life changing and I have come to realize that there will be a time for me, but just not right now. ; )

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?
EV: This is more for mothers-to-be, but I would recommend becoming educated on the process, while keeping an open mind when it comes to your labor and childbirth experience. Often times, people have rigid and specific birth plans. This can lead to more anxiety and, occasionally, feelings of failure if things don’t go exactly as planned. Also, use the nurses, ask questions, and let us know how we can make you most comfortable during the labor process. We are there to support you during this exciting, yet nerve-racking experience!

Emmy’s Sanity Savers:

Take prenatal classes with your birth partner so that you both feel informed and prepared for childbirth and postpartum recovery. (We personally recommend a baby proofed parents workshop. Just sayin’.)
Keep an open mind about the labor and delivery process. Be informed, think positively and then go with the flow.
Communicate openly and freely with your nurse (or midwife or doula). If they’re anything like Emmy, they feel honored to be part of your birth experience and they want to support you in any way they can!

Thanks Emmy – great pointers for any expecting couple, whether they are planning a hospital or home birth! – C & K ♥