Blog - Part 5

Epic Protein Smoothie :: Friday Foodie

January 17, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

This tasty recipe comes straight from one of our favorite online vendors, Abe’s Market. Abe’s is one of those fantastic finds that is ideal for busy parents. If you can’t get out of the house with your newborn or if you don’t have a Sprout’s, Whole Foods or Central Market in your neighborhood, Abe’s Market is the online store for you. They carry all of the gluten-free, organic, coconut-filled, a la naturale goodies and baby-products that you could ever want. We think they’re pretty awesome. We’re happy to say that this isn’t a sponsored post – we just wanted to share this great resource and their yummy smoothie recipe with you. Enjoy!

Blueberry, Kale and Fig Protein Smoothie

Ingredients:

2 handfuls of kale, fresh or frozen
1/2 C of figs
1/2 C of frozen blueberries
1 frozen banana
1.5 C coconut or almond milk
1 Tbs hemp seeds
1 Tbs tahini
1 tsp cinnamon
1 scoop protein powder

Instructions:

Place all ingredients in a blender and blend smooth. Feed to your kiddos and get excited that you are depositing healthy servings of veggies, fruits, fat and protein in their little bellies, all in one slurp. ♥ C & K

Gluten-Free Fish Bites :: Friday Foodie

January 16, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Van De Kamps frozen fish sticks and frozen clams. A meal I remember from childhood, complete with the little frozen packet of relish we mixed with Miracle Whip to create tartar sauce. I remember the sound accompanying preparation: frozen chunks of seafood (or what resembled seafood) cascading through the air to clatter and bang onto a metal baking sheet. Then the taste and texture…mmm…rubbery. Damn good, but our fish bites are healthier, and dare I say, even better tasting. If you’ve tried your hand at our gluten-free chicken tenders you’ll recognize this technique – slow cooking over low heat gives you the lovely, golden result.

Ingredients:

3-4 tilapia filets, rinsed and patted dry
1/2 cup brown or white rice flour
2 tablespoons olive oil
kosher salt to taste
1 recipe garlic aioli for dipping

Technique:

Cut the tilapia filets into bite-sized chunks, trying to keep the sizes as uniform as possible. Place the rice flour in a medium sized bowl, and add the fish, making sure each piece gets coated by the flour. Meanwhile, heat a large non-stick skillet just below medium for a couple of minutes, add the olive oil, then allow the skillet and oil to heat 2-3 minutes more. Tap the excess flour off the fish bites, and carefully place them in the skillet in a single layer (you might have to add more oil and do this in two batches). Sprinkle the fish with a little kosher salt, and swirl the oil in the pan so each piece has a little to sizzle in. Fry the fish for about 3 minutes, then gently lift one piece with tongs or a thin spatula to check the golden-ness. When side 1 looks yummy golden brown, carefully flip the fish to side 2, then swirl the oil around the fish again. If the pan looks dry or it seems the fish is sticking, add a little more oil. Cook for about 3 minutes, then check to see if side 2 looks golden. Lightly press the fish with the spatula, and when it feels firm, carefully scoop it out, allowing it to cool for a minute or 2 before serving it with the delicious aioli.

Cheryl’s Tips:

Serve this with oven-fries and malt vinegar… Fish n’ Chips!

When I started getting more serious in the kitchen, my sweet sister gave me a copy of the classic staple The Joy of Cooking for my birthday. The book has zero photos and reads like a novel. It forced me to start the habit of reading every recipe I tried from start to finish before heading to the grocery for ingredients and attempting it, because a few times I realized mid-way that I’d missed a very important step that wound up adding a ton of time to the preparation. Maybe you read, “chicken, parsley, hummina hummina hummina sounds good, go!” You dive in, and then, when you least expect it, “RUTABAGA.” AGGHHHHHHH!!!! Reading ahead prepares you if the recipe involves a technique you’ve never tried or new ingredients you haven’t used.

Here’s To Sanity and Van De Kamps,

Cheryl

6 Pointers for the Duke & Duchess – Or ANY Couple Expecting Their Second Child :: Tuesday Tip

January 13, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Let me be clear. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have not asked for my parenting pointers. In fact, you’re probably thinking that the last thing they need is my advice, being that they have a personal nanny and plenty of family support on board. Nevertheless — I think that Kate and William wipe snotty noses and get up for night feedings just like the rest of us. And because I wish someone had given me more information about what it’s like to be a parent of two, I’m sharing a few unsolicited words of warning, available to any and all expectant parents who are preparing for a second birth:

1. You might curse yourself for having two children so close in age, and then pat yourself on the back for the very same thing later. For the next year, it will be a little bit intense around the palace. Instead of double the work, it will feel like triple or quadruple the effort. Lots of crying, plenty of spills, a ton of diapers. Not a lot of sleep. But later on, when your little tikes are best friends, you will be thrilled that you didn’t wait a day longer to introduce a second kid to your tribe. My suggestion: Fasten your seatbelt and get ready for a wild ride. It will become more and more enjoyable as the months tick by.

2. There may be moments when you don’t like your eldest child. Notice that I said like, not love. You will always love and cherish your firstborn. He is the one who launched your parenting adventure and the sentimental feelings run high. But when you place a toddler next to a tiny, precious newborn, the toddler often seems like a lumbering, clumsy giant who is determined to make your life challenging for an extended period of time. A toddler who is introduced to a new brother or sister often experiences a strange mixture of excitement and rage. Excitement that they have a new sibling and plaything. Rage that this new little creature needs a ton of mum’s attention. My suggestions: Know that your feelings of frustration with your eldest are normal and make sure to put aside one-on-one time with your little first-born. He will regain his adorable status in your eyes again soon.

3. There WILL be times when both children are screaming at the SAME time, and both want their mom (or mummy as little George probably calls the Duchess). Yes, you have a nanny, and a wonderful husband, and adoring grandparents, but there will be moments when both of those babies want their mother, and no one else will do. If you could cut yourself in half, you would. But since you can’t, here are my suggestions: Take a big breath, hand one of the crying creatures to another loving adult, and tend to one kiddo at a time. The other child will survive the brief absence of your attention and might even benefit from knowing that they have to share mummy’s time.

4. It may seem like you are never going to spend one-on-one time with your partner again, except when you are sleep-walking zombies, passing each other in the middle of the night. As I said in warning #1, things are going to be challenging for a little while and it will be tough to find time to connect with your partner without a little person attached at the hip. My suggestion: Find time with each other when you can. Plop down on the couch and watch an episode of Downton Abbey while holding hands, load the kids up in a double stroller and go for a walk in the garden or cuddle up in bed when your babies give you an hour or two to rest. You’ll be going on international adventures together before you know it, but for the first few months, your couple time is going to be slim.

5. You might feel more relaxed about the care of your second little one, and you might find yourself feeling a little guilty about that. After you have survived a year with an infant, you realize that they are not quite as fragile as they first seemed. It is common to feel more at ease with number two and more accepting of help and assistance. Since you have two kids to look after, you will not be able to give the second one the anxious, unwavering attention that you gave the first. My suggestion: You learned a lot with the baby number one, so don’t feel bad about putting your experience to use and relaxing a little more. Both kids will thrive even if the parenting they receive is slightly different.

6. You will look at your children a few years down the line, when they are attached at the hip and best friends, and be so glad that you opted to have two. There is nothing more heart-warming than seeing a pair of sweet siblings hold each other tight and pose for a photo. Or hearing them chat away in their double pram as you walk them down the path. Or seeing them stand up for each other against a big ol’ bully later on in life. You’ve made an excellent decision to have a second baby and you have a slew of amazing parenting moments ahead of you.

Take a big breath, get through these first few months, and then prepare to enjoy your growing family — you have some jolly good times ahead of you.

Here’s to Strength and Double Prams,

Kirsten

Mother’s Milk Bank :: Wednesday Wisdom

January 8, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Meet Kim Updegrove. She is the Executive Director of the Mothers’ Milk Bank at Austin, and the Immediate Past President of the Human Milk Banking Association of North America. She holds Master’s degrees in both Public Health and Nursing and is a Certified Nurse Midwife. She’s an impressive lady! We wanted to chat with Kim to learn all about the in’s and out’s of the Austin Milk Bank. The Austin bank, and similar milk banks worldwide, have an ongoing and urgent need for donor milk so they can get breast milk to the smallest of our babies.

BPP: Can you give us some background on how the Mother’s Milk Bank got started and what its mission is?

KU: The mission of the Mothers’ Milk Bank at Austin (MMBA) is to save babies’ lives by providing prescribed donor human milk. Healthy lactating mothers are screened before they can donate their milk, and once approved, their milk is pasteurized, tested nutritionally and bacteriologically, and dispensed to premature and other vulnerable infants.

In 1999, two neonatologists—Dr. Sonny Rivera and the late Dr. George Sharpe—founded the Milk Bank in response to their mounting frustration at seeing premature infants who were fed formula experience serious, often fatal, complications, while those that received their mother’s milk thrived. Babies small enough to fit in your hand have a greatly increased risk of developing life-threatening conditions if fed formula, which is made of cow’s milk. The most common of these is necrotizing enterocolitis, a devastating condition causing death of intestinal tissue and subsequently a mortality rate of more than 60%. Those who survive often suffer lifelong complications as a consequence. Babies who receive only human milk feedings have a greater than 75% reduction in their risk of NEC, but mothers of babies born very early are least able to produce enough of their own milk for their babies. Donor human milk is provided when mom’s milk is unavailable.

Premature birth affects one in eight babies, and many mothers with babies in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) struggle to produce adequate—if any—breast milk. The stress of extended NICU stays on a mother can severely limit or even terminate milk production. That is why for the past fifteen years, the Mothers’ Milk Bank has been saving lives of preterm infants by providing more than nine million meals of donor human milk to babies whose mothers cannot provide their own. We currently serve 115 hospitals in twenty states, as well as approximately 20 outpatients in central Texas and beyond. In 2014 alone, MMBA dispensed 470,000 ounces of milk to over 2,685 babies.

BPP: We hear the message frequently, “Breast is best.” In your own words, can you explain why breast milk is so beneficial to newborns and older babies?

KU: Breast milk is best for both infants and mothers. That’s a very simple statement to summarize a very complicated set of benefits. Babies fed breast milk receive the benefit of a species-specific food substance created just for them – meeting their nutritional, immunological, and growth needs. Breast milk-fed babies experience decreased infections, intestinal diseases, cardiovascular disease, obesity, and diabetes, to name just a few benefits. The milk changes over time reflecting the changing needs of their own bodies – in other words, it is made perfectly for them, protecting them and promoting their growth from day one, and protecting them from chronic diseases through old age. Fullterm babies need milk until at least 12 months; mothers and infants determine together whether or not it makes sense to continue beyond that first birthday. Breastfeeding is also important for the mother, as it decreases her postpartum bleeding, can help prevent another immediate pregnancy, enhances the emotional bond with her baby, burns 500 calories per day, and decreases her risks of obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and cancer.

BPP: Who qualifies to receive milk from the bank? How do they go about receiving donations?

KU: I believe that all babies deserve human milk. Not everyone chooses to breastfeed their infant, but unfortunately there isn’t enough donor milk to cover all of those infants, so milk is prioritized for the most fragile infants. Typically, this means that infants under 1500 grams, or 3 1/2 pounds, receive donor human milk until they are mature enough for a trial of formula.

Donor milk is dispensed by prescription to those with a medical need. Most of these babies are in the hospitals, but about 50 babies in homes receive milk each year as well. These babies either have continuing medical issues for which milk will help, or they are healthier babies whose physicians have written a prescription, and the milk bank’s supply of milk allowed them to receive the milk.

BPP: After someone qualifies, how do they receive the milk? Is it delivered or do they pick it up?

KU: Recipients of donor milk can be anywhere in the US, as milk is shipped frozen to the families via Federal Express. Families in the Austin area can pick up the milk directly from the milk bank.

BPP: We know that you are always looking for qualified donors and that right now you have a shortage of milk. What makes a breastfeeding mom a good candidate to be a donor?

KU: Every healthy breastfeeding mother with an infant under the age of one year could potentially save lives of infants if she would call the milk bank to be screened. The phone interview takes approximately 15 minutes, and if she appears to be an acceptable donor, she is sent paperwork to complete and return, and a lab form to take to have her blood tested. Most moms qualify and can donate milk already pumped as well as what they express and store going forward. The most common reason for not qualifying is use of medication that might be risky for a preterm infant, but moms should call and let us make that determination. The phone number is: 1.877.813.MILK (6455)

BPP: If a mom wants to donate, what is the process? Do they use their own pump? Do they drop off the milk?

KU: Moms express and store their milk in the freezer, using their own pumps or manually expressing the milk. One extra ounce pumped per day is approximately 3 meals for a preterm infant, so, literally, every drop counts. Moms in the Austin area drop off their milk at the milk bank; moms in other cities in Texas may have a milk collection site near them where they can also drop off the milk (see our website for the locations or our sites), and other moms will ship their milk to us at our expense using the coolers and Federal Express paperwork we send them.

BPP: Is the milk treated or pasteurized in any way after you receive it? How do you store your surplus?

KU: Breastmilk is a body fluid containing all of the bacteria and viruses found in our bodies. Our own babies are okay drinking our milk because they are also exposed to our immune systems and acquire our antibodies to protect them. Recipients of donor milk are foreign to us, or rather, our milk is foreign to them. Donated milk is safe for the milk bank staff to work with, but not safe for a fragile infant to drink, so the milk is heat processed in order to get rid of the viruses and bacteria we all shed in our body fluids. It is processed in a gentle way that eradicates the things that could harm a baby, while maintaining those things that the baby needs, such as fat and protein, antibodies, and growth factors. The milk is stored in freezers while awaiting final testing to verify that it is safe, and then it is sent to hospitals or outpatients. The milk is also nutritionally tested so that we can match a baby’s need with the components of the milk.

BPP: For new moms who are unable to breastfeed and do not qualify to receive donor milk from the Milk Bank, do you have any suggestions or advice on how they can provide the best possible nutrition to their newborn?

KU: Most full-term infants will be okay with some formula, so no one should beat themselves up if they cannot breastfeed. Because human milk is best for the baby, however, it is always worth a phone call to the milk bank (512-494-0800) to see if our supply is supportive of some healthier infants receiving milk. If donor milk is unavailable, and breastfeeding is not possible, the only other breast milk substitute is formula. Informal sharing of milk appears to be quite common, and yet, is not recommended because of the risks associated with sharing body fluids. Many women who feel that they cannot breastfeed could benefit from the assistance of a lactation consultant, so I encourage all who are frustrated with their efforts to seek support. (Brian the Birthguy is one of BPP’s favorites.)

BPP: Can you share a special story with us about a family that benefitted from the Milk Bank’s services?

KU: Every baby who receives donor milk is special to us, but the following story, submitted by the family, illustrates how important donor milk is to a family with an infant born at risk.

John and Sam were born at a very early 26 weeks and 4 days gestation due to Premature Rupture of Membranes (PROM). They both weighed less than 2 pounds each and were quickly issued multiple diagnoses, including Respiratory Distress Syndrome, retinopathy, osteopenia (brittle bones) and anemia.

From the outset I knew that breast milk could make all the difference, and as the situation would have it, my own production came to an abrupt end after 7 weeks. It literally pained me. How could we do our best for them without the best possible nutrition? Thankfully, St. David’s excellent NICU covered my loss with donated milk until 37 weeks, when they switched to formula and discovered that Sam was intolerant, so Sam continues receiving donor milk in our home. Having access to donated milk has saved his life, and we believe that continued availability as they’ve grown has enabled a safe passage to complete recovery for both.

John and Sam are 6.5 months old (adjusted age) now. John weighs almost 19 pounds and Sam 16.5. Both are healthy and growing with no health concerns and are happy, chatty (in syllables!) and resilient. Nobody expected this outcome less than us. We are forever grateful to the compassionate and giving-hearted mothers who played an important part in helping this come to pass. Thank you.

Many thanks to Kim for filling us in on this incredible and life-saving resource that we have here in Austin. As we mentioned earlier, they have an ongoing and urgent need for more donors, so please check out their website or give them a call (1.877.813.MILK (6455) if you have even the tiniest amount to share! C & K ♥

We also wanted to share some words from two friends of BPP who successfully donated buckets and buckets of milk to MMBA when they were breastfeeding:

Meredith O’Brien (mother to two boys) – I was blessed with an abundance of milk after having each of my children. I had so much milk that it was really uncomfortable, and I was having to pump 2-3 times a day in addition to feeding my hungry baby. At first I would dump the milk down the drain, but then somewhere, from someone (probably some random mom at a jumpy gym) I heard about Austin’s Mother’s Milk Bank.

I called the Milk Bank and said I’d like to be a donor. They were very glad to hear from me, and asked if I’d like to come tour the facility. I put Timmy in the BabyBjorn and headed over. I was given a comprehensive tour of the milk bank, and was amazed at how organized the process it was. They showed me where all the milk is stored and how it is tested. They explained to whom my milk would go, how it would get there, and how appreciated it would be. Naively, due to my clear privilege, I never realized how many babies are born to mothers who are unable to nurse, be it due to a lack of milk, or drugs, or many other reasons. The overwhelming feeling I got from the Mother’s Milk Bank was how appreciative they were of my willingness to donate. I told them it was a two way street — I was pumping so much out of a need for physical relief. What I felt after I started to donate was an incredible sense of emotional relief. I was helping babies! I was helping their parents! It felt really good on so many levels. I would fill up my freezer with bags of milk clipped shut with a little pink clip — probably four – five bags a day at least. We didn’t have room in the freezer for ice cream!

My one issue, I told the people at the Milk Bank, was transporting the milk to the bank. I felt overextended with my activities at home, and wasn’t sure how I would get the milk to the Bank every week. They immediately enlisted the aid of a Junior League member who would come to my home at the end of each week with a large igloo cooler, collect the frozen bags of milk, and take it to the facility. She was a Godsend.

My entire experience of donating breast milk, from beginning to end, was positive and fulfilling. And easy! I’m so glad that places like this exist in the world — it makes me feel like things really do work out if we work together.

Linda Classen (mother to a boy and girl) – I enjoyed donating to the Milk Bank. It was very rewarding because I knew babies were going to benefit from my milk. I was fortunate enough to be able to produce enough milk to share with other babies.

Thank you for sharing your experiences ladies. You two rock and we’re sure that many premature babies benefited!

Playing Favorites :: Monday Musing

January 5, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

My family was cruising along in our car the other day when my 6 year-old piped up, “Mom, are you going in to the office tonight or are you staying home with us?”

“Staying home buddy,” I replied.

“Yay!” he squealed with an enthusiasm that implied that I am never, ever home. Which is amusing since I am almost always home. “I want you to give me a bath. And read books to me. And put me to bed. Ok, Mom? Ok?”

“What am I? Chopped liver?” my husband chimed in. ”What’s wrong with me putting you to bed?” He was mostly joking. But he also had a tone of genuine curiosity that communicated, what exactly does your mom do better than me?

He didn’t get his answer. The conversation quickly moved to the cool red Mustang that was racing by in the fast lane. Undistracted by the sports car, my mind was left on the subject of favorites. I understand why my boys favor me when it comes to daily routines. I’m kinder and gentler… some would say a pushover. I gave birth to them. I breastfed them. I woke up with them in the middle of the night, over and over and over again. My body is softer, my tone is softer… I’m just soft.

Truth be told, there have been times when I’ve wanted to stand in the middle of the room and scream, “I don’t want to be anyone’s favorite right now! Hand’s off, people. Back away from the mothership. Fend for yourself. I need some space!”

When I start feeling that way, I know it’s time to schedule a meeting or a girl’s night, and excuse myself for a few hours. Turning on Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” and doing a crazy, gyrating dance in the kitchen also does wonders.

My husband, Todd, takes our boys’ favoritism with a grain of salt. He is usually quite happy to say, “You want your mom? Great. I have things to do in the garage,” and saunter out of the house with a satisfied look on his face. Perhaps he shrugs off their requests for mama because he knows their opinions and preferences change as frequently as the Texas weather. He’s well aware that they switch allegiances when convenient, declaring their devotion to Daddy. Dad’s better at teaching us how to ride a bike, Mom. Dad lets us order root beer, Mom. Dad will be able to fix that when he gets home. Dad’s just better, Mom…

He really is better sometimes. There are days when I come home from work, and I notice the wide smiles. My three men have been out and about on some adventure and they did just fine. In fact, more than just fine. It’s those moments when I know the favoritism is fleeting and shallowly anchored at best. Our boys love their mom and dad equally and benefit from our unique strengths, even if they don’t always recognize it.

When you have a family of distinctive individuals (and not uniform robots) there will be a natural flow in the relationships. Sometimes your children will instinctively lean toward you. Other times it will be your partner. Sometimes one of your kids will seem like an angel flown in from heaven, who can’t do anything wrong. Wait a few days and that same child might resemble a demon, determined to make your life a living hell. Resist the urge to latch onto permanent labels such as “easier child”, “better parent”, “Daddy’s girl”, or “Mommy’s boy”. When we put ourselves or our children in these favoritism-tinged boxes, we limit our family’s ability to flex and evolve with changing circumstances. Instead of buying into favoritism, go with the flow and focus on simply loving. Your family might resemble lumpy, uneven cake batter at times, but with consistent love and warmth, everything will sweetly even out in the end.

Here’s to Sanity and Shaking It Off,

Kirsten

Gluten Free Ziti with Sausage & Veggies :: Friday Foodie

December 19, 2014 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

Okay, glorious Readers. I promised this recipe long ago, and most of you have been patiently waiting. Others of you have been almost harassing in your repeated requests, comments, emails…settle DOWN, please. This recipe tethers you to the stove for about 20 minutes, so plan accordingly, knowing the result will be scrumptious and well worth it. Stove bondage creates a nice excuse for someone else to parent while you throw ingredients around and yell, “Blamblamblah!” Sexy! Lots of veggies (kale, spinach or broccoli) work for the hidden, nutritional puree in this recipe; if you have leftover braised collards, roasted Brussels sprouts or roasted cauliflower use one or a combination.

Ingredients:

3/4 lb dried gluten free ziti
1 T olive oil
1/2 pound Italian Sausage (spicy or sweet)
1/2 cup pureed prepared veggies (photo features a combo of brussels sprouts and cauliflower)
1/4 cup marsala wine
1/2 cup chicken stock
2/3 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese
kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

Technique:

Follow your pasta package cooking instructions to prepare your ziti. When you add the pasta to the boiling water, it’s time to start your sauce. You’ll be stirring the pasta while executing the sauce steps. It will all come out around the same time, rendering you a cooking genius. Place a large skillet over medium high heat. After a couple of minutes, add the olive oil. When the oil is shimmery, add the sausage and cook, breaking it into small pieces with a wooden spoon. When the sausage is browned, add the pureed veggies and sauté for 1 minute. Add the marsala, and allow it to bubble and reduce for 30 seconds, then use the spoon to scrape all the brown yumminess from the bottom of the skillet. Add the chicken stock, stirring to combine. Allow the stock to simmer for about 3 minutes. Stir in the cream, and simmer for about 3 minutes more, stirring occasionally, making sure to keep scraping up all the goodness from the bottom and
sides of the skillet.

By now your ziti should be ready. Drain but don’t rinse it (the starchy water on the pasta will make the sauce cling more tightly), and add it to the skillet along with the cheese, 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt and a few grinds of black pepper. Stir it all together over the heat until the cheese is melted and the whole skillet looks golden and perfect. Dish it up and eat it up!

Cheryl’s Tips:

I’ve tried em’ all, and my favorite gluten free pasta is Tinkyada. They have a huge variety (including lasagne sheets), and are easy to prepare. The only drawback to gluten free pasta is that once cooked, it tends to be slightly fragile, but super yummy. Kind of like some of my favorite people. Taste your pasta before draining it; it’s perfect when it’s still a tiny bit firm, but not chewy or stick-to-your-teethy. Cooking too much longer can make it squishy.

I learned this in a Thai cooking class. Allowing your skillet to heat up for a couple of minutes before adding your oil allows the pan to expand, soaking in more of the oil, thus decreasing the chances that your food will stick or burn while cooking. Magic! No…Science! No…Magical Science!

Let’s talk about aprons. If you don’t own one, I suggest buying one at your first opportunity (it’s easy to find super cute and sexy 50’s style lines that will dress up your sweat pants) and wearing it habitually when you cook. Working with fire and oil can make you instinctually curl slightly away from food prep. You’re protecting your clothes and body from staining and burns, but the apron reduces the need for that. Get close to that heat! Less fear = more action = decadent food. You may draw whatever life/psychological parallels you wish here, for there are many.

While you cook, listen to this.

Here’s To Sanity and Magical Science,

Cheryl

No Take Backs – 15 Ways To Keep Your “No” In Place :: Tuesday Tip

December 16, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Can you identify with this scenario? You need to say no. After agonizing, practicing a speech beforehand, and finally saying no, you immediately feel crappily guilt-ridden and take it back, then wind up agreeing to do even more than you were initially asked to. The reasons for our difficulty in setting limits are complicated, often stemming from early childhood . Maybe your family was controlling and didn’t allow you to say no, or you had parenting examples of adults who overextended themselves. Adding a new life to your family can bring your “no” problems into stark view, as you’re preparing to set new limits for your growing family, and for your baby, who is obviously incapable of doing so for herself. Here are 15 ways to help you keep your “no” in firm place:

Preparation:

Remind yourself of why you personally struggle with setting limits (you’re a “pleaser”, you’re afraid of the “b-word”, etc). This will help you rise above the present issue you’re saying no to, helping you separate your strong emotional drivers from the 10 dozen cupcakes you’ve been asked to bake.
Write down your top three reasons for saying no. Keep the short list close to you for retrieval after you’ve had your conversation.
Write down three things you’ll have time for that you personally want or need to do, once you say no to this other thing. Keep this list close by too.
Notice your physical state as you prepare. Does the very thought make your breathing irregular and your pulse race? This is sign that you’re tapping into some old internal issues. Go back to #2.
Take a few moments before making the call, or sending the email or text to breathe deeply into your belly. Pull in as much fresh air as you can take, hold it for a couple of beats, then let it allllll out. Repeat 5 times minimum. Being physically grounded will help immensely.

Action:

If you’re saying no to someone who doesn’t respond well (is passive-aggressive, frowns, glares, yells, manipulates, etc), remind yourself of this truth, “It’s okay that I’m saying no to this person. I care about her, but her negative reactions to it are not my responsibility.”
Look down at your two lists. Touch them, smile at them, thank them for being there. If the conversation is in person, have them in your pocket and give them a little stealth pat.
Take a break. Very little in life is actually urgent enough to demand an immediate answer. If you start feeling flooded and tempted to take it all back, excuse yourself from the conversation, hit the restroom and repeat your five breaths.
Focus your attention on your two strong, pretty feet. Notice those firmly planted feet on the ground, imagining the guilty feelings and pressure you’re experiencing as wind swirling around you. It’s not strong enough to throw you off.
Guilt and shame rising up? Consider them growing pains. You’re strengthening a new muscle, and healthy growth is often best friends with soreness.

Post-Op:

Repeat your five breaths.
Immediately grab your lists of why you decided to say no, and what you’ve gained by having done so. Read them again and again.
If you feel tempted to take back your no, call a supportive friend or your partner instead, processing it and asking for some encouragement/reassurance that you did the right thing for yourself and/or your family.
Remind yourself of the reality you’d like to live, in which you could give of your time and resources from a place of generosity and love, instead of guilt and control.
Listen to this.

Here’s to Sanity and Little Stealth Pats,

Cheryl

Cuz That’s the Way I Like It – Saying ‘Yes’ to Your Own Holiday Traditions :: Monday Musing

December 8, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Kirsten’s recent tip on “just saying no” to holiday stress raised this question for me: why is it so hard to say no, especially to extended family, especially around the holidays? When J and I first married, we had to figure out how to share holidays with two families (we had it easy – some people are pulled between more than four due to divorce, remarriage and grandparents), who lived in different parts of the country with their own unique customs. With the approval of both sides, we agreed to alternate years, Thanksgiving with one family, Christmas with the other. Both sides were very gracious about this, but I always sensed their sadness/disappointment whenever it wasn’t “their” holiday with us. This intensified when we had kids, because of the renewed magic babies bring to holiday traditions.

The Stress. Many people will say that traveling with babies shouldn’t be a “big deal” – but the car seats, gear, snacks, diapers, holiday traffic and melt-downs can make even a short trip feel like an eternity. Then, add all the overeating, gifts, expectations, family dynamics and lack of sleep. Even when things went amazingly well, we always felt exhausted, needing a few days to get back on track physically and emotionally. One year after a particularly difficult holiday, J sat me down and made a request. “Can we please do our own thing next year? Start our own traditions with our own kids in our own home?” I remember my immediate, visceral response. “There’s no way. We would hurt too many peoples’ feelings.”

When J and I divorced, it was just before Thanksgiving. That first year, we tried to keep up the traditions, visiting both sides of the family, who were also struggling with grief over the loss of our marriage. It was very painful for all of us, and wound up causing more damage than healing or comfort to everyone involved. The experience spurred long talks about the “holiday future” we want for our kids – one that does NOT include them feeling pulled between multiple homes, stuffed with rich foods, timelines and the expectations of others.

We especially don’t want them to be concerned with being “FAIR”. Oh, how I hate that word. What does it even mean? In the end, it’s not about fair. No amount of fairness or compromise will please everyone, because everyone brings so many complicated hopes and expectations to the holidays, usually based on crap that was missing for them when they were kids. If your goal is to make a bunch of people happy, you are setting yourself up to fail. Often at the expense of your own sanity (and the sanity of your kids).

What would happen if you focused instead on pleasing yourself, and your little nuclear family? I have floated this idea to a few couples in my therapy practice, and they usually exchange a stunned look, which when silent-movie-dubbed says, “Could we actually DO that???” The Sipkowski Formula (loosely based on the best traditions of friends we’ve watched who know how to enjoy life): we declared a stay-at-home, move slowly policy. We have an open invitation to extended family, but the 4 of us stay in town and keep it simple. Our tree and decorations go up a little at a time. Christmas dinner is relaxed and decadent, served on Christmas Eve. Christmas morning is coffee, a big brunch, music and opening gifts at a relaxed pace. Christmas night is my favorite part. Friends, neighbors and “orphans” come over for tacos, margaritas, and to vent about the crazy holiday they’ve just experienced, while we squeezed limes in anticipation of their
arrival. I highly, highly recommend this plan.

When you go through a major change, good or bad, every shred of available strength becomes necessary. Anything elective that drains your reserves is forced into inspection. This is possibly never more true than when you add a new life to your family. The holidays are an excellent time to practice weighing the immediate pain/anxiety of saying “no” to someone you care about against the long term relief that could come with a positive change, and the reclamation of your own time and resources. If you find yourself pulled in a million directions during the holidays, consider letting this be the first year you stop that (since you’re the only one who can).

Here’s To Sanity and Fresh Limes,

Cheryl

How Couples Counseling Can Strengthen Your Relationship

December 4, 2014 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

One of our beliefs at Baby Proofed Parents is that a strong relationship makes a strong parent. We encourage couples to take an inventory of their partnership when expecting a child, and identify any communication difficulties or sources of conflict that could use some attention. If they have concerns, we urge them to seek out counseling because bringing a baby into the world tends to amplify marital issues rather than quell them.

That is when we hear the excuses: It costs too much. It won’t help. It takes too much time. It will be too hard.

Our friend and colleague, Louis Laves-Webb, LCSW, LPC put together a super informative graphic that dispels the common myths about couples counseling. If you have major concerns about your relationship, pre- or post-baby, this chart explains all of the ways that therapy might benefit you and your partnership:

Thanks for sharing this with us Louis! Feel free to connect with Louis or our professional counseling services if you have questions or want to move forward with scheduling couples therapy. ♥

Just Say No to Holiday Stress :: Tuesday Tip

December 2, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

I frequently get asked if my counseling practice slows down during the holidays. The answer is No. The holiday season is notorious for being a stressful time and my clients can attest to that. Expectations are sky-high, schedules are jam-packed and family members get testy as a result of all the togetherness. Even I can feel bogged down by my mile-long To-Do list that does anything but put me in the holiday spirit.

When my husband and I started a family, I assumed that my babies were going to hand me a one-way ticket to holiday bliss. I couldn’t wait to introduce them to all of the little traditions that I remembered from childhood. My littles clearly did not feel the urgency that I did. In spite of the calendar indicating that it was a very special day, our boys still required naps, still got the sniffles, still had nuclear meltdowns and still got into squabbles. I quickly realized that I needed to simplify the holidays more than ever in order to maximize enjoyment and minimize stress.

When you are a new parent, here are some things you might want to Just Say NO To:

Traveling back and forth between separate family events on the same day.
Lugging the whole family to faraway destinations to celebrate with distant relatives.
Feeling like you have to keep up with everybody’s extravagant gift giving. (Consider asking friends and family to set a price limit, do a gift exchange or skip gifts for adults all together.)
Hosting the whole clan at your house (including your single neighbor and your Great Aunt Marge) on the big day.
Wanting your home to look like it popped out of a Better Homes & Gardens magazine.
Cooking the turkey, dressing and pies all by yourself for your holiday meal. (Consider catering or potluck.)
Sending out perfectly designed holiday cards with matching address labels.
Feeling like you have to shower your young children (who aren’t even quite sure what is going on) with loads of presents.
Thinking that everyone’s holiday is merrier than yours. (Cuz it isn’t.)
Having breakable ornaments or decorations anywhere within reach of your toddler, because they WILL be shattered.
Participating in any activity or event that you don’t find completely delicious.

I’m going to insert a big UNLESS here. Say ‘no’ to all of the above UNLESS one or more of the activities bring you joy. I’ll give you an example: Cheryl is a superb cook (as you can probably tell from the Foodie section on our blog) and truly enjoys preparing a feast. I, on the other hand, am no Julia Child and would much rather kick my feet up on the sofa with some spiked eggnog and A Christmas Story playing in the background. While Cheryl might say ‘yes’ to hosting a big holiday meal and might even do most of the cooking herself (and might create a spread worthy of the royal family), I am more likely to head to my parents’ house or ask everyone to contribute a dish. Say ‘yes’ to what makes you happy and ‘no’ to anything that sounds draining. You have our permission.

Other things to consider Just Saying YES To:

Structuring your schedule around your baby’s sleeping and eating routines so you don’t have a grumpy child the rest of the holiday.
Staying home if you want to. (Being a new parent is a great excuse. Use it!)
Starting small family traditions that will stick in your children’s head more than any gift will. (Examples: We fix a big Christmas brunch and stay in our pajamas most of the day. We love looking at neighborhood lights in a convertible mustang with hot cocoa. I awkwardly play holiday music on the piano while my kids throw out exaggerated groans. Some of our friends set up a puzzle on a card table or go see a movie.)
Pushing the commercialism aside and reminding yourself and your kids about why the holiday was created in the first place.
Maintaining realistic expectations of the day. Your little ones don’t have a built-in calendar app in their head. Expect them to still act like kids.

I have to admit that our holidays have become more and more enjoyable as my boys have gotten older. They anticipate the holidays with excitement, they look forward to our silly little traditions and they keep their hands off the delicate tree ornaments. (Yes, this can be a reality for you too.) But they still end up in occasional fist fights or start the “I’m booooored” chant in the afternoon. When you have kids, your holidays might look like any other day with a handful of sparkly extras. Enjoy the sparkle and try to roll with the rest.

Here’s to Sanity and The Christmas Story,

Kirsten

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