sickness | baby proofed parents

Holiday adventures.

This Thanksgiving holiday I had a house full of extended family and a weather forecast full of rain. Despite the gloomy prognosis, I’m thrilled to announce that the visit went remarkably smoothly. The kids all got along – no meltdowns, no big brawls. The adults all got along – no meltdowns, no big brawls. We went on several adventures and had plenty of quality time at home. Overall, it was a very successful week… except for one thing: I got sick. Really sick.

My throat began feeling sore at the beginning of the visit and by the time my sister and her daughters boarded the plane home, I had a high-fever and could barely swallow. My doctor confirmed a diagnosis of strep and I went home with a prescription and an order to kick up my feet and rest.

For most moms I know, kicking up their feet and resting is a near impossibility. There are kids that need to be fed, bathed and bedded. Life doesn’t just stop because mom or dad isn’t feeling well. As the spot-on Nyquil commercials imply, Moms and Dads don’t get PTO or sick days, amIright?

After 11 years of being a parent, I’ve done the sick-parenting thing many, many times, and I’m here to offer you support and suggestions (that actually don’t involve Nyquil, although I know parents who swear by the stuff):

1. Do the bare minimum: Forget the laundry. Pull out the paper plates. Housecleaning, baths and phone calls can wait. Make sure everyone gets fed and stays safe. All other tasks and priorities can be put on hold. The more your rest, the more quickly you will feel like yourself again. You can catch up on everything when you are well. And you will catch up – like Superwoman on steroids, because you’ll feel like a new person!

2. Call in the troops and ask for help: You’re probably thinking, Duh… This one is kind of a no brainer. But for many of us parents, asking for help and handing the reins to someone else can be challenging. When you are the captain of your ship, and your know exactly how your kids like their sandwiches and precisely what routine will help them go to the sleep at night, it is hard to ask someone to step in and do your job. Even your spouse! On the last day of my sister’s visit, my illness had rendered me pathetic. My husband was out, so I asked her to handle the last meal of the day with the kids. I could hear pans and dishing clanging in the kitchen and I made the conscious choice to let go and let her be in charge – not something that comes easy for me!

3. Make it a lesson in empathy: I’ve said this countless times before, but it is OK and even beneficial for our kids to see us being vulnerable and human. Moms and dads get sick too – we aren’t robots. As your little ones get older, you might be surprised with the tenderness and empathy they exhibit when they see you suffering with a cold. My 10 yr. old takes on a whole new level of independence when he observes me looking like death warmed over. Capitalize on these moments of role reversal and allow the little people to care for the caretaker (or at the least entertain themselves).

4. Keep your germs to your self: There is only one thing worse than parenting when you are sick. Parenting when you AND your child are sick. Mark those episodes down as all time lows in the kid-rearing adventures. My recommendation? Wash your hands often, avoid close contact and cup sharing and let your partner or another healthy adult handle bath time and food prep if at all possible. Most of the time, it is fine to breastfeed because you are actually boosting your baby’s immunity, but be sure to ask your doctor. If you can keep the rest of your crew healthy, it will help to speed along your own healing.

5. Throw your “Perfect Parent” hat out the window: Perhaps you usually limit your kids to one hour of screen time a day? Maybe you make it a practice to get your baby out on a walk in the fresh air every afternoon? You probably have wonderful routines that make you the great parent that you are. Forget about all of that. Don’t worry about the TV being on all day or cold pizza being served for dinner. Your number one priority should be resting and getting well.

And now that I’ve given you those 5 tips, my final advice is…

6. Avoid getting sick in the first place: Do what works for you to keep your immune system strong and your stress levels down so that you stay healthy and well during the cold and flu season. (I’m really lecturing myself here.) Elderberry, Vitamin C, Emergencees — pick your potion and drink your liquids. Because, no matter how many tips I give you for parenting when you’re sick, it still kinda sucks. So wash your hands, get your sleep and keep your body strong. You’re doing the hardest job there is, and you need your strength to do it!

Here’s to Sanity and Echinacea,

Kirsten

My first baby caught his first cold at the age of ten months. I was devastated. I assumed that the breast-feeding, pureed veggies and good sleep would make my little one immune to all illness. I was wrong. When I schlepped my congested patient into our pediatrician’s office, she calmly explained that my son had to build up his immune system somehow, and that his inability to blow his nose would make the cold last longer. She was right. No matter how much I tried to siphon out the mass quantities of snot with the little-blue-bulb-sucker-thing (and no matter how many times he swatted the snot-sucker out of my hand) I could not speed that cold out of his system. It simply had to run its course.

Thus began a virtual marathon of viruses, bugs and infections. By the time Aidan was four years old, he had produced enough snot to fill a swimming pool. “I’ve just accepted that this is the way it’s going to be,” Cheryl often said in reference to her own children’s sniffles. I too worked on acceptance, worked on believing that illness is actually the most direct path to health.

Aidan did not limit his resilience building to the common cold. By the time he entered kindergarten, he had wedged a black bean up his nose, almost bitten right through his tongue, swallowed (and passed) a red plastic cherry from the Hi Ho Cherry-O board game, and somehow contracted a MRSA staph infection in his lymph gland (resulting in neck surgery and a scar that I’m pretty sure a future girlfriend will one day find manly). Our little guy was not only strengthening his immune system, he was testing out his infrastructure, and simultaneously testing his parents’ ability to roll with the punches.

None of these bumps and bruises prepared my husband and me for the health struggles that our second baby would encounter. Two weeks after Elliott was born, he was hospitalized and diagnosed with Posterior Urethral Valve, a congenital condition that affects the kidneys and bladder. Multiple hospitalizations and surgeries followed for our sweet little newborn and Aidan’s snottiness and stomach bugs suddenly paled in comparison. My ER doctor friend, Janna, reassured me that Elliott’s body had plenty of time to adapt and remodel. And she was right. Elliott’s body not only remodeled, it thrived. He developed into a healthy Christopher Robin-esque creature who currently towers over the other kindergartners in his classroom.

Despite my kids’ ability to divide and conquer their own health issues, I still find myself chasing them around with a metaphorical bubble wand. It is now the emotional pain that brings out my mama bear tendencies. The nurturing caretaker in me wants to protect my boys from all disappointment and hurt feelings. But the therapist in me knows that they have to experience some pain in order to develop the grit they’ll require later in life. So, I urge myself to sit back and let the squabbles, the bad school days and the crocodile tears work themselves out. In order to build up our kid’s strength, we have to allow them to suffer a little. I’m not sure if this suffering is worse for the kids or the parents. But I do know that if I gently support my kids as they work through their sniffles and scuffles, we will all come out a little healthier and a little tougher in the end.

Here’s to Strength, Sanity and Scars!

Kirsten

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