doula | baby proofed parents

Four Births :: Monday Musing

January 19, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

This week’s Muse features a guest writer and friend, Phyllis Brasenell. Phyllis is a DONA certified birth doula (check out her amazing Wednesday Wisdom piece on being a doula) and the owner of AustinBorn, a center for expecting and new parents. She currently serves as President of the Central Texas Doula Association. Baby Proofed Parents and Austin Born just formed a beautiful new partnership, and we’re so proud to promote their awesome services in the Austin birth community. Stay tuned for some amazing Baby Proofed/Austin Born workshops and collaborations coming up in the very near future, and thank you, Phyllis, for sharing your insightful writing with us!

Four Births

I still remember the very first birth I supported as a doula. It was my client’s fifth baby; we had a wonderful midwife attending, no interventions involved and we all made it home in time for dinner on that Friday afternoon. Pretty unheard of in the unpredictable world of birth, so I counted myself very lucky.

In the past couple years since that day, I’ve supported many dozens of births and very few of them as straightforward as that first. In my work, I’ve been invited into a woman’s life at one of her most intimate and vulnerable moments because the truth is that becoming a mother is a transformative evolution whether it’s a first baby or a fifth.

It’s a rebirth. Everything is new again. Who are you as mother? How will this role be different than all the others in your life? Seeing a baby take its first breath still leaves me in awe but watching a mother be born is just as powerful. Even if it’s not your first baby you now have a completely new family. At every birth I support, I’m constantly reminded that I’m witnessing four births: the birth of a baby, the birth of a mother, the birth of a father, and the birth of a family.

These births are going to change you and that can feel overwhelming and even scary but I encourage expecting parents to dive in. Look within and listen: What matters to you? What excites you about this new baby and what’s keeping you up at night? There are no wrong answers, friend.

Here’s to Growth and Happiness,

Phyllis Brasenell

The Birth Guy :: Wednesday Wisdom

October 1, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Update 10/2015: Since we interviewed Brian one year ago, a lot of amazing things have been happening for him. He and a team of other dads launched the Rocking Dads Podcast. He went live on Periscope and hasn’t stopped sharing his enthusiasm with the world. And he recently signed contracts in LA with an agent and a producer to launch his own reality show. Look out for The Birth Guy. He’s coming to a screen near you!

Meet Brian Salmon, aka The Birth Guy. Brian is San Antonio’s only actively practicing male doula (or “Dude-La” as he likes to call himself, being a surfer from California). The Birth Guy knew he’d found his calling in birth education and support when he assisted his first birth at 19 years old. Witnessing his daughters, Eva (9) and Daisy (5) both be born by emergency Cesarian delivery reinforced his desire to help parents prepare for childbirth, regardless of how the birth unfolds. Brian is a Certified Lactation Counselor and owns BabyVision Ultrasound, San Antonio’s leader in prenatal imaging. Having worked with over 19,000 expectant families, Brian has taught many childbirth classes and currently facilitates the ever popular Rocking Dads and Facilitating Fearless Birth workshops. Brian has been featured on NBC, FOX, ABC, Univision and the blog, OurMilkyWay.org. And just last week, he began filming a pilot for the new Birth Guy TV Show! We are so excited to feature The Birth Guy on the BPP blog, because his passion for helping new parents is truly one of a kind.

BPP: It is highly unusual to meet a male doula or lactation counselor. How did you find yourself on this career path?

TBG: I sort of fell into it. I was asked to coach a very special birth at the age of 19 while studying pre-med and I loved it. Over the last four years, I have expanded my services and outreach because of the need I’ve seen not only in my community, but in the United States…well, really globally. I saw many birth professionals instill fear in the expectant parents they were working with. I felt like I needed to get out there and make a difference when I realized that too many moms walk away upset and wounded from births.

BPP: You facilitate the wildly popular and very unique Rocking Dads workshops. Your classes are always jam packed. What kind of experience do expectant fathers take away from your workshops?

TBG: I’m going to let the dads speak for me. Here are a few bits of feedback from a book of evaluations I keep:

Brian was awesome. Funny, informative and reassuring. The man definitely knows what he is talking about!
The information about the birth plan was helpful – a lot of great advice about what to do and what not to do.
Brian was excellent – tons of great info in three hours. I feel much better and more prepared. He was understanding and non-judgmental.
All of the advice about breastfeeding and childbirth was great – this workshop could be twice as long.
Brian is no BS – he talks about things at everyone’s level.

Graduates of a Rocking Dads Class

BPP: What are the most common concerns or issues you see with expectant or new dads?

TBG: Most dads need to realize that birth is what mom was designed for, so when she is screaming, moaning, growling, hitting, crying and everything else that happens in labor, he just needs to support and hold space. Dads sometimes feel pushed aside in the process. I teach them to not just be present, but that they have responsibility to be the other half of the parenting team. We cover so much in the class from understanding pregnancy, stages of labor, interventions, breastfeeding, team building, creating a birth plan and millions of other things that go along with the ride.

BPP: You have mastered the skills of lactation educator and counselor/consultant. How do you partner with couples to prepare them for the job of breastfeeding?

TBG: Education, education, education! Some breastfeeding classes are taught, not for success, but by people who want you to hire them when you have problems. I prefer to prepare moms in such a way that they rarely need more than a follow-up phone call after baby arrives. I train the partner to look for common signs of an improper latch, but most of all I encourage them to support and love on mom so that she is calm. It is important for her to take some time to get relaxed with baby. I also train couples to recognize early feeding cues so they have time to latch before the baby freaks out and is screaming for food (which isn’t good for anyone).

BPP: As a birth doula, how do you interact with couples in the delivery room? Do you attend both hospital and home births?

TBG: I go wherever I am needed – different families require different things. Regardless of the birth setting, I make sure that my clients are prepared and that we act as a cohesive unit. When I take on a client, I partner with them on everything: ultrasounds, education, birth visualizations, breastfeeding training and a visit to the hospital or birth center. I love home births as well, but that is a whole other type of doula-ing!

BPP: Do people ever question your ability to advise on breast-feeding or childbirth since you are a man?

TBG: I have definitely experienced healthy doses of reverse discrimination. The only people who ever question my expertise are people who don’t know me or view me as competition (personally, I don’t view other birth professionals as competitors, because there are plenty of expectant couples to help, and that should be our focus!). When an individual gets to know me or takes one of my classes, they get it. There is a reason that multiple lactation consultants support me in teaching free breastfeeding classes every month in San Antonio – I know my stuff!

BPP: Anyone who interacts with you or your website can see that you clearly LOVE your job. You radiate enthusiasm and positivity! What are things you enjoy the most about it?

TBG: I do not feel like I work a day in my life! My favorite moments are when I see a couple embrace with a new kind of intimacy that just radiates love and compassion. I am so excited for all the expectant parents I work with, and even more excited when I know they have really worked hard, together, to achieve the the birth they want. I love when I hear a birth story that may not have been what the couple wanted, but because they were prepared mentally and emotionally, the new outcome does not take away from the joy of a baby and a brand new family dynamic. I love seeing parents really get breastfeeding and work through the speed bumps. And of course, seeing babies be born is a favorite!

BPP: You are a father to two young girls. How does being a dad impact your business and career path?

TBG: It’s more like, how doesn’t it? My girls are phenomenal. They both totally get what I do for work. I often see my clients in public, and they call me “The Birth Guy”. My oldest says that’s the real reason I’m popular, and she may be right! I have learned so much from them both, which translates into a different understanding and perspective in my career. Eva, my oldest, was not at all the pregnancy, birth, or breastfeeding experience I thought she would be. She was exactly the opposite. That paved the way for me to change and redirect my approach/understanding. I learned a new type of compassion which drove me to really teach people what the “dark corners” can be, giving them a metaphorical flashlight. Daisy, my second, was born sick too. We were more prepared, but the journey was different. We were divorcing during the pregnancy, which was horrible. I felt abandoned, while waiting for a baby to arrive, knowing that I would only see both of my kids 1/2 time. It really taught me about strength (and about poor decision-making), and it ultimately shaped me into a much better father, friend and Birth Guy!

BPP: If you had to give one (and we know you have ten million) sanity-saving pointers to expectant or new parents, what would it be?

TBG: Go get educated in birth and breastfeeding, and nurture your relationship, as this will give your baby the best environment. Be careful to not choose mentors who are negative and teach with a fear-based style!

We’ve met a lot of amazing folks in the baby industry, and Brian is one of the true gems. Check out his social media channels and YouTube videos, especially if you are in need of a smile. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us, Brian! C & K ♥

Want more?

Go to The Birth Guy’s website for classes schedules, doula services and great videos: http://thebirthguy.com/

Like Brian on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/brianthebirthguy

Follow @BirthGuy on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/BirthGuy

Find his videos on YouTube…. more to come: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvfvVfZQc06tpHjXWekt9OA

One last thing – here is an ad that The Birth Guy created to advocate for breastfeeding, wherever a mom needs to, even if it is public:

The Role of A Doula :: Wednesday Wisdom

July 9, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Meet Phyllis Brasenell. Phyllis is co-owner of AustinBorn, a boutique doula collective meeting the needs of parents from pregnancy to birth to early parenting. Phyllis is a DONA-certified birth doula and DONA-trained postpartum doula, with diverse experience including multiples, single parents, surrogacy, VBAC, home birth, and still birth. She currently serves as the Vice President of the Central Texas Doula Association. Phyllis is passionate about supporting women and their families. Before becoming a doula, she worked with pregnant teens and teen moms to complete their education and gain independence. As a volunteer with the UN World Food Program in Ghana, she supported the well-being of breastfeeding women and children. I have loved interviewing women like Phyllis for our BPP Wisdom treasure chest – but there’s one downside. I repeatedly think, “I wish I had known you when I was pregnant!” We are excited to highlight her compassionate perspective as a doula, and hope it encourages pregnant moms to seriously consider enlisting this beautiful form of support.

BPP: Please describe the role a doula plays during a woman’s pregnancy and the baby’s birth.
PB: We compliment the care of a doctor, midwife, or nurse by providing non-medical care for the mother and her partner with continuous informational, physical, and emotional support before, during, and after birth. I like to think of us as a knowledgeable guide helping mothers achieve a positive birth experience, as they define it.

BPP: What drew you to becoming a doula?
PB: My background is in social work and education with girls and women (with a brief stint in the corporate world for good measure). I became a doula because I saw my friends starting their families and feeling unsure and afraid of the process. I loved the idea of helping women to feel more confident in pregnancy, birth and parenting while also bringing their partners more actively into the process.

BPP: What are some specific ways doulas advocate for laboring moms in the hospital setting?
PB: We don’t speak on behalf of mothers or their partners because we encourage them to find their own voice. We create the opportunity for mothers to advocate for themselves by making sure they’re receiving and understanding information. So for instance, in the hospital setting if an intervention is proposed I’ll remind mom to ask “BRAIN” – Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, what does my Intuition say, and what happens if we say No?

BPP:What advice do you have for fathers/parenting partners on how to best support a laboring mom?
PB: The first is to look after yourself! This seems counterintuitive but you need to care for yourself so that you can fully care for a laboring mom. Make sure you’re eating, hydrating, resting, and using the bathroom. My second piece of advice is to be present. There’s no magic trick for supporting a woman in labor because only she can birth the baby. But feeling loved and held by her partner does wonders for her emotional state and the physical production of helpful hormones. Now’s not the time to be on your smart phone or tablet. And if in labor a partner forgets everything they learned in childbirth education class, just repeat “I love you. You’re strong. You’re doing it.”

BPP:You’ve talked about how many people see doulas as a “luxury item.” How do you counter that belief?
PB: The evidence for continuous labor support is there– births with doulas have lower rates of intervention (including c-section) and higher rates of satisfaction. We’re also endorsed by ACOG as one of the most effective ways to improve labor and delivery outcomes. But we’re rarely covered by insurance which means the care of a professional doula is an out-of-pocket cost. I encourage parents to think of having a doula as an investment– all the products and stuff we buy for new baby will fall by the wayside but a mother and her partner will remember the day their child was born forever.

BPP: What parts of the birth process/caring for a newborn do you find moms are often unprepared for?
PB: No one is better prepared than a pregnant woman! She’s reading stacks of books, taking classes, and going into the hospital or birth center with multiple bags packed. But we don’t do a lot of the emotional work needed for the birth process, especially breaking through fear and anxiety. Along those same lines, not many moms are prepared for a departure from their birth plan. They’ll have a very particular idea of how they want it to go and it can be very jarring when there’s a change. I try to emphasize that it’s best to prepare ahead of time while also knowing that we can’t go into labor/birth with the chapters pre-written– birth is a story that unfolds as you go.

Caring for a newborn also throws emotional curve balls. Many moms hear one of two stories: the blissed-out new mama where everything with baby is peaceful and easy or the struggling new mama who is sleep deprived and weepy. Not many moms are prepared for the fact that there’s room for both. We don’t like conflicting emotions but it really is normal to feel totally in love with your new baby and also missing your old life. That’s okay. You can love motherhood and sometimes kind of hate it at the same time and still be an amazing parent.

BPP: What are your favorite and most challenging parts of being a doula?
PB: My favorite part is getting to know so many diverse families from different walks of life, and I’m still in complete awe at every birth I support. It’s funny because at once it’s an ordinary process (truth time: it’s a bodily function!) but also absolutely remarkable and trans-formative. I love seeing partners look at each other after their baby is born and say, “We did it!” But the challenging part of being present at such an intimate and intense time is that it can be emotionally and physically draining. We put a lot of love and energy into the families we work with and it usually takes a couple days to recuperate from a birth. The hours and unpredictability are also tough, but now I have two partner doulas and a call schedule which helps, because we know we won’t be away from our own families for more than 24 hours at a time.

BPP: What are some misperceptions about doulas you’d like to correct?
PB: There are three biggies:

That we’ll be at odds with your doctor/midwife/nurse or try to persuade you in medical decision making. Really, we consider ourselves a member of your “birth team”, and it’s in everyone’s best interest if we communicate/work well with your other providers. And sure, we’ll be a sounding board as you process information, but we trust you to make your own choices.
That we will push an agenda. Do we believe birth is a normal and safe process? Absolutely. Do we think breastfeeding is great for mom and baby? You betcha. But above all else we are pro-mother and we respect how she chooses to give birth and parent.
That we’ll replace the partner, but our goal is actually the opposite! Prenatally, we talk a lot about the role the partner would like to have at the labor/birth and how we can facilitate that. It looks different for everyone, but it often means reminding the partner of labor comfort measures, reassuring them that everyone is doing well, or “spelling” them so they can grab a sandwich or shower without leaving mom to labor alone.

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?
PB: In the first couple months postpartum, meal calendars are a must and I swear by a chore list for visiting guests (I find that friends and family really want to help but aren’t always sure how).
Also, put down the books! Okay, okay, don’t put down all the books, but what I mean is this: do educate yourself so you have a good baseline of information going into parenting. But also know that no one and no book will know your new baby like you do. Learn your baby.

Thank you Phyllis, for sharing your wisdom! You and your team are an amazing resource for expectant parents everywhere.

C & K ♥

Featured Photo Copyright: macsim / 123RF Stock Photo

On Prenatal Pregnancy Massage :: Wednesday Wisdom

May 28, 2014 By: babyproofedparents3 Comments

Luna Wood

Meet Luna Wood. Luna is a Nationally Licensed Massage Therapist and Birth Journey Facilitator with over 20 years of experience. She trained through DONA (Doulas of North America) and ALACE (Association of Labor Assistants & Childbirth Educators), and is currently a Certified Massage Doula graduating from the advanced six month Massage Doula program at the Star Institute. She has taught various programs at the Star Institute & Austin School of Massage and has 13 years of experience as an instructor specializing in pregnancy and childbirth. She currently has a thriving practice at South Congress Massage. If I’d known Luna during my pregnancies, you couldn’t have pried me off her massage table. She is a gifted, genuine, vibrant woman, and we are honored to feature her wisdom!

BPP: You were a doula for years, and then transitioned to massage therapy. What drew you to changing your career direction?

LW: I LOVE attending births and I still attend 1-2 a year, however, it has become a challenge to be on call around the clock. My son is 13, and he is involved in many extra-curricular activities. I also love to travel, and when you attend births you are unable to do so. As a busy parent, I find massage easier to schedule, and my day is over earlier, so I can have quality family time. I also find massage to be relaxing for me as a practitioner. Every session is a meditation for me. I get to focus on that person and be completely in the moment. When I’m on vacation I miss the ritual of my massage practice. It’s a wonderful way to pace my day and really connect with people in a healing space.

BPP: Describe what a pregnant mom would experience in a prenatal massage.

LW: Prenatal massage is so relaxing for mama and baby. I treat it as two people who want to be in harmony together. Massaging pregnant women is my favorite because moms are so open to education and feedback, and sometimes just need a listening ear. I feel privileged to work with pregnant women. Prenatal massage is so important for the mother’s circulatory system, adrenals, hormones and joints, but equally as important for emotional and spiritual connection. It’s my goal to help the pregnant mama and baby leave my studio feeling fully nurtured and supported mentally, physically and spiritually.

BPP: What do you focus on when providing massage to a brand new mom?

LW: Many times new moms need education and information. Most of the time, I find they need an open ear to LISTEN. First time mothers are saturated with information from the internet. Information overload is not helpful. Many times we just need to process the journey of pregnancy and parenting. I ask my clients to read books with interesting pregnancy stories or ask them to do artwork, or go hang out in nature. The brain needs a break so we can be fully present with our growing babies.

BPP: As a parent, how have you personally worked to obtain good work and personal life balance?

LW: I receive massages or another form of bodywork at least once a week. When I was pregnant with my son 13 years ago I was attending births and practicing massage. I was forced to slow down when my blood pressure rose from doing too much. I learned a valuable lesson about self care. Being pregnant made me more aware of the foods I was eating, and helped me make sure I rested well. I also practiced prenatal yoga and swam at Deep Eddy Pool everyday. When my son was born, I made an agreement with myself that I would not go longer than a month without receiving massage or other types of bodywork, and I’ve stuck to it. Massage is not a form of pampering. It is preventative care.

BPP: What benefits could dads/parenting partners get from massage?

LW: I always remind dads and partners that they are pregnant too! Just because they are not physically carrying the baby, they ARE carrying the baby energetically and emotionally. Fathers/partners feel lots of financial and emotional pressures when their partner is expecting. They nest and prepare just like their partner. It is important that they receive self care as well. They don’t want to work and burn out before the baby even gets here. They need to show up to childbirth and baby care classes, not to mention the birth, with a full tank. Partners need to model self care, because they will be going through sleep deprivation, fastening car seats and changing diapers soon enough. Self care should be a good habit that gets started from the beginning of the pregnancy, because once the first child is born, time is such a luxury! If you make your appointments for massage, take your hot baths, or go for a run regularly it will be easier to keep your good habits once the baby is here.

BPP: What is your favorite part of working with expectant moms?

LW: I love that moms do their homework. What does this mean? If you ask them to do a breath work technique, drink lots of water, practice some pelvic rocks, sit on the exercise ball, work with visualization, and get massage and bodywork, they actually do it! They are wonderful clients because they are not only looking out for their best interest but alsol the interest of the baby. I also love working with babies. It’s like doing infant massage before they are even born. I turn the mom on her left side, then her right, and by the time I get to the belly the baby is usually all nestled in and relaxed. Sometimes if I’m lucky, I will feel a little kick or nudge of enjoyment. This gives me great joy to share such a beautiful experience with this new soul. I’m not thinking about my grocery list or what I did yesterday. I’m RIGHT THERE IN THAT MOMENT! There is nothing else quite like that moment with that little one and her mama.

BPP: In your experience, what mental/emotional blocks do expectant moms have to self-care (such as regular massage therapy), and what is your response to those blocks?

LW: What I find most about moms is that they feel guilty for taking time or money for self care (massage, acupuncture, yoga class, nutritional support). I often hear that massage is a luxury, and I often reply, ” No, it’s preventative medicine and it would be wonderful if our health care paid for it!” In our culture it’s ok to spend money on a new haircut, highlights or a pedicure, but not on our body and health.

Time also becomes a luxury in a growing family. We can not be sane parents without some time for ourselves. It is imperative that we create this in our lives. Even as a single parent, I made time to have self care while my son’s godmother was at my home or when he was in preschool. As moms we have to put ourselves first because no one else is going to.

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?

LW: Take naps, get massages, do yoga (even if it’s only 5 min on the floor) and take some time to meditate. I have made a point to take at least five minutes of meditation before I get out of bed in the morning and jump into my day. Good habits will take you a long way and keep you sane.

Thank you, Luna, for your hands-on support and nurturing for babies and moms. We appreciate your loving work, and your firm stance on massage being a preventative health benefit, not a luxury. That’s how we feel about all forms of self-care!

C & K ♥