self care | baby proofed parents

Hey there birth partner, I see you – 3 Tips for Navigating the Postpartum Period

April 26, 2018 By: babyproofedparentscomment

My husband had surgery a few months ago. It was a semi-serious surgery that kept him in the hospital one night and then he was released to my care. Keep in mind that I am no nurse. In fact, blood and bodily fluids tend to make me a little squeamish. However, the doctor assured me that his aftercare would be easy peasy. My husband would only need plenty of rest and hydration.

In preparation, I scheduled a few days off of work and began listing all of the things I could catch up on. Sorting through old paperwork, filing insurance claims for my counseling practice, cleaning out my closet – because OMG, it needs a good clean out. By the time they took him back to the OR for his procedure, I had a page-long list of To-Do’s ready for doing. I was kind of looking forward to having a few free days at home while he recovered.

Um… whatever.

After I brought my hubby/patient home from the hospital, I didn’t stop moving. He needed his meds. Then he needed a drink of water. How about a smoothie now? He was cold – could he have a blanket? Oh, the kids are home from school now. Homework and dinner and bedtime. But no bed time for me because my surgery patient needed bathing. And his pain was truly intolerable. And… there were plenty of body fluids. Eeeek! Up and down we went all night.

Needless to say, I didn’t get anything done on my To-Do list. In fact, as the week progressed, I became more exhausted as my husband became more rested.

It gave me flash backs to when we came home from the hospital with our second newborn. I had just given birth. I needed to focus on recovering and breastfeeding, right? So, I fully expected my husband to be my right-hand man.

He really delivered.

He brought food and water and reassurance whenever I needed it. He handled our preschooler like a champ and ran to the grocery store for all of our worldly needs. He never stopped moving while I did a lot of sitting.

I guess I always assumed that he had the super easy job as birth partner. I never stopped to think that his role in supporting and caring for me might have been just as exhausting as my recovery from the birth.

My little stint as nurse and caretaker made this very clear for me. It also helped me to identify some tips that might help set the birth partner up for success during the postpartum period.

1) Get things ready ahead of time: The last month or two of the pregnancy, begin preparing things to make the caretaker’s job easier. Set up some comfy areas in your home that will work well for breastfeeding and resting. You’ll want a good chair, a little side table to keep magazines and books, the remote control, something to play music on, a small light and an ottoman to kick up your feet on. Stock the fridge and pantry with your favorite foods and snacks that can be easily prepared. Stock plenty of healthy beverages and fun cups/straws to drink them out of. Ask your midwife or doctor for a list of comfort items (heating pads, breastfeeding-friendly pain meds, hemorrhoid pads) and show your partner where they are stored. Last but not least, think about investing in a good old-fashioned bell. Yelling and texting work fine, but the little ding of a bell might work better.

2) Accept help: This is a big one for both Mom and birth partner. When my husband was preparing to go into surgery, all of our friends and family were asking how they could help. More specifically, they were offering to provide food or watch our boys. “No, thanks,” I told most of them. “We’ll be fine. I have food in the fridge and the boys can entertain themselves.” Well, several days later, I was kicking myself. It would have been reeeeealy nice to have meals delivered to our doorstep or to have my boys carpooled around for the week. Fortunately, there were several sweet people who wouldn’t take no for an answer and brought food and help any way. Lesson learned: Accept the help of others. You can always decline later on, but sending out an SOS is trickier.

3) Care for the caretaker: The caretaker is going to be on their feet a lot. They probably won’t be getting much more sleep than mom. For this reason, I encourage birth partners to clear any big commitments off of their calendar so that they can reserve their energy for care-taking and resting. Birth partners should stock up on their own favorite snacks, drinks, movies and books. When mom and baby are resting, the caretaker should also rest and relax. Don’t worry about keeping the house immaculate or staying on top of everything. You guys will have plenty of time to catch up. In the meantime, focus on loving on this new little baby and taking care of both of you.

Here’s to Strength & Birth Partners,

Kirsten

5 Tips for Parenting through the Storm

November 15, 2016 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

Updated February 2017: Since the new year is turning out to be just as intense as 2016, I updated this article and added one extra tip.

OK, 2016 is proving itself to be a pretty intense year… and it isn’t even over yet. News from around the world has been bleak. With multiple mass shootings and other incidents of violence around the country, the headlines in the States haven’t been much better. Regardless of where you fall on the political spectrum, the 2016 presidential campaigns and election were downright traumatic.

As a result, I’ve observed a wide range of emotions in my counseling clients over the last few weeks: frustration, grief, anxiety and rage, to name a few. Many of my clients have entered my office in tears. A few have asked me, How in the world do you parent your two young boys through some of these days?

My answer? Parenting is actually a source of solace and sanity for me. It is one constant in my life that I can always count on. It can still be challenging at times, considering the current state of affairs. But I’ve figure out some ways to manage the hardest moments. Here are my tips for weathering the storm as a parent, when you are feeling completely overwhelmed by the news of the day:

1. Don’t Shelter From All

From a very, very young age our kids are picking up on our emotions. They see us when we are sad or angry. They watch how we work through our feelings and reactions. They observe how we soothe ourselves, how we turn to others, how we talk to our partners and how we make plans for moving forward. Our kids learn about disappointment and loss, that life doesn’t always goes as expected. But they also learn about emotional intelligence, resilience and hope. In many cases, they see us fighting and advocating for what we believe is right. My advice? Don’t feel like you have to keep your eyes dry or your TV turned off whenever your kids are in the room. It is beneficial for them to see you being human and see your response to what’s happening in the world.

That being said….

2. Find a Balance in Exposure

Yes, our kids benefit from being exposed to current events and our emotional response. But there is also a fine line between teaching and traumatizing. Remember that very young children have a hard time differentiating between imagined or exaggerated threats and real threats. If they hear enraged and inflammatory language, if they view violent images on the TV, if they see us crying non-stop, they can begin to feel like the world is going to cease to exist. It can feel quite traumatic for them — they can feel unsafe.

The same goes for us.

If we expose ourselves to too much hate-filled talk, conflict and violence, we can also spiral into depression and despondency. My advice? Limit your exposure to the news and angry rhetoric. Shut off social media when you need to. And monitor how much you are processing the news around your kids. Take breaks when needed and go back to the daily activities that bring you solace… which takes me to my next point.

3. Find Peace in Your Routines and Rituals

The great thing about having kids, whether they are a newborn or a teenager, is that they keep you busy. Regardless of how discouraged or irate you are feeling, you still have to breastfeed, do laundry, read books at bedtime and tuck little ones in. Even when the political rhetoric reaches an all time low, you still have to drive the carpool, show up for work and wash the dishes.

Kids also bring you back to soothing rituals. Yesterday I was in my favorite grocery store, Central Market, when I spotted a big display of $2.49 chocolate Advent calendars. They had the same colorful Santa-themed prints on them that they have had for the last five years. My face lit up. We still have a few weeks before the start of December, but I bounced over to the display and bought five. Two for my boys, and three for anyone else I can bestow them on. Yes, the chocolates are tiny and crappy, but my kids really, really look forward to opening a chocolate surprise for 24 mornings in December. It is these small traditions, these tiny pleasures that keep us going when we feel defeated. Seek out your family rituals and routines. Find peace in the sameness of your days and years.

4. Choose A Few Actions or Causes to Focus Your Energy On

You are a busy parent, and you don’t have a lot of free time. But you want to feel like you are doing something, like you are contributing. My suggestion is to choose one or two causes to devote your energy to so that you don’t get overwhelmed. And then do small (or big) actions whenever you can squeeze them in. Make a call to a senator, write a letter to a public official, show up to a rally or write a check to an organization that you support. Don’t beat yourself up or overextend yourself if you have limited time and energy. Involve your kids if appropriate – they will remember the actions that you take when fighting for something you believe in for the rest of their lives.

5. Make Self-Care a Priority, More Than Ever

I touched on this during my first point, but I’ll say it again: our kids are watching how we sooth and take care of ourselves when we are upset. They learn SO much about self-care and boundaries from their parents.

Knowing this, please take care of yourself.

Go to bed early, get together with friends, go to a place of worship, schedule a massage or do whatever feels comforting to you. This will allow you to stay fully present with your children. It will also allow you to march on with whatever campaign you have aligned yourself with and to participate in your relationships and your job. If you feel like you are fighting depression or extreme anxiety, don’t hesitate to reach out to a counselor. Reach out to me! I will tell you what I tell all of my clients: You are not alone. You are definitely not alone…

Here’s to Sanity and Sameness,

Kirsten

“I’m Not Your Mama, Daddy” – Clear Roles for Better Sex :: Tuesday Tip

June 23, 2015 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

You’ll hear us say it over and over – being a new parent can be all-encompasing. From personal hygiene to personal identity, a new baby rules most aspects of brand new moms’ and dads’ lives. This crash course in nurturing helps us quickly hone the skills necessary to keep our helpless little ones alive and healthy. It’s normal to feel that nurturing spilling over to our partners throughout our journey of co-parenting: cutting food into bite-sized chunks for our toddler accidentally results in cutting up food for our obviously capable spouse, “Goo-goo gah-gah what a big boy!” could technically be said to either a baby or a man, and don’t get me started on diapers. In some cases, this excess nurturing is helpful, making us more attentive, affectionate and patient with each other. But in other cases, it can completely deflate the sexy factor. Here are three ways to keep our parent/partner roles distinct, keeping attraction heated up:

1. Create time and space. Numbers 2 and 3 are contingent upon this. If you are struggling with postpartum issues, are sleep deprived, or your baby is going through an exceptionally fussy or difficult stage, survival will be the priority. Don’t pressure yourself to be in the mood, but DO work on hiring childcare or enlisting support from family and friends. You need a break from your little one to reconnect with your partner, even if it’s just a very short outing together and the only physical contact is a short make out session in the car.

2. Mentally/Emotionally separate your role as a parent from your role as a partner. Think about what feels good and when. Yes, being nurtured and treated with sweetness is nice, but when it comes to sex, we want to be seduced. Not with baby talk, but with direct, heated, “I want you, NOW,” messages. If you’re in the mood and about to approach your partner, make that mental shift by assuring yourself the baby’s needs are being met, and for the moment, compartmentalizing your parenting identity, letting your adult, sexual self take the wheel. Use your first names or pre-baby pet names instead of referring to each other as “Mommy” or “Daddy” – the way you might habitually when talking with your littles.

3. Physically separate your role as a parent from your role as a partner. When possible, schedule a sitter and get out of the house for a nice, romantic dinner. If it’s a night in, take extra time to shower, change out of your sweat pants and into something inviting. Partners – if you notice Mom is a little haggard and covered in spit up, offer to run a hot bath and pour a glass of wine for her, giving her time and incentive to transition from Mommy Town. Use foreplay techniques like massage, long hugs, listening and folding/putting away laundry before initiating sex.

Here’s to Sanity and Inviting Pants,

Cheryl

Laugh and Laugh Often :: Tuesday Tip

April 28, 2015 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

When my newborn son and I were still figuring out breastfeeding, I realized that I was going to be spending a lot of time awake… in the middle of the night… by myself… in the dark. At first, I tried to fight through my sleepiness while I made sure that my new baby’s latch was correct and he was continuing to feed. But later, I found myself creeping downstairs and quietly flipping on the TV. Why not be entertained while I nursed? I reasoned.

It was during this time that I discovered the power of laughter. Yes, I was sleep deprived. Yes, I felt very anxious about whether my newborn baby was gaining weight. But I quickly found that if I pre-recorded a movie or TV show to watch, and made it a comedy or perhaps a romantic flick with some humor, I woke up feeling lighter and more positive the next day. If Jimmy Fallon had been at the helm of the Tonight Show in 2005, he would have been on my DVR every night.

Most of us are aware that prolonged stress has a direct impact on our health and emotional well-being. There is now considerable research that suggests that laughter lowers Cortisol levels and stimulates the immune system, off-setting the negative effects of stress. (Patty Wooton, Humour: An Antidote for Stress) In fact, Norman Cousins is famous for the “laughter-therapy” he used to cure himself of a debilitating disease in the late 1970’s. By prescribing himself a regimen of Marx Brother’s movies and Candid Camera episodes, he was able to eliminate all symptoms of his condition. That’s powerful stuff!

Research or no research, I can personally vouch for laughter being a great thing when you have a newborn, toddler, or kiddo of any age. It is very easy to take life very seriously when you are figuring out how to be a parent. Sometimes we have to step back and laugh at the stream of pee that just landed in our face or the projectile spit-up that just adorned our clean sweater. Sometimes we just have to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, and know these messy, crazy-making moments are fleeting.

Laugh with your partner. Laugh with your friends. Laugh with your kids. Or laugh by yourself in the middle of the night. You’ll be glad that you did, I promise.

Tips For Sanity:

Laughter really can be the best medicine.
Find what makes YOU laugh, no matter how insane.
Find humor in the chaos… whenever you can. Spit up all over your face? Bahahaha!

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” – E. E. Cummings

Here’s to Sanity & Jimmy Fallon,

Kirsten

The Five Friends You Need to Drop :: Monday Musing

April 13, 2015 By: babyproofedparents3 Comments

I recently did a workshop on healthy friendships for a mom’s support/networking group. We began with ways to identify unhealthy friendships, and the room lit up with recognition. Every woman nodded along with at least one example, and their expressions were a mix of insight and frustration. The best observation/question: “Why do we do this?” Why, when our time is so precious, and we barely have enough of it to manage work, caring for our families and with the remaining scraps, ourselves, spend mental energy on friendships that drain us dry? There are so many factors that keep us connected to toxic relationships, most of which tap into self-esteem. I lose count of how often I quote Kirsten’s perfect philosophy on friendships, which are often the only elective relationships we have: “Friendships should be Delicious.”

Any positive change requires an honest assessment of where you currently are. As you read these checklists of unhealthy and healthy friend characteristics, consider the 5 friends you devote the most time to (not the 5 you enjoy the most, unless they’re the same people!):

Unhealthy:

1. It’s always all about her. She dominates every conversation, immediately bringing anything you share back to a personal struggle of hers. If she asks how you’re doing, it’s usually 5 minutes before it’s time to pick up the kids. “Soooo, how are YOU? Oops, gotta run…”

2. He’s catty. He spends the majority of your time together talking smack about all of his other friends and family members. It’s okay to vent, but if it’s not for the purpose of improving a relationship, it can get toxic. Likely, you’re not immune to the negativity and gossip he spreads.

Oh, Nelly…

3. She’s a “Negative Nelly” Oleson. She always plays “Devil’s Advocate,” not your advocate. She doesn’t celebrate your success authentically, and in fact seems jealous. When you share your struggles with her, you feel slightly worse instead of better. She just doesn’t have your back.

4. She can’t keep track. Maybe this friendship began with you re-introducing yourself on 5 separate occasions before it stuck. Major details of your life situation and important stories that took a lot of trust for you to reveal escape her. You repeat yourself constantly and feel vaguely invisible.

5. Guilt, not love, bonds you. You find yourself making up excuses to avoid making plans, and feel anxious when you have to cancel. You always seem to be falling short of his needs from the friendship. You don’t look forward to spending time with him, and you feel “stuck” instead of bonded.

Healthy:

1. There’s reciprocity. No matter how little time you have together, you both share and listen, both feeling heard and understood by the other.

2. He’s loving. He vents, but doesn’t attack the character of others, and is motivated to improve his relationships. You know that he will stick up for you if needed.

3. She’s uplifting and loyal. When you’re on cloud 9, so is she. When you are sad, she cries with you and hugs you tight. You leave time together feeling clearer, motivated and nurtured.

4. She pays attention. She actively listens, and remembers (at least generally) what you’ve shared with her. She makes cognitive space in her busy world for you, and you feel very seen by her.

5. Love, not guilt, bonds you. You can go for stretches of time without connecting, and pick up exactly where you left off. You look forward to and savor time with him, and you both do what it takes to make time for each other. You feel accepted and loved exactly as you are, and if there are issues or miscommunications between you, it’s easy to talk them through and adjust. The friendship is yummy.

Even a solid, healthy friendship can temporarily have unhealthy qualities, maybe because one or both of you is going through a difficult time. But, if the relationship has been a drag for a long time, draining your time and your joy, consider addressing the issues or creating some distance. The hardest work can be considering whether you bring unhealthy qualities to the friendship table yourself, and figuring out how to make changes (be patient with me, my sweet peeps, I’m working on it!).

Here’s to Sanity and Deliciousness,

Cheryl

A Workout for Busy Moms :: Wednesday Wisdom

April 1, 2015 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

Meet Allison Lambert. She is an ACE certified personal trainer, former psychology teacher and college athlete. Her desire to help women get healthy lead her to create The Fit Tutor, an online fitness service for women. Some personal trainers wear camo pants, yell a lot, or show off their six-packs to motivate their clients. Not Allison. She believes in eating chocolate, buying lots of shoes, and encouraging clients by walking along side of them on their fitness journey. She uses her knowledge and enthusiasm to help women feel confident and overcome any fear of working out. We were so interested to chat with Allison because her inexpensive, at-home fitness programs are perfect for the busy mom who wants to start making self-care more of a priority. Getting to the gym can be challenging when you have a young child – Allison brings the gym to you.

BPP: Your website provides a really unique service: affordable online fitness regimens coupled with personal training. How did you decide to launch The Fit Tutor? What was your inspiration?

AL: My passion is to help women be strong, confident, and healthy. My heart breaks every time I see someone start and stop an exercise regime because it was too hard or time consuming. I see this a lot with popular exercise videos or even pins on Pinterest. I talk with women all the time who want to lose weight and get stronger, but they feel like they don’t have time, don’t know what to do, or can’t afford a trainer.

My desire is to make healthy living attainable so women can look and feel their best! The Fit Tutor provides good, safe instruction, and the ability to workout when it fits in your schedule.

BPP: What are the advantages to signing up with the Fit Tutor vs. signing up with a bootcamp, local personal trainer or a gym?

AL: I personally disliked paying for a gym membership only to have to go through the hassle of getting there on a busy day and then waiting for equipment. I actually just quit my gym this year, and have been working out way more consistently at home. The Fit Tutor helps minimize excuses to skip a workout. (See her article “15 Reason to Work Out at Home”)

As a personal trainer, I think there’s nothing better than working one-on-one with someone. In reality, that’s just not doable for everyone. With The Fit Tutor you get demonstrations, modifications, and workouts designed by a trainer that are really effective! And you definitely don’t have to pay the price of a trainer. We also offer nutrition coaching, accountability, and your own personal cheering section, too.

Boot camps are awesome and fun, but they can be hard to stick with. They start and stop, so every few months you have to find that self-control, determination and a large amount of money upfront to decide to keep going. You usually don’t get the individualized instruction you need for a safe and effective workout, either. With The Fit Tutor, you still get community, effective workouts, and accountability, but it’s easier on your bank account and better for the longevity of your workout regime.

BPP: I’m sure that a lot of people are curious about how The Fit Tutor provides personal training services online. How do you stay connected to your clients?

AL: This is by far my favorite part of running The Fit Tutor. I reach out to all members by email when they sign up, and I continue our contact based on the client’s needs and wants via email or other social media. Some people prefer to be left alone, but most want more contact for encouragement, accountability, questions or nutrition coaching. My favorite is our Facebook accountability group. It’s a fun group of women of all levels and walks of life who encourage and check in with each other!

BPP: What are the hesitations or concerns that you hear most frequently from potential clients about signing up for an exercise program? How do you answer these concerns?

AL: Most people I talk with are concerned about failure – whether it’s not having enough time, not being able to do something, or doing but not succeeding. We offer workouts in as little as four minutes, so I encourage people that they DO have the time. I’ve worked with personal training clients in every condition, and I’ve tried to make the beginner exercises doable for people who have never worked, just had a baby, or might be arthritic, obese, etc..

My programs are effective, and doing them combined with our nutrition coaching, I think it would be hard to fail. They might not lose weight as fast as they’d like to, but I’m committed to helping each woman succeed.

You being healthy and energetic is such a gift to your family. It’s worth pushing through whatever fears you have to make this a priority.

BPP: Are your workouts appropriate for someone who has never exercised before? If so, how do you introduce them to exercise?

AL: Yes! I’ve designed each video to be helpful for someone who has never done strength training before. Each video shows an example along with demonstration, so there’s no question on how to perform each exercise. The best way to start for someone new to exercising is our Beginner Get Fit program. It starts you off slow and has a good combination of learning new exercises plus repeating others so you can see your progress.

BPP: What kind of equipment do your clients need to do the workouts in their own home?

AL: All you need is the Internet and a pair of dumbbells. A yoga mat is helpful, but not necessary. Every exercise is performed with either body weight or dumbbells.

Strength training is one of the most effective and efficient ways to lose weight, so our workouts focus on strength training (without getting bulky) and at-home cardio routines to help shed fat.

BPP: Many of your members are mothers. Can your workouts be done with babies or older children in the home? Do you incorporate stress-reducing exercises/suggestions (because you know we mothers can benefit!)

AL: Yes! Many moms have said they do workouts during nap time, or out in the yard during playtime, or even with their kids crawling all over them. I’ve sent moms workouts they can do using their kids as the weight, and have received awesome videos of kids doing exercises right alongside the parents. Teaching children that exercise and health matter is so important, and it’s healthy for them to see Mom making her health a priority. Strength training is a great stress reducer, and we also have yoga cool-downs to help for those who are extra stressed.

BPP: Does the Fit Tutor have tailored work-outs for expectant moms? How about couples?

AL: Expecting moms can usually do all of the beginner exercises, with the exception of core work. For now, I’m working one-on-one (via email) with expecting moms, putting together a few workouts and videos to help them with what they can and cannot do. I have a section for pregnancy workouts by trimester in the making, and I’m so excited to have this section finished!

Although there’s nothing specific to couples, every workout can be done with a friend. I love getting messages from members who say they did a Fit Tutor workout with their husband or boyfriend.

BPP: You have some really interesting nutrition, food and wellness-related articles on your blog. Are these topics that you incorporate into your personal training?

AL: Yes, because I believe the best results come from both nutrition and exercise. I currently offer nutrition coaching based on small, healthy changes that add up over the long run. I think that’s important for parents especially, because totally overhauling your diet can be overwhelming. I also believe it’s important to have a healthy body image and a healthy relationship with food, and I help clients deal with these issues as they arise.

BPP: Does the Fit Tutor have programs tailored for weight loss? Do they get advice from a dietician?

AL: We have several Get Fit Programs, with more in the making. Our current Get Fit Programs are 8 weeks long and are designed to gain strength and jump start your weight loss. These programs, coupled with the nutrition coaching, can be powerful in achieving your goals! The Fit Tutor focuses on making fitness and healthy eating a lifestyle, so we incorporate different types of workouts for any schedule, as well as accountability for those who need that type of help.

As of next month, I will be a certified nutrition coach and will start incorporating meal plans for an extra charge, but the nutrition coaching is included in the membership price.

BPP: If you have to give one piece of sanity-saving advice to a new mom, what would it be?

AL: I tell moms all the time to not stress about getting their bodies back. I believe your body is already incredible because it grew and birthed a human! I help moms focus on doing what they can with eating healthy and exercising during this crazy adjustment time in their lives. In time you can and will look great again, but making that a focus or setting unrealistic expectations can only cause more stress and negative emotions. Do what you can and breathe a sigh of relief.

Thank you Allison for sharing about your unique and accessible fitness service. One of the goals of this blog is to connect our readers and subscribers with resources that will make life easier, healthier and happier. You are definitely one of those amazing resources. – C&K ♥

Check out Allison’s info packed blog at: http://thefittutor.com/blog/

Learn more about her online fitness services and free trial: http://thefittutor.com/

Follow her on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/fittutor

Mommy Posture and Other Signs of Martyrdom :: Monday Musing

February 2, 2015 By: babyproofedparents5 Comments

“Did you know that bass means butt, Mom?” (insert Beavis-and-Butthead-style snickers)

And that is how the latest “out of the mouths of babes” conversation began with my 6-year-old son a few weeks ago.

He was referring to Meghan Trainor’s song, “All About That Bass”, the women’s empowerment anthem that is currently playing every hour, on the hour, on Top 40 radio.

I took a deep breath and explained to my son that, “No. Bass does not mean butt. The singer is trying to say that a woman with curves is just as beautiful as any other lady. She’s arguing that heavier women have a certain ‘boom, boom, boom’, just like a bass speaker in a stereo, that makes them special. They don’t have to try hard to be super skinny like the edited images we see on TV or in magazines.”

I went on to add, “Some people might say that your mom doesn’t have a lot ‘bass’ because I’m not very curvy.”

And here’s where the conversation took an unexpected turn.

“Ummm… Yes, you DO have curves, Mom.” And he proceeded to stand up, noticeably slump his shoulders and demonstrate a posture that looks similar to this:

Oh, snap.

He’s right. I do have curves, in my slumped shoulders and my thrusting hips. My “mommy posture” is as curvy as it comes. I laughed at his comment, but I also let out a big sigh.

It was in that moment that I realized two things:

#1: My kids are watching me. It may seem like they are fully consumed with the Girl Scout cookies they are munching on or the latest addictive game on their iPad. But out of the corners of their eyes, they are observing me. They are paying close attention to how I carry myself and how I care for myself.

#2: I’m not caring for myself as well as I could. My hands show the signs of too much dish washing and not enough moisturizing. The deepening lines on my forehead give proof of the continual frowning and grimacing going on in my house. I spend my days talking to clients and other moms about the importance of self-care and yet it’s clear that I could be doing a better job of taking care of myself.

As parents, we regularly teeter on the edge of martyrdom. We have to make sacrifices in order to care for our kids – it’s part of the unwritten contract that we willingly sign when we bring a baby into this world. We give up sleep, we give up spontaneity, we give up our weekends and our nice furniture. But as Cheryl so powerfully wrote in “My Children Come First”, we shouldn’t give up caring for ourselves. As important as it is to be available to our children and tuned in to their needs, it is also important to model healthy habits and emotional wellness.

So… now that my 6-year-old has unwittingly become my latest Life Coach, I’m making a commitment to do three things:

1. Straighten up my attitude: I know for a fact that my posture reflects how I am feeling, and on too many days, I feel like this:

But the truth is, I rock as a parent. And so do you. Instead of walking around feeling (and looking) like I am carrying the entire world on my shoulders, I am committed to holding my head up high and reminding myself that I got this thing! Here’s the attitude I want to meet each day with:

Hiya! Whatcha got for me day? Cuz I’m gonna tear you up!

2) Straighten up my schedule, and block off time for self-care. As a parent, it is so easy to let the errands, chores and children take precedence over carving out time for yourself. When I was a new mom, I would occasionally ask my husband for some extra time to take a bath in peace, go to a yoga class, or meet up with a girlfriend. Self-care needed to be squeezed in where I could fit it. Now that my kids are in school, I have more leeway. Taking out time to go to the gym each day or use that unused massage gift-certificate should be a no brainer. In order to care for my kids, I have to take care of myself. A permanent spot on my daily schedule should be devoted to that.

3) Straighten up my posture: To be fair, my posture has never been great. Years of holding babies and worries have only made it worse. I’m committed to working on it now. And I’m going to start with these exercises from the amazing Allison Lambert. Stay tuned for a future Wednesday Wisdom featuring her and her empowering at-home work-outs:

My challenge to myself, and all of you, is to make self-care a priority this year. It might look like giving yourself thirty minutes each day to dive into a great novel. Or sixty minutes to go take a Mommy and Me yoga class. Regardless of how you care for yourself, you will be making yourself a priority, and that is an important thing for your kids to see. Of course, there will be those days when your shoulders are slumped from exhaustion and you can’t wait to crawl into bed. But the other days of the week, you can focus on holding your head up high and walking around like this:

I want my kids to know I got this thing.

I’ll let you know if my 6-year-old, aka Coach Elliott, gives me his stamp of posture approval.

Here’s to Strength and Boxing Gloves,

Kirsten

No Take Backs – 15 Ways To Keep Your “No” In Place :: Tuesday Tip

December 16, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Can you identify with this scenario? You need to say no. After agonizing, practicing a speech beforehand, and finally saying no, you immediately feel crappily guilt-ridden and take it back, then wind up agreeing to do even more than you were initially asked to. The reasons for our difficulty in setting limits are complicated, often stemming from early childhood . Maybe your family was controlling and didn’t allow you to say no, or you had parenting examples of adults who overextended themselves. Adding a new life to your family can bring your “no” problems into stark view, as you’re preparing to set new limits for your growing family, and for your baby, who is obviously incapable of doing so for herself. Here are 15 ways to help you keep your “no” in firm place:

Preparation:

Remind yourself of why you personally struggle with setting limits (you’re a “pleaser”, you’re afraid of the “b-word”, etc). This will help you rise above the present issue you’re saying no to, helping you separate your strong emotional drivers from the 10 dozen cupcakes you’ve been asked to bake.
Write down your top three reasons for saying no. Keep the short list close to you for retrieval after you’ve had your conversation.
Write down three things you’ll have time for that you personally want or need to do, once you say no to this other thing. Keep this list close by too.
Notice your physical state as you prepare. Does the very thought make your breathing irregular and your pulse race? This is sign that you’re tapping into some old internal issues. Go back to #2.
Take a few moments before making the call, or sending the email or text to breathe deeply into your belly. Pull in as much fresh air as you can take, hold it for a couple of beats, then let it allllll out. Repeat 5 times minimum. Being physically grounded will help immensely.

Action:

If you’re saying no to someone who doesn’t respond well (is passive-aggressive, frowns, glares, yells, manipulates, etc), remind yourself of this truth, “It’s okay that I’m saying no to this person. I care about her, but her negative reactions to it are not my responsibility.”
Look down at your two lists. Touch them, smile at them, thank them for being there. If the conversation is in person, have them in your pocket and give them a little stealth pat.
Take a break. Very little in life is actually urgent enough to demand an immediate answer. If you start feeling flooded and tempted to take it all back, excuse yourself from the conversation, hit the restroom and repeat your five breaths.
Focus your attention on your two strong, pretty feet. Notice those firmly planted feet on the ground, imagining the guilty feelings and pressure you’re experiencing as wind swirling around you. It’s not strong enough to throw you off.
Guilt and shame rising up? Consider them growing pains. You’re strengthening a new muscle, and healthy growth is often best friends with soreness.

Post-Op:

Repeat your five breaths.
Immediately grab your lists of why you decided to say no, and what you’ve gained by having done so. Read them again and again.
If you feel tempted to take back your no, call a supportive friend or your partner instead, processing it and asking for some encouragement/reassurance that you did the right thing for yourself and/or your family.
Remind yourself of the reality you’d like to live, in which you could give of your time and resources from a place of generosity and love, instead of guilt and control.
Listen to this.

Here’s to Sanity and Little Stealth Pats,

Cheryl

My Children Come First :: Monday Musing

November 10, 2014 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

My memory holds a snapshot, rock-bottom moment from my daughter’s bout with colic. I was emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. I’d isolated myself, even pushing her father, J away. I felt I was the only one who could comfort her, even though I often couldn’t, because, well, she had colic. I stood there holding her, swaying as she howled, no breast-milk left, no known options left. Finally, I too began sobbing, thinking, “I’ve got nothing.” And it was true. I had reached an end. Facing this reality was in direct opposition to what I thought was THE reality, that as a mother I would possess an endless, cosmic supply of love and nurturing, and everything would be always be okay.

Most women are socialized to nurture, learning at a very early age to smile, be sweet, be “good girls,” and put the needs of others first even when said others are being a-holes. This naturally carries over into mothering, as we pressure ourselves to be boundless sources of comfort, milk and serenity. Many fathers and parenting partners also feel intense pressure to protect their growing families, and put aside personal needs to keep pace with the rapidly changing needs of both mother and baby. This pressure can overwhelm partners to the point of withdrawal and emotional shut-down.

Imagine a grocery store line. A well-groomed parent pushes a cart containing a sweet newborn asleep in her car seat, surrounded by organic food. If this parent says out loud, “My children come first,” most people will nod their heads in approval. Now imagine the same parent with spit-up all over her, holding a screaming newborn in one arm while pushing a cart containing an empty car seat and a maxi-pad-throwing toddler. This parent will likely feel too overwhelmed to say anything out loud, and will receive silent judgment from at least a few around her. That’s the rub. We feel pressure to have it all together, but to have even an illusion of control, we have to take care of ourselves.

Self-care. To many, this concept feels foreign and selfish, but let me be a voice, among the others I hope are around you, to argue vehemently for it. Give yourself permission to put your physical and emotional needs at least on the same page as your baby’s needs. You can and will run out of resources if you don’t also parent and take care of yourself. In the early days with a newborn, sometimes self-care is brushing your teeth, once, while the baby cries and cries. Sometimes it’s stepping outside your front door for one minute and taking in a big gulp of fresh air, once, while the baby cries and cries. Take any resulting feelings of guilt or selfishness as positive signs of the soreness accompanying your internal growth. Trust that the end result will be a more grounded version of you, capable of nurturing your baby and partner from a surplus of actual strength, instead of a pseudo-supply based on the obscene pressure we place on ourselves and receive from society.

My self-care story might repulse you, make you smile knowingly, or both. The night after I’d reached my limit, we decided to reclaim a moment of “normalcy.” Our daughter, inexplicably, occasionally relaxed when lying on her changing table in our bathroom. I sat on the lid of the toilet, with J facing me on a chair, knees squished together, plates of food on our laps. Baby girl was next to us, in her zen space, calmly staring at the ceiling and listening to us laugh at how disgustingly beautiful the moment was. Our first family dinner, and the beginning of my fight to factor myself in again.

BPP Sanity Savers:

Remember that self-care is the pre-requisite to your sustained ability to care for anyone else.
Notice and push through any guilty feelings that keep you from factoring in your personal needs. Talk to a therapist or other supportive parents if you feel stuck.
Talk with your parenting partner about ways you can generously support each other with your self-care efforts.

Here’s to Sanity and Self-Care,

Cheryl

The Acupuncturist :: Wednesday Wisdom

October 15, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Meet Jean Busch. Jean is the owner of Kingwood Acupuncture in Kingwood, Texas. Her acupuncture practice has been thriving for 16 years, because she’s so passionate about health and balance, and it shows. Jean worked as a nurse in the hospital setting (ICU/CCU, Medical/Surgery, OB/GYN and Neonatal ICU) for over 20 years before being introduced to Chinese Medicine. She describes her discovery of acupuncture as “life changing,” and has gone on to do amazing things for many, many people… myself included.

Every woman who’s struggled with infertility and then become pregnant has her theory about what made it happen. No two stories seem to be exactly alike. Part of what I personally believe got me pregnant was an acupuncture treatment with Jean. I was venting to her about my frustration, how I felt like I was doing everything I was “supposed” to, and it was getting rough to feel that high and then sinking disappointment month after month. She told me she believed that I was very healthy and fertile, but that my body might just need a “nudge” in the right direction. Jean’s treatment was incredible. I’d never had acupuncture before, and during the session, I felt completely relaxed and as though I was levitating. After, I felt like I’d had a 2 hour full body massage… so, obviously no harm there. Plus, I was pregnant within a month. – C

BPP: Your history is rooted in nursing. What drew you to study and practice acupuncture?
JL: Honestly, I was always disillusioned by western medicine. I was passionate about caring for people, but frustrated and confused about the methods used for chronic illnesses. Having acupuncture myself and for my family and seeing first hand the natural and almost miraculous benefits it provided, showed me that I could use my passion in a way that was totally natural and yet extremely powerful.

BPP: What are some ways acupuncture treatments can help women who are struggling with fertility?
JL: Fertility and all other OB/GYN issues are my favorite things to treat. It doesn’t matter if it’s for a13 year old with menstrual pain, a woman with menopausal imbalances, or someone having a problem getting pregnant, I can honestly say that acupuncture and Chinese medicine have never failed. Maybe it’s because being a woman myself, I know that we experience problems that are so easily treatable by alternative medicine like acupuncture.

BPP: What are some ways acupuncture treatments can help women during pregnancy and after birth?
JL: Chinese Medicine works because it views the human being in a totally different way than allopathic medicine. It sees us as a whole being, not separating mind, body, and spirit. That said, it can diagnose and treat issues based on that perspective. The body is simply assisted to return to a healthy balanced state, it “reminds” it of what it knows to do naturally and on its own. So, for pregnancy, birth and postpartum, acupuncture gently corrects the imbalance and allows the intelligence of our bodies to do what it already knows to do with ease.

BPP: What general health improvements do you find yourself recommending to women over and over?
JL: It probably is the most disappointing advice that I give all my clientele, and that is to eat really healthy foods. That sounds simple, however, our perspective of what constitutes “healthy” can be very different. The medicine of Chinese medicine IS our food, so to speak. Basically, we truly are what we eat. Also, as balanced a lifestyle as we can have. This is a challenge in our hectic lives! It’s a process, but forming habits like yoga, meditation, walking, or whatever we enjoy will help us feel better and better about ourselves.

BPP: What myths about acupuncture do you often find yourself dispelling?
JL: The most common “myth” about acupuncture, to me, is that it’s “just sticking a few needles in some random areas of the body.” Most people don’t realize that it is a Medicine in and of itself. The profession is highly regulated in most states. In Texas, it takes a Masters degree in Oriental Medicine, which takes four full years followed by a national board exam to be a licensed acupuncturist. It is a complex system of understanding the body in a totally different way that we do in western medicine.

BPP: What thoughts do you have on acupuncture for babies and children?
JL: I’ve treated children as young as four years old with acupuncture. It really depends on the child, most are more curious than frightened. We only use a small number of needles in children and use the tiniest little needles. On children younger than that we can use a technique with small silver or gold “pellets” on the acupuncture points. This is actually an extremely effective method and can be used on adults as well. Kids are GREAT! They are so fun, and because they can tell they feel so much better they will ask to come back for more treatments!

BPP: Your practice involves more than needles. What other techniques/treatments do you use for women?
JL: Acupuncture uses very fine needles to tap into the bio electrical energy, called “Qi”, of our bodies to remind it how to return to a balance state of health. That said, I use the needles as my main form of treatment. However, Chinese herbs, diet, and various supplements are an integral part of most acupuncturist regime along with the needles. I also stay with the client and do a form of “healing touch” called medical Qi Gong. This, I would say, is my specialty and believe that it is a powerful tool that eventuates the treatment greatly. Most acupuncturists will develop their own individual “spin” on their treatments as they see what works best for their patients over the years.

BPP: Many moms struggle to incorporate self-care, including acupuncture, massage and therapy treatments. What advice do you have for them?
JL: This is such an important question! How do we, as busy moms, fit in self care?? This is what I continue to learn myself and encourage other women to realize: “Taking care of ourselves is the number one priority!” Our families and the people around us will be healthier and appreciate us more for being happy, healthy and calm ourselves. It is not helpful when we are running around exhausted, frazzled and irritable because we are trying to do everything for everyone else but don’t take the time to take care of ourselves.

BPP: If you could give one sanity saving tip to new parents, what would it be?
JL: The above answer fits this question as well. I also, think that talking with others, sharing our experiences, fears and frustrations is extremely helpful. I am not a psychologist, but I allow my clients to express their feelings and listen with an open mind and heart, which is very therapeutic.
It may sound trite, but I believe that being in a space of an open heart and a loving, nonjudgmental spirit, is the key to finding peace within ourselves and others…allowing our children and others to just be who they are without trying to make them what we judge to be “right”. It will take a huge load off of our shoulders to grasp the concept that we are not the CEOs of the universe, it’s not our job to control our children or others. Our job is to gently care for the general well-being of them, honoring their individual uniqueness.

Thank you Jean, for sharing your beautiful philosophy on holistic health. Your compassion, openness and skills are such amazing gifts!

C&K ♥

Shooing Away Anxiety :: Tuesday Tip

October 7, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

The Internet is packed with articles teaching readers how to “tame the anxiety monster” or “slay the anxiety dragon”. I personally think of anxiety as an annoying honey bee that won’t leave you alone. It buzzes in your ear, it follows you around and just when you have something really sweet going on in your life, it wants to latch on to you. Bees come in swarms and so do worries. They tend to build on each other and multiply. Very rarely do honey bees actually sting. And very rarely do the things that you are feeling anxious about actually come to fruition. But just the threat of being stung is enough to make you feel edgy and nervous.

I see a lot of anxiety issues in my counseling practice. Expectant moms (and dads!) often worry about whether the pregnancy and birth will go smoothly, and then whether they will be a good parent. Here’s what I explain: When you are expecting or caring for a baby, it is somewhat natural to notice an increase in anxiety. Think about it… you and your partner are creating, and then raising, a little person. That is a BIG responsibility and it is normal to feel a little nervous about it. In some ways the added anxiety is your brain’s way of gearing up for all of the responsibilities of being a parent. Your hormones are on high alert, your sleep is most likely disturbed, and your fight or flight response is in full effect. All possible threats and worse case scenarios seem like very real possibilities. Mama Bear is wide awake and ready to swat any bees that get too close to her cubs. The trick is to keep the anxiety in check and drown out the buzzing so that you can remain calm and focused on the many tasks ahead of you:

Here are five ways to shoo away that buzzing bee of anxiety:

1. Bring yourself back to the here and now: If you take note of what you are feeling anxious about, it is usually in connection to events that haven’t occurred yet. Your imagination is doing a number on you by creating multiple “what if” scenarios. By bringing your focus back to what is happening in the present moment, you can often quiet the nervous chatter. One way to do this is by practicing mindfulness, a simple technique that helps you slow your breathing, take in all sensory data, notice your thoughts without judgement and then bring your attention back to the present. Want more info on mindfulness? Go to this link: helpguide.org.

2. Focus on what you can control: Most of us spend a lot of time fretting over things that are out of our control. It’s exhausting, because we literally can’t do anything about these situations. Letting go of the things you are powerless over and making a list of the things you are doing well or purposefully (which is typically a heck of a lot!) can help you to feel more empowered and less vulnerable.

3. Feel prepared: Information is power. I recommend that you go to the childbirth classes, read the parenting books, and soak in all of the info. The more prepared you feel, the more equipped you will be to deal with whatever comes your way. There’s one caveat: avoid the sections of the books or websites in which they list everything that can possibly go wrong. As I mentioned in the first tip, it is better to focus on what is happening now than to worry about what could be.

4. Take note of what works for you: There are times when individuals feel generalized anxiety, that they just can’t pin on any one thing. That is when self-care activities are especially handy. Not every technique works for every person. Experiment and find out what has the most soothing effect on you. Some options are:

deep breathing
exercise (walking or yoga are favorites)
writing
warm baths
massage
talking to a friend
laughing
prayer or meditation
practicing mindfulness
listening to a guided relaxation recording (I included a favorite below.)
natural anxiety-reducing supplements (which you should always clear with your health care provider)
and in some cases, good ol’ distraction

5. Know when to seek help: Extreme anxiety is nothing to laugh at. Sometimes it can grow to the point where you are having a hard time eating, sleeping or just plain functioning. You might even be having destructive or suicidal thoughts. Any of these conditions indicate that it is time to reach out for extra help and assistance. Talk to your doctor or find a qualified therapist who can help you to sort through your anxiety and determine the best course of action. You do not have to cope on your own!

Here’s the cool thing about being a parent. More often than not, you only face a few challenges at a time. First pregnancy, then the birth, then breastfeeding, then sleep. Somewhere down the line you deal with toddler tantrums. Later on, you have a defiant teenager. You get the picture, the challenges come slowly and gradually. Unlike a beekeeper who has to maintain her zen as she walks into a swarm of bees, a parent only has to deal with a few challenges or obstacles at a time. So shoo that anxiety bee away and tell it go make some honey. You have some parenting and self-care to attend to.

Here’s to Sanity and Beekeeping,

Kirsten

As promised, here is a link to the guided relaxation CD that I listened to approximately one million times when I was pregnant, and then maybe a couple more times when I was a new parent. It is so soothing and lovely, it practically put me to sleep every time. Side 1 is for expectant mamas who want to prepare for childbirth. Side 2 is for new parents who need some relaxation. Enjoy!

3 Ways to Get Your Post-Natal Snap Back :: Tuesday Tip

September 23, 2014 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

About 6 months into my daughter’s life, I still felt tired, fried and puffy-eyed, while she thrived, rosy-cheeked, done with colic and ready to explore. She was sleeping through the night, and most nights I was too. We had breast feeding down, most of my anxiety had subsided and I had returned to work part-time. Our little routine seemed iron-clad. So why did I still feel so crappy?

Once a week, my next-door-neighbor and I would hang out between our houses to share a brew after our babies were down for the night. Her youngest was 2, and she seemed to have it so together. I asked her when she got her snap back, and she laughed, responding, “Ummm, ‘snap’? I STILL don’t have it back!” This helped me more than she knew. She had normalized how long it seemed to be taking me to feel like myself again.

You WILL get yourself back, but it’s a gradual process. It’s like coming out of a depression. You don’t just wake up one morning and think, “Phew – glad that’s over! I’m so HAPPY now!” Recovery is a slow reclamation of small joys. You catch yourself singing along to the radio, savoring the smell from the taco truck of onions cooking, catching your image in the mirror and thinking, “Damn, girl!” Bit by bit, snap returns. As your little one begins to develop a sense of herself, you also REgain a sense of yourself.

Here are three practical ways to speed up the process:

Schedule a Girl’s Night Out. Choose a new restaurant or bar you’ve wanted to try, and get dressed UP. Go out, laugh, relax, and talk about non-parenting things. Be a woman and friend instead of a partner and mommy. A few hours of time with girlfriends, even if only once a month can make a huge difference. Dads/Parenting Partners – do this for yourselves too! You need time away to regroup and remind you of life beyond your baby.
Schedule a pampering treatment. Get a massage, pedicure or facial – something that relaxes you and helps you feel pretty. Treat yourself to a new outfit that fits and looks gorgeous NOW. There’s a road of fit between maternity and pre-pregnancy clothes. Don’t deprive yourself of new things while your body readjusts post-baby, especially if you’re planning on having more.
Take note of even the tiniest physical and emotional improvements you feel. Did you get a full night’s sleep, without waking up to check on your sleeping baby? Did you feel the energy to walk a little further with the stroller? Did you double over laughing at a story a friend shared with you? Did you find yourself in the mood for sex with your partner? Good job, Mama. Mark it.

Looking back, the first noticeable reemergence of “me” occurred around my babies reaching 4 months of age. My kids are now 3 and 5, and I still find myself recovering layers of strength and energy. Hang in there. The road back to yourself can take time, but it’s a beautiful one.

Here’s to Sanity and GNO,

Cheryl

Losing The Weight of Toxic Secrets :: Monday Musing

September 15, 2014 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

We’ve all got secrets, and the varieties are endless:

Things we carry for others.
Things we’ve done that we wish we could undo.
Things we’re doing we wish we could stop.
Things others have done to us.

Our motivations for keeping secrets vary too:

Risk to ourselves: career loss, relationship loss, reputation damage.
More risk to ourselves: we’ve been physically or emotionally blackmailed into hiding the truth.
Risk to others: knowing the truth would hurt them emotionally or physically.
More risk to others: the truth would damage their reputations, relationships or status in their families.

Before having my babies, I once carried a secret for 2 years. I was certain if I revealed what I’d done, it would damage every aspect of my life. In the name of protecting myself and people I cared deeply about, I swallowed it and convinced myself I’d never tell. The sensations I experienced physically and emotionally are as empathically close as I’ve come to what cancer might feel like. It was devouring me. I started having dizzy spells, the worst of which made me miss the toilet and land on my ass in a public restroom – quite the reflection of my mental and emotional state. I had backed myself into a corner – to tell felt supremely scary and selfish, but to not tell was putting me in peril. In his book Family Secrets, John Bradshaw writes, “…there is a risk in disclosing [secrets]. But to do nothing is also to take a risk.”

All secrets are baggage. Some aren’t that heavy. We carry them like fanny packs (so stylish!), and they don’t seem to get in the way. Others flux – sometimes they feel light, but sometimes, when we really think about them, they weigh a Samsonite ton. The worst are the kind that wake you up at night, sit like a cinder block on your chest, cut off your air supply and separate you from people and things you love.

Nesting is a huge part of preparing for a new baby. Expectant parents clean, paint, purge and purchase in an effort to make their physical spaces perfect. But what about emotional preparation? Looking back, I can’t fathom how I would have survived the first years of my kids’ lives if I’d also been trying to hide. You are about to turn your body and your life inside out, and the less baggage you carry on the way in, the more agile you’ll be. Scan yourself for things you’ve buried too long. If you don’t have a close friend or family member to trust, a good therapist can be your vault, carrying the burden alongside you while you figure out what to do with it. The relief that comes with telling can render you stronger than you could have imagined.

Here’s To Sanity and Freedom,

Cheryl

On Prenatal Pregnancy Massage :: Wednesday Wisdom

May 28, 2014 By: babyproofedparents3 Comments

Luna Wood

Meet Luna Wood. Luna is a Nationally Licensed Massage Therapist and Birth Journey Facilitator with over 20 years of experience. She trained through DONA (Doulas of North America) and ALACE (Association of Labor Assistants & Childbirth Educators), and is currently a Certified Massage Doula graduating from the advanced six month Massage Doula program at the Star Institute. She has taught various programs at the Star Institute & Austin School of Massage and has 13 years of experience as an instructor specializing in pregnancy and childbirth. She currently has a thriving practice at South Congress Massage. If I’d known Luna during my pregnancies, you couldn’t have pried me off her massage table. She is a gifted, genuine, vibrant woman, and we are honored to feature her wisdom!

BPP: You were a doula for years, and then transitioned to massage therapy. What drew you to changing your career direction?

LW: I LOVE attending births and I still attend 1-2 a year, however, it has become a challenge to be on call around the clock. My son is 13, and he is involved in many extra-curricular activities. I also love to travel, and when you attend births you are unable to do so. As a busy parent, I find massage easier to schedule, and my day is over earlier, so I can have quality family time. I also find massage to be relaxing for me as a practitioner. Every session is a meditation for me. I get to focus on that person and be completely in the moment. When I’m on vacation I miss the ritual of my massage practice. It’s a wonderful way to pace my day and really connect with people in a healing space.

BPP: Describe what a pregnant mom would experience in a prenatal massage.

LW: Prenatal massage is so relaxing for mama and baby. I treat it as two people who want to be in harmony together. Massaging pregnant women is my favorite because moms are so open to education and feedback, and sometimes just need a listening ear. I feel privileged to work with pregnant women. Prenatal massage is so important for the mother’s circulatory system, adrenals, hormones and joints, but equally as important for emotional and spiritual connection. It’s my goal to help the pregnant mama and baby leave my studio feeling fully nurtured and supported mentally, physically and spiritually.

BPP: What do you focus on when providing massage to a brand new mom?

LW: Many times new moms need education and information. Most of the time, I find they need an open ear to LISTEN. First time mothers are saturated with information from the internet. Information overload is not helpful. Many times we just need to process the journey of pregnancy and parenting. I ask my clients to read books with interesting pregnancy stories or ask them to do artwork, or go hang out in nature. The brain needs a break so we can be fully present with our growing babies.

BPP: As a parent, how have you personally worked to obtain good work and personal life balance?

LW: I receive massages or another form of bodywork at least once a week. When I was pregnant with my son 13 years ago I was attending births and practicing massage. I was forced to slow down when my blood pressure rose from doing too much. I learned a valuable lesson about self care. Being pregnant made me more aware of the foods I was eating, and helped me make sure I rested well. I also practiced prenatal yoga and swam at Deep Eddy Pool everyday. When my son was born, I made an agreement with myself that I would not go longer than a month without receiving massage or other types of bodywork, and I’ve stuck to it. Massage is not a form of pampering. It is preventative care.

BPP: What benefits could dads/parenting partners get from massage?

LW: I always remind dads and partners that they are pregnant too! Just because they are not physically carrying the baby, they ARE carrying the baby energetically and emotionally. Fathers/partners feel lots of financial and emotional pressures when their partner is expecting. They nest and prepare just like their partner. It is important that they receive self care as well. They don’t want to work and burn out before the baby even gets here. They need to show up to childbirth and baby care classes, not to mention the birth, with a full tank. Partners need to model self care, because they will be going through sleep deprivation, fastening car seats and changing diapers soon enough. Self care should be a good habit that gets started from the beginning of the pregnancy, because once the first child is born, time is such a luxury! If you make your appointments for massage, take your hot baths, or go for a run regularly it will be easier to keep your good habits once the baby is here.

BPP: What is your favorite part of working with expectant moms?

LW: I love that moms do their homework. What does this mean? If you ask them to do a breath work technique, drink lots of water, practice some pelvic rocks, sit on the exercise ball, work with visualization, and get massage and bodywork, they actually do it! They are wonderful clients because they are not only looking out for their best interest but alsol the interest of the baby. I also love working with babies. It’s like doing infant massage before they are even born. I turn the mom on her left side, then her right, and by the time I get to the belly the baby is usually all nestled in and relaxed. Sometimes if I’m lucky, I will feel a little kick or nudge of enjoyment. This gives me great joy to share such a beautiful experience with this new soul. I’m not thinking about my grocery list or what I did yesterday. I’m RIGHT THERE IN THAT MOMENT! There is nothing else quite like that moment with that little one and her mama.

BPP: In your experience, what mental/emotional blocks do expectant moms have to self-care (such as regular massage therapy), and what is your response to those blocks?

LW: What I find most about moms is that they feel guilty for taking time or money for self care (massage, acupuncture, yoga class, nutritional support). I often hear that massage is a luxury, and I often reply, ” No, it’s preventative medicine and it would be wonderful if our health care paid for it!” In our culture it’s ok to spend money on a new haircut, highlights or a pedicure, but not on our body and health.

Time also becomes a luxury in a growing family. We can not be sane parents without some time for ourselves. It is imperative that we create this in our lives. Even as a single parent, I made time to have self care while my son’s godmother was at my home or when he was in preschool. As moms we have to put ourselves first because no one else is going to.

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?

LW: Take naps, get massages, do yoga (even if it’s only 5 min on the floor) and take some time to meditate. I have made a point to take at least five minutes of meditation before I get out of bed in the morning and jump into my day. Good habits will take you a long way and keep you sane.

Thank you, Luna, for your hands-on support and nurturing for babies and moms. We appreciate your loving work, and your firm stance on massage being a preventative health benefit, not a luxury. That’s how we feel about all forms of self-care!

C & K ♥

Take A Breather :: Tuesday Tip

May 20, 2014 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

Cheryl and I perfected the art of “leaning in” long before Sheryl Sanberg coined the phrase. With newborns on our laps, we would lean in real close and pick the brain of any experienced parent we could find, in order to get pointers and advice on how to raise these crying little creatures. Our friend, Mandy, was, and continues to be, a favorite lean-to source for parenting tips and wisdom. (Yes, the same Mandy behind our yummy meatball recipe and the same Mandy whom we will probably refer to 100 times over in this blog.) She was the first in our group of friends to have a baby. But more importantly, she is from Oklahoma… and people from Oklahoma just seem to radiate this rock solid, old-soul kind of vibe. It’s like they have compost running through their veins and wide-open plains occupying their uncluttered minds.

An Oklahoman mom with compost in her veins.

One afternoon while I was soaking up some of Mandy’s earthy wisdom, she began telling me stories about her Grandma Pat who raised five boys and one girl in a small Oklahoma town. “I was visiting with Grandma Pat one day,” Mandy shared, “And I said to her, ‘Grandma… you had six babies by the age of 30. I only have one and my head is spinning! How in the world did you manage?!’”

At this point in the conversation, I leaned in so far, I almost fell over into Mandy’s lap. I just knew that I was about to be on the receiving end of some amazing Oklahoma-bred parenting wisdom. If there had been a legal pad in my diaper bag, I probably would have whipped it out and started jotting down notes. But instead I just leaned forward and listened intently.

Mandy continued with her story, “My grandma replied, ‘Mandy…all these years folks have given me a hard time about my smoking…but I can tell you this…people sometimes lose it with their kids…but I never harmed a one of them.’”

Oh…

Grandma Pat smoked.

Mandy went on to explain that books were also a great escape for her grandma, and that she could still picture her sitting at the kitchen bar, sipping iced tea, absorbed in a great novel. But at this point in the conversation, I was stuck on the cigarette thing. And for the next five minutes, I strongly considered taking up smoking.

After coming to my senses, I realized that it wasn’t the cigarettes that saved Mandy’s grandma from parenting overload. (In fact, Mandy explained to me that smoking seriously harmed her grandma’s health in the end.) It was Grandma Pat’s ability to take breaks and breathers that helped her to raise those six kids. And she encouraged Mandy to do the same.

Breathers are essential for new and experienced parents alike. Grandma Pat got that one right. Regardless of how much you adore your little one, and regardless of how old that little one is, you will find the need for sanity breaks. These breathers look different for every one. One of my friends said that she would grab a magazine, announce that she needed to use the restroom, and maybe take a little more time than needed. Another friend would uncharacteristically volunteer to fill the car up with gas or walk the dog, anything to get out for a few minutes. When my own kids were ready to run errands with dad, my favorite breather involved sending my family out for a short adventure. I was left with a quiet house in which I could wash dishes and clear clutter in complete peace. Ahhh… heaven.

As your kids migrate through the toddler, preschooler and elementary stages, you will find that the need for breathers does not go away. And at times, you may find that it is impossible to get away. Here are some ideas for finding peace in those crazy-making moments:

5-5-5 Breathing: Inhale for five seconds, hold in your breath for five seconds, and then exhale for five seconds. Do this five times in a row. This exercise naturally slows your breathing, quiets your mind and calms the natural fight-or-flight reflex that accompanies stress. And you can do this anywhere, any time.
Trip to Tahiti: A holistic pharmacist that we know, Beth Shirley (or The Best Shirley, as we affectionately call her) taught us this trick. Lay on your back with your calves up on the couch for 15 minutes. Listen to relaxing music or just breathe. Inverting your body and letting the blood rush to your head will have a relaxing effect and give you a boost to continue your day.
Recorded Relaxation: Download a free 10 min guided relaxation or a brief yoga class. Even if you can’t sneak away to the gym or yoga studio, you can bring the mellowing benefits into your home, often for a very low price.

Find a breather that works for you, and don’t feel guilty about it. My friends and I are known to treat ourselves to a glass (or two) of wine and a long gab session. Other times we may briefly lose ourselves in a book and a cup of coffee. Whether you have six kids like Grandma Pat or one six-week-old baby, it is important to give yourself these tiny mental retreats. You can mark that down as Oklahoma parenting wisdom at its finest.

Here’s to sanity and compost,

Kirsten