birth partner | baby proofed parents

Hey there birth partner, I see you – 3 Tips for Navigating the Postpartum Period

April 26, 2018 By: babyproofedparentscomment

My husband had surgery a few months ago. It was a semi-serious surgery that kept him in the hospital one night and then he was released to my care. Keep in mind that I am no nurse. In fact, blood and bodily fluids tend to make me a little squeamish. However, the doctor assured me that his aftercare would be easy peasy. My husband would only need plenty of rest and hydration.

In preparation, I scheduled a few days off of work and began listing all of the things I could catch up on. Sorting through old paperwork, filing insurance claims for my counseling practice, cleaning out my closet – because OMG, it needs a good clean out. By the time they took him back to the OR for his procedure, I had a page-long list of To-Do’s ready for doing. I was kind of looking forward to having a few free days at home while he recovered.

Um… whatever.

After I brought my hubby/patient home from the hospital, I didn’t stop moving. He needed his meds. Then he needed a drink of water. How about a smoothie now? He was cold – could he have a blanket? Oh, the kids are home from school now. Homework and dinner and bedtime. But no bed time for me because my surgery patient needed bathing. And his pain was truly intolerable. And… there were plenty of body fluids. Eeeek! Up and down we went all night.

Needless to say, I didn’t get anything done on my To-Do list. In fact, as the week progressed, I became more exhausted as my husband became more rested.

It gave me flash backs to when we came home from the hospital with our second newborn. I had just given birth. I needed to focus on recovering and breastfeeding, right? So, I fully expected my husband to be my right-hand man.

He really delivered.

He brought food and water and reassurance whenever I needed it. He handled our preschooler like a champ and ran to the grocery store for all of our worldly needs. He never stopped moving while I did a lot of sitting.

I guess I always assumed that he had the super easy job as birth partner. I never stopped to think that his role in supporting and caring for me might have been just as exhausting as my recovery from the birth.

My little stint as nurse and caretaker made this very clear for me. It also helped me to identify some tips that might help set the birth partner up for success during the postpartum period.

1) Get things ready ahead of time: The last month or two of the pregnancy, begin preparing things to make the caretaker’s job easier. Set up some comfy areas in your home that will work well for breastfeeding and resting. You’ll want a good chair, a little side table to keep magazines and books, the remote control, something to play music on, a small light and an ottoman to kick up your feet on. Stock the fridge and pantry with your favorite foods and snacks that can be easily prepared. Stock plenty of healthy beverages and fun cups/straws to drink them out of. Ask your midwife or doctor for a list of comfort items (heating pads, breastfeeding-friendly pain meds, hemorrhoid pads) and show your partner where they are stored. Last but not least, think about investing in a good old-fashioned bell. Yelling and texting work fine, but the little ding of a bell might work better.

2) Accept help: This is a big one for both Mom and birth partner. When my husband was preparing to go into surgery, all of our friends and family were asking how they could help. More specifically, they were offering to provide food or watch our boys. “No, thanks,” I told most of them. “We’ll be fine. I have food in the fridge and the boys can entertain themselves.” Well, several days later, I was kicking myself. It would have been reeeeealy nice to have meals delivered to our doorstep or to have my boys carpooled around for the week. Fortunately, there were several sweet people who wouldn’t take no for an answer and brought food and help any way. Lesson learned: Accept the help of others. You can always decline later on, but sending out an SOS is trickier.

3) Care for the caretaker: The caretaker is going to be on their feet a lot. They probably won’t be getting much more sleep than mom. For this reason, I encourage birth partners to clear any big commitments off of their calendar so that they can reserve their energy for care-taking and resting. Birth partners should stock up on their own favorite snacks, drinks, movies and books. When mom and baby are resting, the caretaker should also rest and relax. Don’t worry about keeping the house immaculate or staying on top of everything. You guys will have plenty of time to catch up. In the meantime, focus on loving on this new little baby and taking care of both of you.

Here’s to Strength & Birth Partners,

Kirsten

The Birth Guy :: Wednesday Wisdom

October 1, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Update 10/2015: Since we interviewed Brian one year ago, a lot of amazing things have been happening for him. He and a team of other dads launched the Rocking Dads Podcast. He went live on Periscope and hasn’t stopped sharing his enthusiasm with the world. And he recently signed contracts in LA with an agent and a producer to launch his own reality show. Look out for The Birth Guy. He’s coming to a screen near you!

Meet Brian Salmon, aka The Birth Guy. Brian is San Antonio’s only actively practicing male doula (or “Dude-La” as he likes to call himself, being a surfer from California). The Birth Guy knew he’d found his calling in birth education and support when he assisted his first birth at 19 years old. Witnessing his daughters, Eva (9) and Daisy (5) both be born by emergency Cesarian delivery reinforced his desire to help parents prepare for childbirth, regardless of how the birth unfolds. Brian is a Certified Lactation Counselor and owns BabyVision Ultrasound, San Antonio’s leader in prenatal imaging. Having worked with over 19,000 expectant families, Brian has taught many childbirth classes and currently facilitates the ever popular Rocking Dads and Facilitating Fearless Birth workshops. Brian has been featured on NBC, FOX, ABC, Univision and the blog, OurMilkyWay.org. And just last week, he began filming a pilot for the new Birth Guy TV Show! We are so excited to feature The Birth Guy on the BPP blog, because his passion for helping new parents is truly one of a kind.

BPP: It is highly unusual to meet a male doula or lactation counselor. How did you find yourself on this career path?

TBG: I sort of fell into it. I was asked to coach a very special birth at the age of 19 while studying pre-med and I loved it. Over the last four years, I have expanded my services and outreach because of the need I’ve seen not only in my community, but in the United States…well, really globally. I saw many birth professionals instill fear in the expectant parents they were working with. I felt like I needed to get out there and make a difference when I realized that too many moms walk away upset and wounded from births.

BPP: You facilitate the wildly popular and very unique Rocking Dads workshops. Your classes are always jam packed. What kind of experience do expectant fathers take away from your workshops?

TBG: I’m going to let the dads speak for me. Here are a few bits of feedback from a book of evaluations I keep:

Brian was awesome. Funny, informative and reassuring. The man definitely knows what he is talking about!
The information about the birth plan was helpful – a lot of great advice about what to do and what not to do.
Brian was excellent – tons of great info in three hours. I feel much better and more prepared. He was understanding and non-judgmental.
All of the advice about breastfeeding and childbirth was great – this workshop could be twice as long.
Brian is no BS – he talks about things at everyone’s level.

Graduates of a Rocking Dads Class

BPP: What are the most common concerns or issues you see with expectant or new dads?

TBG: Most dads need to realize that birth is what mom was designed for, so when she is screaming, moaning, growling, hitting, crying and everything else that happens in labor, he just needs to support and hold space. Dads sometimes feel pushed aside in the process. I teach them to not just be present, but that they have responsibility to be the other half of the parenting team. We cover so much in the class from understanding pregnancy, stages of labor, interventions, breastfeeding, team building, creating a birth plan and millions of other things that go along with the ride.

BPP: You have mastered the skills of lactation educator and counselor/consultant. How do you partner with couples to prepare them for the job of breastfeeding?

TBG: Education, education, education! Some breastfeeding classes are taught, not for success, but by people who want you to hire them when you have problems. I prefer to prepare moms in such a way that they rarely need more than a follow-up phone call after baby arrives. I train the partner to look for common signs of an improper latch, but most of all I encourage them to support and love on mom so that she is calm. It is important for her to take some time to get relaxed with baby. I also train couples to recognize early feeding cues so they have time to latch before the baby freaks out and is screaming for food (which isn’t good for anyone).

BPP: As a birth doula, how do you interact with couples in the delivery room? Do you attend both hospital and home births?

TBG: I go wherever I am needed – different families require different things. Regardless of the birth setting, I make sure that my clients are prepared and that we act as a cohesive unit. When I take on a client, I partner with them on everything: ultrasounds, education, birth visualizations, breastfeeding training and a visit to the hospital or birth center. I love home births as well, but that is a whole other type of doula-ing!

BPP: Do people ever question your ability to advise on breast-feeding or childbirth since you are a man?

TBG: I have definitely experienced healthy doses of reverse discrimination. The only people who ever question my expertise are people who don’t know me or view me as competition (personally, I don’t view other birth professionals as competitors, because there are plenty of expectant couples to help, and that should be our focus!). When an individual gets to know me or takes one of my classes, they get it. There is a reason that multiple lactation consultants support me in teaching free breastfeeding classes every month in San Antonio – I know my stuff!

BPP: Anyone who interacts with you or your website can see that you clearly LOVE your job. You radiate enthusiasm and positivity! What are things you enjoy the most about it?

TBG: I do not feel like I work a day in my life! My favorite moments are when I see a couple embrace with a new kind of intimacy that just radiates love and compassion. I am so excited for all the expectant parents I work with, and even more excited when I know they have really worked hard, together, to achieve the the birth they want. I love when I hear a birth story that may not have been what the couple wanted, but because they were prepared mentally and emotionally, the new outcome does not take away from the joy of a baby and a brand new family dynamic. I love seeing parents really get breastfeeding and work through the speed bumps. And of course, seeing babies be born is a favorite!

BPP: You are a father to two young girls. How does being a dad impact your business and career path?

TBG: It’s more like, how doesn’t it? My girls are phenomenal. They both totally get what I do for work. I often see my clients in public, and they call me “The Birth Guy”. My oldest says that’s the real reason I’m popular, and she may be right! I have learned so much from them both, which translates into a different understanding and perspective in my career. Eva, my oldest, was not at all the pregnancy, birth, or breastfeeding experience I thought she would be. She was exactly the opposite. That paved the way for me to change and redirect my approach/understanding. I learned a new type of compassion which drove me to really teach people what the “dark corners” can be, giving them a metaphorical flashlight. Daisy, my second, was born sick too. We were more prepared, but the journey was different. We were divorcing during the pregnancy, which was horrible. I felt abandoned, while waiting for a baby to arrive, knowing that I would only see both of my kids 1/2 time. It really taught me about strength (and about poor decision-making), and it ultimately shaped me into a much better father, friend and Birth Guy!

BPP: If you had to give one (and we know you have ten million) sanity-saving pointers to expectant or new parents, what would it be?

TBG: Go get educated in birth and breastfeeding, and nurture your relationship, as this will give your baby the best environment. Be careful to not choose mentors who are negative and teach with a fear-based style!

We’ve met a lot of amazing folks in the baby industry, and Brian is one of the true gems. Check out his social media channels and YouTube videos, especially if you are in need of a smile. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us, Brian! C & K ♥

Want more?

Go to The Birth Guy’s website for classes schedules, doula services and great videos: http://thebirthguy.com/

Like Brian on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/brianthebirthguy

Follow @BirthGuy on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/BirthGuy

Find his videos on YouTube…. more to come: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvfvVfZQc06tpHjXWekt9OA

One last thing – here is an ad that The Birth Guy created to advocate for breastfeeding, wherever a mom needs to, even if it is public:

Three Times A Dad :: Wednesday Wisdom

February 25, 2014 By: babyproofedparents4 Comments

The Lee Family

Meet Lloyd Lee. Lloyd is an awesome dad with a unique perspective – he has coached his wife, Chelese, through three different births in two different settings. And they have three sweet daughters to show for it. When not spending time at home with “the girls”, this native Texan is working hard at his green construction & solar business, Native, or enjoying BBQ and quality craft-beers at his family-owned micro-brewery, Smoke’n Hops.

BPP: As we can see in your photo, you are surrounded by lovely ladies. Be honest – what’s it like to be the only male in a family of five?

LL: I’ve learned that although many people make emotionally-based decisions which they later rationalize with logic, the women in my life are content with just the first part of this decision making process. Besides this, there is a great deal more glitter, random singing, dressing up, and hugging than the primarily male household in which I grew up.

BPP: Your wife, Chelese, gave birth to your first little girl over seven years ago. Can you remember what that moment was like?

LL: Definitely. It was a mixture of pride in Chelese, astonishment that her body could do what I was witnessing, relief that the baby was healthy, and an immediate sense of heightened responsibility.

BPP: You have had the unique experience of coaching Chelese through two hospital births and one midwife-assisted birth in a birthing center. Can you share with us the key differences that you noticed between the two settings?

LL: The hospital births felt like a well-rehearsed process. Not so much for us, but for the numerous staff members who had been through this countless times. They knew and followed the process and if things weren’t going accordingly, changes were made to bring it back within bounds. The birthing center was a completely different experience. They approach each birth as a unique experience and allow the mother and baby to dictate the rules vs. having preconceived notions of what it should be like. This fundamental difference empowers the mother to focus on the job at hand and not worry about missing a deadline for progress, which will result in intervention.

BPP: Since you are now a childbirth veteran, any suggestions for dads or birth partners on how to support the woman who is laboring and delivering?

LL: Know your partner and how they want to be supported. Support comes in lots of forms and not everyone responds to it the same way. My wife appreciated verbal support, physical contact, and reminders of how the birth was progressing. Try to stick to the birth plan and act as the liaison between the mother and hospital staff. Without this, the mother may make decisions to expedite delivery that may leave her feeling defeated later.

BPP: Without getting too graphic, can you share what it is like to be at the other end of the labor and delivery experience? Oh, what the heck, you can get graphic if you would like.

LL: Pretty amazing. I never fully appreciated why it’s referred to as labor until witnessing it myself. The “miracle” of childbirth does not involve pixie dust or magic. It’s laden with blood, sweat, and tears. Nothing reminds you that we are another animal roaming this planet like the instant that your baby’s head pops out.

BPP: Any suggestions on how birth partners can communicate with the nurse, doctors, doulas and/or midwives?

LL: I would just recommend communicating desires related to how you’d like the birth to go. It doesn’t guarantee it will go as planned, but having a plan helps all parties understand expectations.

BPP: After each baby was born, how did you support Chelese as she recovered from the delivery?

LL: The biggest area of support is to let the mother sleep. Laboring and giving birth are exhausting and having a new baby that relies on its mother for food makes for limited sleep. Also, it sometimes takes the baby a little while to get the hang of breastfeeding. Being supportive through this process is important because it can be stressful for the mother.

BPP: What was it like for you the first few days and weeks after bringing your new babies home?

LL: It’s amazing how quickly you forget the size of a newborn. I spend the first few days marveling at the tiny-ness of the new addition to the family.

BPP: : If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to expecting or new parents, what would it be?

LL: It’s cliche that kids change your lives, which is absolutely true, but I think it’s important to not let your kids change how you live. We try to do most of the same things we used to do before kids, with them in tow. Kids are resilient and keeping them isolated to the house doesn’t help them or the new parents.

Lloyd’s Sanity Savers:

When acting as a birth partner, know your partner’s wishes and the birth plan before heading into the delivery room. You will be functioning as a support person, advocate and liaison for the woman that is giving birth. That’s a big job to take on!
After baby is born, mom will continue to need emotional support and time to rest while she recovers from the delivery and adjusts to breast-feeding.
Witnessing the birth of a child is amazing and inspiring – savor the experience and don’t let the adventure stop there. Your children will benefit if you continue to live your life to the fullest, with them along for the ride.

Thanks for sharing the often untold story of what it is like on other side of the delivery experience, Lloyd. We appreciate your insights and perspective! – C & K ♥

Labor & Delivery Nurse :: Wednesday Wisdom

February 11, 2014 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

Emmy, her fiancé, Ross, and Charlotte.

One of the goals of this blog is to share the experiences and wisdom of the amazing peeps who help deliver babies into the world. We will be featuring interviews with midwives, ObGyn’s, and doulas, presenting a wide range of opinions and perspectives. For this Wednesday’s Wisdom, we are talking with Labor and Delivery Nurse, Emmy Voosen, RN. Emmy graduated from UT Austin’s nursing school in 2011. She has worked as an L&D nurse for the last two years and genuinely adores her job. Emmy says that, “Bringing new life into the world is overwhelmingly rewarding and exciting!”

BPP: Emmy, you seem to have chosen the right career path – it is evident how much you love what you do. How did you decide to become a labor and delivery nurse?
EV: It was very easy, actually. My mother was a labor and delivery nurse and I can remember thinking, ‘Man, coolest job ever!’ as a child. I followed my childhood dream, and there isn’t a doubt in my mind that this is where I am supposed to be.

BPP: Approximately how many births have you assisted with?
EV: Oh, goodness. Too many to count!

BPP: What has surprised you the most about being an L&D nurse?
EV: The stress level. Although deliveries usually bring smiles and happy times, some nights are so busy (darn those full moons!) that there is little to no time to use the restroom, drink water, or even sit down during the 12 hour shift. It is a good thing I love what I do!

BPP: Any suggestions on how parents-to-be can prepare for labor, delivery and/or postpartum recovery?
EV: Attend prenatal classes. In my experience, mothers and fathers who do so are less anxious and have a better idea of what to expect. Look around your area! Here in New Braunfels at Christus Santa Rosa Hospital, multiple classes are offered—including breastfeeding, childbirth preparation, big brother/big sister, and how to take care of mom/baby once you’re home. There are tons of resources out there to help expectant and new moms and their families.

BPP: In your opinion, advantages and disadvantages of having a hospital birth?
EV: After seeing some of the things that can go wrong during childbirth, I could not, in good conscience, recommend that anyone give birth outside of a hospital (just my opinion). Although hospitals can feel sterile and cold, there is a comfort in knowing that you are surrounded by professionals equipped to handle emergencies for mother and baby, and that you are close to an OR if a cesarean section becomes necessary. Some of the benefits of delivering at home or in a birthing center, not within a hospital, would be the comfort and familiarity of the environment and freedom to move and change positions without being on continuous fetal monitoring. However, it all comes down to making informed decisions and personal preferences.

BPP: Do you have a favorite birth story?
EV: Being my cousin’s nurse for the birth of her first daughter (she has 3 boys!) will always have a special place in my heart. It was an honor to be her nurse and witness another miracle of life.

BPP: How can birth partners be helpful to the woman who is delivering?
EV: Take prenatal classes together. Discuss the mother’s plan and wishes for labor so the partner is on the same page and knows how to support her best. Simply be present (examples: hold her hand, rub her back.) Every woman is different, but having a partner there to listen to your needs/requests/complaints and provide unconditional support is extremely helpful during the challenging, yet rewarding, process of labor and delivery.

BPP: How do you interact with doulas and midwives who are in the delivery room with the expecting parents?
EV: We work as a team. It is their job as well as mine to advocate for the patient. We collaborate to provide the best care for the expectant mother and her family.

BPP: You have not become a parent yet. Has being an L&D nurse impacted your views and plans for starting a family?
EV: Definitely! Being an L&D nurse has really opened my eyes. I have seen the love and joy that is brought on with the birth of a new baby, but I have also encountered just how much work this new bundle of joy can be. Having a baby is life changing and I have come to realize that there will be a time for me, but just not right now. ; )

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?
EV: This is more for mothers-to-be, but I would recommend becoming educated on the process, while keeping an open mind when it comes to your labor and childbirth experience. Often times, people have rigid and specific birth plans. This can lead to more anxiety and, occasionally, feelings of failure if things don’t go exactly as planned. Also, use the nurses, ask questions, and let us know how we can make you most comfortable during the labor process. We are there to support you during this exciting, yet nerve-racking experience!

Emmy’s Sanity Savers:

Take prenatal classes with your birth partner so that you both feel informed and prepared for childbirth and postpartum recovery. (We personally recommend a baby proofed parents workshop. Just sayin’.)
Keep an open mind about the labor and delivery process. Be informed, think positively and then go with the flow.
Communicate openly and freely with your nurse (or midwife or doula). If they’re anything like Emmy, they feel honored to be part of your birth experience and they want to support you in any way they can!

Thanks Emmy – great pointers for any expecting couple, whether they are planning a hospital or home birth! – C & K ♥