baby proofed parents

where sane meets baby brain

Subscribe To The BPP Postcard

  • Home
  • About
    • ABOUT KIRSTEN
    • WRITING & MEDIA
    • WORKSHOPS
    • PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING SERVICES
  • PREGNANCY
  • Parenting
  • RELATIONSHIPS
  • WELLNESS
    • ANXIETY
    • DEPRESSION
    • SELF CARE
  • CONTACT
    • WORKSHOPS
    • PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING SERVICES

Expect the Best, Prepare for the Worst

October 26, 2015 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

Most parents I know have at least one, but usually multiple stories involving a pee or poop disaster out in public. In my case, it involved some Haribo Gummy Bears, a preschooler, a baby, a restaurant bathroom that had run out of paper towels and a diaper bag that was left at home. I tell this story not to gross you out (although you probably will be grossed out) but to help you learn from my obvious parenting gaffe.

It was a sunny afternoon and my kids and I were going stir crazy at home. I decided on a whim to whisk them off to an enormous play-scape, nestled in between a bunch of restaurants near our home. I considered grabbing the diaper bag but I noted that my toddler had just had a diaper change and my preschooler had recently conquered potty training. Our neighborhood was right across the street so we could run home if needed, right? (First big mistake.) I threw my boys, two sippy cups and myself in the car and took off. Three cheers for spontaneity!

gummy

Things began to go awry when my 3-year-old noticed an old bag of Haribo Gummy Bears in the car. Did you know that Haribo bears are famous for their laxative effect? Well… I didn’t. And being in the care-free mood that I was, I said, “Sure, have some gummy bears!” (Second big mistake.)

After arriving at the playground, we busied ourselves with typical climbing and swinging activities until it happened: My 3 yo. began walking toward me awkwardly and I noticed something oozing down his leg. Yup, the Haribo gummy bears had done their magic.

“Oh. No.” I muttered.

“OK… let’s get ourselves to the bathroom.” I scooped up one child in each arm and speed-walked my way to the closest restaurant and directly into their restroom, where I promptly discovered the absence of paper towels.

I’m not going to go into a lot of detail here, because you can probably imagine what happened next. With no diaper bag and no paper towels, I was pretty much helpless. I threw several items of clothing in the trash and did my best to mop up the rest of the mess with toilet paper. I only paused from my frantic clean up attempts to beg my toddler to “Please don’t crawl over there! Please don’t touch that! Please don’t put your fingers there!”

Fortunately my son’s t-shirt was long enough that when I carried him and his baby brother back through the playground, no one noticed that he was wearing nothing below the waist. My guardian angels threw me a bone when I found a spare towel in the trunk of my car. I wrapped him in it, strapped him in his car seat and headed home for a long, hot soak in the bath.

All in all, it wasn’t a big deal. A little poop. A little mess. A lot of embarrassment, especially when another woman walked into the restroom and visibly reacted to the odorous mayhem.

My take-away from the day? Never leave the house without the diaper bag. Just. Don’t.

The mistake I made that afternoon is that I expected the best but I didn’t prepare for the worst. That was outside the usual norm for me. Usually I am ALL OVER  the worst. Most parents I know naturally evolve into what I call “Worst Case Scenario Experts”. They are able to magically predict all of the possible scenarios that can arise in a certain situation and be amazingly prepared. I am a strong believer in positive thinking and the power of visualization. But when you become a parent, you also have to continually foresee all pitfalls and disasters.

Here are examples and suggestions for how this comes into play, all the way from pregnancy to older kids:

Labor & Delivery:

Expect the best – Visualize how you want the birth of your child to go. Your body was designed to do this incredible job. Go into the experience with confidence that you can make your birth plan work for you. Take childbirth classes and talk with experts who will give you information and tools to manage your pain and ultimately create the birth experience you want to have.

Prepare for the worst – Talk with your partner, your doula, your midwife and/or your doctor about Plan B if things don’t go as you hoped. How do you feel about the various pain-relief options? Are you open to epidurals? If you are planning a home birth, and need to be transported to a hospital, will you be prepared? In the event that you require an emergency C-section, does your doctor or midwife have a protocol that they follow?

Newborn Care & Breastfeeding:

Expect the best – Take infant care and breastfeeding classes to arm yourself with wisdom and guidance on how to proceed with these new tasks. The more info you have the more confident you will feel. Imagine yourself being a fabulous new parent. Even if you and your baby struggle with some of the new skills at first, you will most likely work out the kinks as time passes.

Prepare for the worst – Have the phone numbers of lactation consultants and sleep experts on standby in case you need a little advice or encouragement. Ask your experienced-parent friends if you can call them every once in awhile for mini-consults. Know that perfectly healthy infants struggle with reflux or colic at times – this does not mean you are a failure as a parent. Ask for help when needed.

Self-Care & Relationship Care:

Expect the best – You and your partner will be tired and emotional as new parents, but you will also find yourself experiencing periods of euphoria and incredible love for this little person you just brought into the world. You will also feel closer than ever at times. Visualize yourself easily navigating the physical strains of being new parents and getting stronger and more competent with time.

Prepare for the worst – If your friends want to set up a meal calendar, say yes! If they want to send in a cleaning service or a diaper service, say yes again! You can always cancel these things later if you feel like you don’t need them. If you are prone to depression or anxiety, don’t be afraid to reach out to a counselor ahead of the birth of your child. Ask close friends and family members to be on stand-by in case you and/or your partner need a sanity break or a rest. Stock your fridge with healthy foods and your Netflix queue with great flicks, so that you and your partner can enjoy all of the together time you will have in your family room.

Toddlers and Preschoolers:

Expect the best – Don’t think your life will be put on hold just because you have little ones. You can still go to the outdoor concerts, brewery parties and big family events. Your kids will benefit from being out and about. Expect that they are going to be thriving and growing as they get older. Get ready for tons of fun.

ice cream mess

Prepare for the worst – We went over this earlier, but let me repeat: always have a diaper bag filled with the basics (burp cloths, wipes, diapers, tissues, changing pad, change of clothes, snacks, sippy cups/bottles, plastic bags, etc.). Have it ready to go so you can grab it on a moment’s notice and always feel prepared. Have small toys or treats ready for those times you have to wait in a long line. Have a favorite blankie or stuffed animal ready for meltdowns. Don’t forget to bring a bottle of water and snacks for yourself. You need to take care of you!

And on a grander scale, if you have any concerns about your child’s development, behavior or sleep, do not be afraid or embarrassed to consult with your pediatrician or another expert.

And so it goes… As your kids get older, you will continue to prepare yourself for worst-case scenarios while fully enjoying their development more than ever. There will be less in your diaper bag and more experiences in your memory banks. Keep the positive expectations coming – you have some amazing stuff ahead of you!

Here’s to Strength and Gummy Bears,

Kirsten

Postpartum Survival Guide :: Wednesday Wisdom

May 27, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

39310128_m

This invaluable list of suggestions for new parents was originally posted on the Austin Born Blog. We loved it so much, we asked if we could share it with our followers. The list was compiled by a group of new mothers who were attending The Circle, a postpartum group offered for when motherhood is not Pinterest perfect.

This new motherhood gig can be tough — we believe that support from our peers is an important part of working through the struggles and ultimately finding joy.  At the last Circle meetup, we talked about how a mother is born every time that a first baby is born. In spite of this truth, becoming a mother is not always something that happens simply and effortlessly. In fact, we are finding that giving birth to this new aspect of our identities is a lot more challenging than we thought it would be, back in our pre-baby days. We all spent a lot of time preparing for the birth of our babies–we took classes, hired doulas, read books, bought stuff–but so little time and energy preparing our selves to become mothers. We wanted to offer some advice to our friends who haven’t had their babies yet, so they could be a bit more prepared than we were. Here is our collective wisdom, from some new mamas to soon-to-be mamas:

Plan.

Don’t wait to figure it out on the fly. Don’t obsess about the birth to the exclusion of what comes after. The birth is one day (maybe two), but your baby will be yours for the rest of your life.

Start now reflecting on your needs and planning ahead for the weeks and months after baby. Think, “Who am I? What things do I need to have space and time to do to feel like myself?” This could be anything from time to read the New York Times on Sunday morning to a chance to go to Target by yourself to whatever floats your boat. What do you need to feel like you? Communicate this to your partner and make it a priority after baby.

Find help and outsource what you can before baby arrives.

Find a new mom group and a lactation consultant before you desperately need them and are too tired and frazzled to search.

Instead of a lot of cute onesies, register for things like a prepared meal service, diaper service, cleaning service, postpartum doula care, and new mom group fees (such as an AustinMama Pass or Partners in Parenting). This kind of stuff is going to help you a lot more than 20 receiving blankets.

Slow down.

You are not going to bounce back to your old life anytime soon after giving birth. You will have more on your plate than you can imagine right now, and the demands of your baby will at times seem overwhelming. Do not expect to do everything or even most things you used to do.

Celebrate the small achievements.

Driving alone with baby for the first time. Waking up before your baby does without panicking that she/he has stopped breathing. Brushing your teeth and taking a shower before noon. Right now you can’t imagine how enormous these accomplishments will seem to you, but when they come, celebrate them. Tell yourself what an amazing job you are doing, and be proud.

mom's group

Tell your friends to keep calling you.

Sometimes a big gulf can open up between friends-who-are-now-moms and friends-who-are-child-free. This doesn’t have to be so, and no one really wants it to happen. So tell your friends to keep inviting you to things, but to not take it personally or give up asking if you decline the invitation 9 times out of 10. It is nice to know that people still want you around.

You can’t win.

No matter what choice you make, there will be guilt and blame. If you choose to stay home with your child and not return to paid work right away, you will miss being with people and feeling the sense of accomplishment you used to feel at your job well done. If you choose to return to your outside job, you will feel guilty about leaving your child with others and even about enjoying your time away. This is just one hot-button example, but there are a million parenting decisions to make about feeding/sleeping/diapering/training/clothing/whatever your child, and there will always be a voice in your head and several voices around you telling you that you have chosen wrongly. You have to decide what is right for you, and tell everyone (including your own inner guilt-voice) to shut up.

Every baby is different, and everyone has their own story.

No one has all the answers, because your relationship with your baby is unique. Reading too many baby-care books and mommy blogs can make you crazy. Be kind to yourself. Also be kind to other moms, because you have no idea what they are dealing with. And if you end up caring for your newborn in a way you did not envision yourself doing it, don’t feel guilty. Cut yourself a break, and remember that you are doing the best you can with what you’ve got.

It does get better.

Every new mom struggles with something — don’t believe that anyone’s social media account tells the whole story. What we all put on Facebook is the highlight reel of our lives. It is not reality.

The days of new parenthood are loooooooooong, but with time you will find your way out of the haze and feel more and more like yourself again. Finding community and reminding yourself that you are not alone in this helps tremendously. At least it has for us!

circle
If you live in Austin and would like to get more of this ongoing support and wisdom, consider putting an AustinMama Pass from Austin Born on your registry. Try all the groups, and find the one that meets your needs. Thanks again to the new mamas and doulas at Austin Born for sharing their wisdom and support! – C & K ♥

So, You’re Not A Baby Person :: Monday Musing

May 4, 2015 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

My best friend in college was really into babies.  Like, really.  She loved to coo at them and cuddle with them.  So much so, that for her 20th birthday, when she was not even close to starting a family, I gave her the gorgeously illustrated, Anne Geddes Baby Name Keepsake Book.  Strange gift for a 20 yr old… but for her, it made sense.  I just knew that she was destined to become an incredible mother who loved her littles with every inch of her being.

Not-a-baby-person-square

I, on the other hand, was not much of a baby person.  I liked kids and I definitely liked babysitting them for extra income.  But I didn’t gravitate toward infants like my friend, Liz.  If we were hanging out at a coffee shop, and there was a lady sitting next to us with a newborn and a dog, Liz would be admiring the baby and I would be petting the terrier.  That was just how we rolled.

When I hit my late 20’s, my maternal instincts kicked into high gear with a jolt and I suddenly wanted to have a baby more than anything in the world.   Ask my husband – I was on an maniacal mission to become a mother.  It took several years to get pregnant, but when when I finally got the positive test, it was one of the happiest days of my life.  I was officially a “baby person”, right?

Well, sort of.

My newborn arrived and I loved, loved, LOVED him.  I thought he was the most beautiful thing in the world.  But there were days when I felt bored out of my mind whilst cooing at him, or singing to him, or playing peek-a-boo for the 56th time.  Life seemed pretty mundane and repetitive at times.  I found myself thinking, Oh, won’t it be nice when he can feed himself  OR  when he is potty trained and I don’t have to change diapers  OR  when we can go out and about on long adventures.

It will be nice when he is older, I thought.

My husband, not being much of a baby person himself, whole-heartedly agreed.  We were ready for our babies to be non-babies so we could have long conversations with them and take them out to see the world.

Fast forward ten years, and we have officially arrived at the non-baby stage.  We have two big strapping boys who debate every subject and run ahead of us on hiking trails.  They’re independent, they’re fun and they are definitely not infants any more.  The irony of it all?  There are moments when I yearn for the newborn stage again.  Perhaps I have a case of “the grass is greener”.  Perhaps I’m crazy.  Or perhaps I now appreciate the incredible amount of love, growth and effort that contributed to my sweet babies morphing into young men and I want to revisit and cherish that intense yet fleeting period.

These days, if I’m talking to an expectant dad or mom who has never considered him or herself to be a baby fanatic and is feeling a little anxious about becoming a parent, I give them these simple tips:

My Three Suggestions for Non-Baby Folks:

1. If you’re expecting a little one, and you’ve never been much of a baby person before, don’t fret.  There is nothing in the world like having your own kiddo.  You are going to grow to love that little person passionately, and you will also figure out how to take care of them with time.  No experience needed.

2. After baby arrives, if singing nursery rhymes or stacking blocks for two hours straight causes your head to hurt, make sure to schedule regular non-baby time for yourself: coffee out with a friend, date night with your partner, GNO with your besties, or even returning to work part- or full-time.  After short breathers from your babe, you’ll find yourself rushing home, excited to jump back into the nightly bath and bedtime routine.  The first three years of our babies’ lives are irreplaceable, developmentally and experientially, so take care of yourself so you can be fully present for them.

Doula & Newborn

3. Savor the baby years.  I know this seems counter-intuitive for us non-baby people.  But our kids really are babies for a very short period.  So stare at their little hands.  Listen to their sweet, squeaky voices.  Laugh when they do the same silly dance 15 times in a row.  Relax your shoulders, breathe in their baby smell and know that it is all temporary.

Now when I see a woman at a coffee shop with a stroller and a dog, I gravitate toward the infant first. Perhaps I am fully converted to a “baby person”? I guess that can’t hurt since I do write for a baby blog. 😉

Here’s to Strength and Babies,

Kirsten

headshot2

Four Births :: Monday Musing

January 19, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

This week’s Muse features a guest writer and friend, Phyllis Brasenell.  Phyllis is a DONA certified birth doula (check out her amazing Wednesday Wisdom piece on being a doula) and the owner of AustinBorn, a center for expecting and new parents. She currently serves as President of the Central Texas Doula Association.  Baby Proofed Parents and Austin Born just formed a beautiful new partnership, and we’re so proud to promote their awesome services in the Austin birth community.   Stay tuned for some amazing Baby Proofed/Austin Born workshops and collaborations coming up in the very near future, and thank you, Phyllis, for sharing your insightful writing with us!

Four Births

doula birthing services Austin TX

I still remember the very first birth I supported as a doula. It was my client’s fifth baby; we had a wonderful midwife attending, no interventions involved and we all made it home in time for dinner on that Friday afternoon. Pretty unheard of in the unpredictable world of birth, so I counted myself very lucky.

In the past couple years since that day, I’ve supported many dozens of births and very few of them as straightforward as that first. In my work, I’ve been invited into a woman’s life at one of her most intimate and vulnerable moments because the truth is that becoming a mother is a transformative evolution whether it’s a first baby or a fifth.

It’s a rebirth. Everything is new again. Who are you as mother? How will this role be different than all the others in your life? Seeing a baby take its first breath still leaves me in awe but watching a mother be born is just as powerful. Even if it’s not your first baby you now have a completely new family. At every birth I support, I’m constantly reminded that I’m witnessing four births: the birth of a baby, the birth of a mother, the birth of a father, and the birth of a family.

These births are going to change you and that can feel overwhelming and even scary but I encourage expecting parents to dive in. Look within and listen: What matters to you? What excites you about this new baby and what’s keeping you up at night? There are no wrong answers, friend.

Here’s to Growth and Happiness,

Phyllis Brasenell

brasenell

6 Pointers for the Duke & Duchess – Or ANY Couple Expecting Their Second Child :: Tuesday Tip

January 13, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Expecting Your Second Child

Let me be clear. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have not asked for my parenting pointers. In fact, you’re probably thinking that the last thing they need is my advice, being that they have a personal nanny and plenty of family support on board. Nevertheless — I think that Kate and William wipe snotty noses and get up for night feedings just like the rest of us. And because I wish someone had given me more information about what it’s like to be a parent of two, I’m sharing a few unsolicited words of warning, available to any and all expectant parents who are preparing for a second birth:

1. You might curse yourself for having two children so close in age, and then pat yourself on the back for the very same thing later. For the next year, it will be a little bit intense around the palace. Instead of double the work, it will feel like triple or quadruple the effort. Lots of crying, plenty of spills, a ton of diapers. Not a lot of sleep. But later on, when your little tikes are best friends, you will be thrilled that you didn’t wait a day longer to introduce a second kid to your tribe. My suggestion: Fasten your seatbelt and get ready for a wild ride. It will become more and more enjoyable as the months tick by.

 

2. There may be moments when you don’t like your eldest child. Notice that I said like, not love. You will always love and cherish your firstborn. He is the one who launched your parenting adventure and the sentimental feelings run high. But when you place a toddler next to a tiny, precious newborn, the toddler often seems like a lumbering, clumsy giant who is determined to make your life challenging for an extended period of time. A toddler who is introduced to a new brother or sister often experiences a strange mixture of excitement and rage. Excitement that they have a new sibling and plaything. Rage that this new little creature needs a ton of mum’s attention. My suggestions: Know that your feelings of frustration with your eldest are normal and make sure to put aside one-on-one time with your little first-born. He will regain his adorable status in your eyes again soon.

 

3. There WILL be times when both children are screaming at the SAME time, and both want their mom (or mummy as little George probably calls the Duchess). Yes, you have a nanny, and a wonderful husband, and adoring grandparents, but there will be moments when both of those babies want their mother, and no one else will do. If you could cut yourself in half, you would. But since you can’t, here are my suggestions: Take a big breath, hand one of the crying creatures to another loving adult, and tend to one kiddo at a time. The other child will survive the brief absence of your attention and might even benefit from knowing that they have to share mummy’s time.

 

4. It may seem like you are never going to spend one-on-one time with your partner again, except when you are sleep-walking zombies, passing each other in the middle of the night. As I said in warning #1, things are going to be challenging for a little while and it will be tough to find time to connect with your partner without a little person attached at the hip. My suggestion: Find time with each other when you can. Plop down on the couch and watch an episode of Downton Abbey while holding hands, load the kids up in a double stroller and go for a walk in the garden or cuddle up in bed when your babies give you an hour or two to rest. You’ll be going on international adventures together before you know it, but for the first few months, your couple time is going to be slim.

 

5. You might feel more relaxed about the care of your second little one, and you might find yourself feeling a little guilty about that. After you have survived a year with an infant, you realize that they are not quite as fragile as they first seemed. It is common to feel more at ease with number two and more accepting of help and assistance. Since you have two kids to look after, you will not be able to give the second one the anxious, unwavering attention that you gave the first. My suggestion: You learned a lot with the baby number one, so don’t feel bad about putting your experience to use and relaxing a little more. Both kids will thrive even if the parenting they receive is slightly different.

 

6. You will look at your children a few years down the line, when they are attached at the hip and best friends, and be so glad that you opted to have two. There is nothing more heart-warming than seeing a pair of sweet siblings hold each other tight and pose for a photo. Or hearing them chat away in their double pram as you walk them down the path. Or seeing them stand up for each other against a big ol’ bully later on in life. You’ve made an excellent decision to have a second baby and you have a slew of amazing parenting moments ahead of you.

Take a big breath, get through these first few months, and then prepare to enjoy your growing family — you have some jolly good times ahead of you.

Here’s to Strength and Double Prams,

Kirsten

headshot2

Mother’s Milk Bank :: Wednesday Wisdom

January 8, 2015 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Kim informal shot

Meet Kim Updegrove.  She is the Executive Director of the Mothers’ Milk Bank at Austin, and the Immediate Past President of the Human Milk Banking Association of North America.  She holds Master’s degrees in both Public Health and Nursing and is a Certified Nurse Midwife.  She’s an impressive lady! We wanted to chat with Kim to learn all about the in’s and out’s of the Austin Milk Bank.  The Austin bank, and similar milk banks worldwide, have an ongoing and urgent need for donor milk so they can get breast milk to the smallest of our babies.

BPP:  Can you give us some background on how the Mother’s Milk Bank got started and what its mission is?

KU: The mission of the Mothers’ Milk Bank at Austin (MMBA) is to save babies’ lives by providing prescribed donor human milk.  Healthy lactating mothers are screened before they can donate their milk, and once approved, their milk is pasteurized, tested nutritionally and bacteriologically, and dispensed to premature and other vulnerable infants.

Breast milk donor center Austin

In 1999, two neonatologists—Dr. Sonny Rivera and the late Dr. George Sharpe—founded the Milk Bank in response to their mounting frustration at seeing premature infants who were fed formula experience serious, often fatal, complications, while those that received their mother’s milk thrived.  Babies small enough to fit in your hand have a greatly increased risk of developing life-threatening conditions if fed formula, which is made of cow’s milk.  The most common of these is necrotizing enterocolitis, a devastating condition causing death of intestinal tissue and subsequently a mortality rate of more than 60%.  Those who survive often suffer lifelong complications as a consequence.  Babies who receive only human milk feedings have a greater than 75% reduction in their risk of NEC, but mothers of babies born very early are least able to produce enough of their own milk for their babies.  Donor human milk is provided when mom’s milk is unavailable.

Premature birth affects one in eight babies, and many mothers with babies in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) struggle to produce adequate—if any—breast milk. The stress of extended NICU stays on a mother can severely limit or even terminate milk production. That is why for the past fifteen years, the Mothers’ Milk Bank has been saving lives of preterm infants by providing more than nine million meals of donor human milk to babies whose mothers cannot provide their own. We currently serve 115 hospitals in twenty states, as well as approximately 20 outpatients in central Texas and beyond. In 2014 alone, MMBA dispensed 470,000 ounces of milk to over 2,685 babies.

BPP: We hear the message frequently, “Breast is best.” In your own words, can you explain why breast milk is so beneficial to newborns and older babies?

KU: Breast milk is best for both infants and mothers. That’s a very simple statement to summarize a very complicated set of benefits. Babies fed breast milk receive the benefit of a species-specific food substance created just for them – meeting their nutritional, immunological, and growth needs. Breast milk-fed babies experience decreased infections, intestinal diseases, cardiovascular disease, obesity, and diabetes, to name just a few benefits. The milk changes over time reflecting the changing needs of their own bodies – in other words, it is made perfectly for them, protecting them and promoting their growth from day one, and protecting them from chronic diseases through old age. Fullterm babies need milk until at least 12 months; mothers and infants determine together whether or not it makes sense to continue beyond that first birthday. Breastfeeding is also important for the mother, as it decreases her postpartum bleeding, can help prevent another immediate pregnancy, enhances the emotional bond with her baby, burns 500 calories per day, and decreases her risks of obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and cancer.

BPP: Who qualifies to receive milk from the bank? How do they go about receiving donations?

KU: I believe that all babies deserve human milk. Not everyone chooses to breastfeed their infant, but unfortunately there isn’t enough donor milk to cover all of those infants, so milk is prioritized for the most fragile infants. Typically, this means that infants under 1500 grams, or 3 1/2 pounds, receive donor human milk until they are mature enough for a trial of formula.

Donor milk is dispensed by prescription to those with a medical need. Most of these babies are in the hospitals, but about 50 babies in homes receive milk each year as well. These babies either have continuing medical issues for which milk will help, or they are healthier babies whose physicians have written a prescription, and the milk bank’s supply of milk allowed them to receive the milk.

BPP: After someone qualifies, how do they receive the milk? Is it delivered or do they pick it up?

KU: Recipients of donor milk can be anywhere in the US, as milk is shipped frozen to the families via Federal Express. Families in the Austin area can pick up the milk directly from the milk bank.

BPP: We know that you are always looking for qualified donors and that right now you have a shortage of milk. What makes a breastfeeding mom a good candidate to be a donor?

KU: Every healthy breastfeeding mother with an infant under the age of one year could potentially save lives of infants if she would call the milk bank to be screened. The phone interview takes approximately 15 minutes, and if she appears to be an acceptable donor, she is sent paperwork to complete and return, and a lab form to take to have her blood tested. Most moms qualify and can donate milk already pumped as well as what they express and store going forward. The most common reason for not qualifying is use of medication that might be risky for a preterm infant, but moms should call and let us make that determination. The phone number is: 1.877.813.MILK (6455)

BPP: If a mom wants to donate, what is the process? Do they use their own pump? Do they drop off the milk?

KU: Moms express and store their milk in the freezer, using their own pumps or manually expressing the milk. One extra ounce pumped per day is approximately 3 meals for a preterm infant, so, literally, every drop counts. Moms in the Austin area drop off their milk at the milk bank; moms in other cities in Texas may have a milk collection site near them where they can also drop off the milk (see our website for the locations or our sites), and other moms will ship their milk to us at our expense using the coolers and Federal Express paperwork we send them.

BPP: Is the milk treated or pasteurized in any way after you receive it? How do you store your surplus?

KU: Breastmilk is a body fluid containing all of the bacteria and viruses found in our bodies. Our own babies are okay drinking our milk because they are also exposed to our immune systems and acquire our antibodies to protect them. Recipients of donor milk are foreign to us, or rather, our milk is foreign to them. Donated milk is safe for the milk bank staff to work with, but not safe for a fragile infant to drink, so the milk is heat processed in order to get rid of the viruses and bacteria we all shed in our body fluids. It is processed in a gentle way that eradicates the things that could harm a baby, while maintaining those things that the baby needs, such as fat and protein, antibodies, and growth factors. The milk is stored in freezers while awaiting final testing to verify that it is safe, and then it is sent to hospitals or outpatients. The milk is also nutritionally tested so that we can match a baby’s need with the components of the milk.

BPP: For new moms who are unable to breastfeed and do not qualify to receive donor milk from the Milk Bank, do you have any suggestions or advice on how they can provide the best possible nutrition to their newborn?

KU: Most full-term infants will be okay with some formula, so no one should beat themselves up if they cannot breastfeed. Because human milk is best for the baby, however, it is always worth a phone call to the milk bank (512-494-0800) to see if our supply is supportive of some healthier infants receiving milk. If donor milk is unavailable, and breastfeeding is not possible, the only other breast milk substitute is formula. Informal sharing of milk appears to be quite common, and yet, is not recommended because of the risks associated with sharing body fluids. Many women who feel that they cannot breastfeed could benefit from the assistance of a lactation consultant, so I encourage all who are frustrated with their efforts to seek support. (Brian the Birthguy is one of BPP’s favorites.)

BPP: Can you share a special story with us about a family that benefitted from the Milk Bank’s services?

KU: Every baby who receives donor milk is special to us, but the following story, submitted by the family, illustrates how important donor milk is to a family with an infant born at risk.

John and Sam were born at a very early 26 weeks and 4 days gestation due to Premature Rupture of Membranes (PROM).  They both weighed less than 2 pounds each and were quickly issued multiple diagnoses, including Respiratory Distress Syndrome, retinopathy, osteopenia (brittle bones) and anemia.

premature babies need breastmilk

From the outset I knew that breast milk could make all the difference, and as the situation would have it, my own production came to an abrupt end after 7 weeks.  It literally pained me.  How could we do our best for them without the best possible nutrition?  Thankfully, St. David’s excellent NICU covered my loss with donated milk until 37 weeks, when they switched to formula and discovered that Sam was intolerant, so Sam continues receiving donor milk in our home.  Having access to donated milk has saved his life, and we believe that continued availability as they’ve grown has enabled a safe passage to complete recovery for both.

Breast milk donors for infant health

John and Sam are 6.5 months old (adjusted age) now. John weighs almost 19 pounds and Sam 16.5.  Both are healthy and growing with no health concerns and are happy, chatty (in syllables!) and resilient.  Nobody expected this outcome less than us.  We are forever grateful to the compassionate and giving-hearted mothers who played an important part in helping this come to pass.  Thank you.

Many thanks to Kim for filling us in on this incredible and life-saving resource that we have here in Austin. As we mentioned earlier, they have an ongoing and urgent need for more donors, so please check out their website or give them a call (1.877.813.MILK (6455) if you have even the tiniest amount to share! C & K ♥

We also wanted to share some words from two friends of BPP who successfully donated buckets and buckets of milk to MMBA when they were breastfeeding:

Meredith O’Brien (mother to two boys) – I was blessed with an abundance of milk after having each of my children.  I had so much milk that it was really uncomfortable, and I was having to pump 2-3 times a day in addition to feeding my hungry baby.  At first I would dump the milk down the drain, but then somewhere, from someone (probably some random mom at a jumpy gym) I heard about Austin’s Mother’s Milk Bank.

I called the Milk Bank and said I’d like to be a donor.  They were very glad to hear from me, and asked if I’d like to come tour the facility.  I put Timmy in the BabyBjorn and headed over.  I was given a comprehensive tour of the milk bank, and was amazed at how organized the process it was.  They showed me where all the milk is stored and how it is tested.  They explained to whom my milk would go, how it would get there, and how appreciated it would be.  Naively, due to my clear privilege, I never realized how many babies are born to mothers who are unable to nurse, be it due to a lack of milk, or drugs, or many other reasons.  The overwhelming feeling I got from the Mother’s Milk Bank was how appreciative they were of my willingness to donate.  I told them it was a two way street — I was pumping so much out of a need for physical relief.  What I felt after I started to donate was an incredible sense of emotional relief. I was helping babies!  I was helping their parents!  It felt really good on so many levels.  I would fill up my freezer with bags of milk clipped shut with a little pink clip — probably four – five bags a day at least. We didn’t have room in the freezer for ice cream!

My one issue, I told the people at the Milk Bank, was transporting the milk to the bank.  I felt overextended with my activities at home, and wasn’t sure how I would get the milk to the Bank every week.  They immediately enlisted the aid of a Junior League member who would come to my home at the end of each week with a large igloo cooler, collect the frozen bags of milk, and take it to the facility.  She was a Godsend.

My entire experience of donating breast milk, from beginning to end, was positive and fulfilling.  And easy!  I’m so glad that places like this exist in the world — it makes me feel like things really do work out if we work together.

Linda Classen (mother to a boy and girl) – I enjoyed donating to the Milk Bank. It was very rewarding because I knew babies were going to benefit from my milk. I was fortunate enough to be able to produce enough milk to share with other babies.

Thank you for sharing your experiences ladies.  You two rock and we’re sure that many premature babies benefited!

Premature babies breast milk donor center

Pregnancy and Parenthood – More Alike Than Different :: Monday Musing

November 24, 2014 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

Pregnancy and Parenting Similarities

Experiences in the baby and parenting world are often broken down into prenatal and postpartum.  Before baby and after baby.  With all of the emphasis on these two states of being, you would think that a new chronological era begins after the birth of your little one. This can feel daunting.  The truth is that there are numerous parallels between pregnancy and parenting. I’m going to argue that the prenatal challenges you endure actually prepare your body and mind to raise a little person. Here’s how:

Ten Trillion Decisions: The second that you and your partner see the positive pregnancy test, the joint decisions begin. Hospital or home-birth? Doctor, midwife and/or doula? What baby items do you register for? And on and on… When baby arrives, the choices don’t end, but you’ve had nine months of practicing effective decision-making with your partner. Bring on the the options, you are ready to make whatever decision comes your way.

Reminder: Take one decision at a time. Don’t feel like you have to figure out everything at once. Decisions about sleep-training, discipline styles and day-care can wait! Gather the information, weigh out your options with your partner and make a choice that feels right to both of you. Most of the time, you can change your mind and adjust as you go.

Physical Strains and Discomfort: Everyone knows about the physical effects of pregnancy: morning sickness, heart burn, sleep disturbances. Even dads-to-be often report vicarious symptoms. When you become a new parent and recover from the birth, most of the physical ailments disappear completely. Well… the nipples of breastfeeding moms take a little bit of a beating. And of course sleeping conditions do not improve for awhile. A long while. Fortunately your body is not completely caught off guard by these conditions. You’ve endured a lot. You can cope with these challenges as well, we promise you.

Reminder: Self-care is essential for expectant and new parents. You are going through a lot, but if you take the time to rest when you can and reach out for help when needed, your body will not disappoint you and will rise to the occasion. Just wait, watch and be amazed…

Emotional Highs and Lows: Pregnancy brings with it a tsunami of hormones and emotions. Most women find that they cry more than ever and experience a wild swing in how they’re feeling from moment to moment. Expectant dads are not immune to the roller coaster either. Parenthood brings more feelings with it. Add sleep-deprivation and the vulnerability that comes a long with a new baby into the mix, and the emotions run rampant. You might find yourself feeling both ecstatic and exasperated, all at once.

Reminder: If you’ve been a person who has always tucked your feelings in tight, the roller coaster of emotions might feel overwhelming. See this as an opportunity to let down your walls and release your inner drama queen. Emotions are healthy and normal and you are about to experience a lot of them. Releasing and expressing your feelings will help you to be a better parent. Of course, as we’ve said many times before, if your emotions seem insurmountable it might be time to reach out to your doctor or a trained counselor and get some help. Please don’t hesitate if this is the case.

Breathe and Let Go: If you pop in on a childbirth class, you’ll hear a lot about deep-breathing, staying focused, thinking positively and relaxing. If you can remember to use these skills and techniques, they’ll help you through your labor and delivery. What the childbirth instructor often forgets to mention is that these same skills will be handy for the next 18 years! Parenting can be a wild ride – remembering to inhale, smile and relax will help you to weather the many challenges that come your way.

Reminder: Even if you learn and practice these relaxation skills, you might forget to use them when you need them the most. This is when your parenting partnership will come in handy. When you see your partner feeling overwhelmed, give them a hug, remind them to breathe, share a few encouraging words and offer to take over for a while. You two have practiced some serious skills – you can do this.

Pregnancy and parenthood are two parts of one amazing journey. If you and your partner have tackled a pregnancy together, you will already have many of the skills you need to raise a child. Pull from the strength and knowledge you have already gained and get ready to rock as a parent. We know you will be amazing.

Here’s to Strength and Similarities,

Kirsten

headshot2 

 

Why Am I Crying? :: Monday Musing

October 28, 2014 By: babyproofedparents6 Comments

Woman crying

A few days ago, I opened up one of those “iPhone auto-correct text mishaps” posts on the Internet, and within seconds, I was laughing so hard, I had tears running down my face.  Real, wet-my-cheeks tears.  This sensation of crying – without understanding what the heck I was crying about – immediately brought me back to my days of pregnancy and new motherhood.  Looking back, I probably could have filled a salt-water aquarium with all of the prenatal and postpartum tears I shed.

Prior to having pregnancy hormones coursing through my body, I rarely cried in front of others.  I actually took pride in the fact that I maintained a rather poker-faced exterior.  My husband affectionately nicknamed me the Ice Princess (this was pre-Elsa, mind you) because the saddest, most sentimental movie couldn’t get me to tear up.  The Notebook had nothing on me.  I maintained this silly determination to stay dry-eyed.

All bets were off after I became pregnant.  You only had to give me a sappy American Idol episode, a baby food commercial, or a mention of pregnancy from a passing stranger and I was immediately boo-hooing.  When my baby arrived, the crying increased.  I experienced tears of astonishment and joy as I stared at the amazing little creature in my arms.  Tears over how damn hard a natural thing like breastfeeding seemed to be.  Tears because I was sleep-deprived and, let’s face it, a little delirious.  Happy and sad and exhausted tears.  Not to mention the tears frequently coming from my newborn’s little eyes.  We went from a quiet, stoic house to a home of sniffles and Kleenex.

So what was all this crying about?  It turns out that the extremely small, almond-sized hypothalamus, which is at the core of our reptilian brain, can’t really tell the difference between being happy, sad, overwhelmed or stressed.  It just knows when it is getting a strong, emotional signal and in turn, triggers our parasympathetic system, which then triggers our tear ducts.  If you think about the times when you are crying, it is usually when you are having an overwhelmingly strong emotion.  The tears almost act as an overflow valve, releasing some of your emotional tension and allowing your body to rest and reset.  Add hormones and sleep-deprivation to already intense emotions, and the flood gates are open for business.

From a psychological and social perspective, the researcher, Dr. Oren Hasson argues that the act of crying demonstrates vulnerability.  It helps people to trust and feel sympathy for you.  Crying also communicates that you crave attachment.  Hmmm…. I think he just perfectly described the needs of new parents and babies, don’t you?

For me, becoming a parent kicked my parasympathetic system into high gear… and it never turned off.  Despite my pregnancy hormones being long gone and my kids growing older, I am still easily brought to tears, and I don’t try to hide them now.  Vulnerability is currently my middle name.  Our children get to cry openly and loudly.  We should allow ourselves to let it go as well, whether we are laughing hysterically, feeling deeply touched or just plain sad.  Crying is innately human and nothing to be ashamed of.  When you are an expectant or new parent you might find yourself doing a lot of it.  Just think of it as a pressure valve that is allowing you to release some steam and heaviness, calm your body and then move forward.

If you’re looking for a release right now, check out that humor post I was talking about, 35 of the Most Concerning Auto-Correct Fails of All Time.  Be Warned: May contain 7th-grade-boy-level laughs, profanity, and just possibly, a few tears.

Here’s to Sanity and Kleenex,

Kirsten

headshot2

The Birth Guy :: Wednesday Wisdom

October 1, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Update 10/2015: Since we interviewed Brian one year ago, a lot of amazing things have been happening for him. He and a team of other dads launched the Rocking Dads Podcast. He went live on Periscope and hasn’t stopped sharing his enthusiasm with the world. And he recently signed contracts in LA with an agent and a producer to launch his own reality show. Look out for The Birth Guy. He’s coming to a screen near you!

photo 1

Meet Brian Salmon, aka The Birth Guy.  Brian is San Antonio’s only actively practicing male doula (or “Dude-La” as he likes to call himself, being a surfer from California).  The Birth Guy knew he’d found his calling in birth education and support when he assisted his first birth at 19 years old.  Witnessing his daughters, Eva (9) and Daisy (5) both be born by emergency Cesarian delivery reinforced his desire to help parents prepare for childbirth, regardless of how the birth unfolds.  Brian is a Certified Lactation Counselor and owns BabyVision Ultrasound, San Antonio’s leader in prenatal imaging.  Having worked with over 19,000 expectant families, Brian has taught many childbirth classes and currently facilitates the ever popular Rocking Dads and Facilitating Fearless Birth workshops. Brian has been featured on NBC, FOX, ABC, Univision and the blog, OurMilkyWay.org.  And just last week, he began filming a pilot for the new Birth Guy TV Show! We are so excited to feature The Birth Guy on the BPP blog, because his passion for helping new parents is truly one of a kind.

BPP:  It is highly unusual to meet a male doula or lactation counselor. How did you find yourself on this career path?

TBG: I sort of fell into it.  I was asked to coach a very special birth at the age of 19 while studying pre-med and I loved it.  Over the last four years, I have expanded my services and outreach because of the need I’ve seen not only in my community, but in the United States…well, really globally.  I saw many birth professionals instill fear in the expectant parents they were working with.  I felt like I needed to get out there and make a difference when I realized that too many moms walk away upset and wounded from births.

BPP: You facilitate the wildly popular and very unique Rocking Dads workshops. Your classes are always jam packed. What kind of experience do expectant fathers take away from your workshops?

TBG: I’m going to let the dads speak for me.  Here are a few bits of feedback from a book of evaluations I keep:

  • Brian was awesome. Funny, informative and reassuring. The man definitely knows what he is talking about!
  • The information about the birth plan was helpful – a lot of great advice about what to do and what not to do.
  • Brian was excellent – tons of great info in three hours. I feel much better and more prepared. He was understanding and non-judgmental.
  • All of the advice about breastfeeding and childbirth was great – this workshop could be twice as long.
  • Brian is no BS – he talks about things at everyone’s level.
Graduates of a Rocking Dads Class

Graduates of a Rocking Dads Class

BPP: What are the most common concerns or issues you see with expectant or new dads?

TBG: Most dads need to realize that birth is what mom was designed for,  so when she is screaming, moaning, growling, hitting, crying and everything else that happens in labor, he just needs to support and hold space.  Dads sometimes feel pushed aside in the process.  I teach them to not just be present, but that they have responsibility to be the other half of the parenting team.  We cover so much in the class from understanding pregnancy, stages of labor, interventions, breastfeeding, team building, creating a birth plan and millions of other things that go along with the ride.

BPP: You have mastered the skills of lactation educator and counselor/consultant. How do you partner with couples to prepare them for the job of breastfeeding?

TBG: Education, education, education!  Some breastfeeding classes are taught, not for success, but by people who want you to hire them when you have problems.  I prefer to prepare moms in such a way that they rarely need more than a follow-up phone call after baby arrives.  I train the partner to look for common signs of an improper latch, but most of all I encourage them to support and love on mom so that she is calm.  It is important for her to take some time to get relaxed with baby.  I also train couples to recognize early feeding cues so they have time to latch before the baby freaks out and is screaming for food (which isn’t good for anyone).

BPP: As a birth doula, how do you interact with couples in the delivery room?  Do you attend both hospital and home births?

TBG: I go wherever I am needed – different families require different things.  Regardless of the birth setting, I make sure that my clients are prepared and that we act as a cohesive unit.  When I take on a client, I partner with them on everything: ultrasounds, education, birth visualizations, breastfeeding training and a visit to the hospital or birth center.  I love home births as well, but that is a whole other type of doula-ing!

BPP: Do people ever question your ability to advise on breast-feeding or childbirth since you are a man?

TBG: I have definitely experienced healthy doses of reverse discrimination.  The only people who ever question my expertise are people who don’t know me or view me as competition (personally, I don’t view other birth professionals as competitors, because there are plenty of expectant couples to help, and that should be our focus!).  When an individual gets to know me or takes one of my classes, they get it.  There is a reason that multiple lactation consultants support me in teaching free breastfeeding classes every month in San Antonio – I know my stuff!

BPP: Anyone who interacts with you or your website can see that you clearly LOVE your job.  You radiate enthusiasm and positivity!  What are things you enjoy the most about it?

TBG: I do not feel like I work a day in my life!  My favorite moments are when I see a couple embrace with a new kind of intimacy that just radiates love and compassion.  I am so excited for all the expectant parents I work with, and even more excited when I know they have really worked hard, together, to achieve the the birth they want.   I love when I hear a birth story that may not have been what the couple wanted, but because they were prepared mentally and emotionally, the new outcome does not take away from the joy of a baby and a brand new family dynamic.  I love seeing parents really get breastfeeding and work through the speed bumps.  And of course, seeing babies be born is a favorite!

BPP:  You are a father to two young girls.  How does being a dad impact your business and career path?

photo 2

TBG: It’s more like, how doesn’t it?  My girls are phenomenal.  They both totally get what I do for work.  I often see my clients in public, and they call me “The Birth Guy”.  My oldest says that’s the real reason I’m popular, and she may be right!  I have learned so much from them both, which translates into a different understanding and perspective in my career.  Eva, my oldest, was not at all the pregnancy, birth, or breastfeeding experience I thought she would be.  She was exactly the opposite.  That paved the way for me to change and redirect my approach/understanding.  I learned a new type of compassion which drove me to really teach people what the “dark corners” can be, giving them a metaphorical flashlight.  Daisy, my second, was born sick too.  We were more prepared, but the journey was different.  We were divorcing during the pregnancy, which was horrible.  I felt abandoned, while waiting for a baby to arrive, knowing that I would only see both of my kids 1/2 time.  It really taught me about strength (and about poor decision-making), and it ultimately shaped me into a much better father, friend and Birth Guy!

BPP: If you had to give one (and we know you have ten million) sanity-saving pointers to expectant or new parents, what would it be?  

TBG: Go get educated in birth and breastfeeding, and nurture your relationship, as this will give your baby the best environment.  Be careful to not choose mentors who are negative and teach with a fear-based style!

We’ve met a lot of amazing folks in the baby industry, and Brian is one of the true gems. Check out his social media channels and YouTube videos, especially if you are in need of a smile. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us, Brian! C & K ♥

Want more?

Go to The Birth Guy’s website for classes schedules, doula services and great videos: http://thebirthguy.com/

Like Brian on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/brianthebirthguy

Follow @BirthGuy on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/BirthGuy

Find his videos on YouTube…. more to come: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvfvVfZQc06tpHjXWekt9OA

One last thing – here is an ad that The Birth Guy created to advocate for breastfeeding, wherever a mom needs to, even if it is public:

breastfeeding ad

Unmet Expectations – 3 Ways to Cope with Parenting Disappointments :: Tuesday Tip

August 26, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Coping with disappointment raising children

A lot of moms and partners experience some sort of let down during pregnancy, birth and the first few months with their newborns.  Maybe you hoped to have a girl, and felt a twinge when you got the ultrasound results.  Maybe breastfeeding was insanely difficult, and you had to switch to formula sooner than you’d planned.  Maybe you went in ready for a vaginal delivery, and ended up having a c-section.  Maybe you thought your newborn would be a sleeping angel, but he turned out to be a very active night owl.  Even the most flexible people have at least a vague idea of how they’d like things to go, and when those hopes and expectations aren’t met, it’s very normal to feel at least a little sad and/or angry.  Although we’re usually pretty good at normalizing other people’s struggles, many of us experience guilt when it’s our turn to face our own version of disappointment.

Disappointment, when it’s left bottled up, can make you more susceptible to depression and/or anxiety, so it’s very important to acknowledge it.  A common reframe we use in Therapy World is this:  “What would you say to a friend who was experiencing the same thing?”  Almost always, the answer is some version of this:  “I’d tell them I’m sorry it happened that way.  I’d hug them and tell them it’s okay to be sad.”   I never hear, “What’s wrong with you?  Get a grip!  What do you have to be upset about?” It feels terrible to even write words like that – I can’t imagine saying them to someone.  Yet, somehow, it’s very easy to say to myself when I’m going through difficult emotions.

Here are some strategies for airing out the inevitable changes in your best laid plans, for any stage of parenting:

  1. Prepare as much as you can mentally for the reality that not everything will go according to plan.  Try to “hold on loosely” to your visions of pregnancy, birth and the postpartum months.
  2. Let it flow.  If you notice anger or sadness welling up over unmet expectations, allow yourself a good cry, an intense journal entry, or a venting session with a trusted friend or therapist.
  3. Once you’ve allowed yourself to feel your feelings, use gentle methods to redirect yourself and assimilate the change.  Instead of saying, “Snap out of it!”, try reflecting on something positive.  My midwife used to remind me that “chaos creates new flow,” and I still grab for that phrase when I’m going through a change in plans.

Here’s To Sanity and Flow,

Cheryl

5_MG_0872

 

Empowering Laboring Moms :: Wednesday Wisdom

August 6, 2014 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

Wendy Howard Labor and Delivery Nurse

Meet Wendy Howard.  Wendy is the mother of two, a wife, and a Labor and Delivery Nurse with a certification in Inpatient Obstetrical Nursing at UCMB Hospital in Austin, Texas.  She also has experience in Emergency Medicine, Critical Care, is a Breastfeeding Resource Nurse, and aspires to become a Certified Nurse Midwife.  This is where Wendy’s unique perspective comes in – she had her first baby in a hospital setting, and her second at home with a midwife.  She can truly attest, from personal experience, to the benefits and drawbacks of both birth settings. Her passion is Women’s Health, and all things related to pregnancy, labor, delivery and recovery.  She strives to give each of her patients a personalized birth experience, fulfilling their hopes whenever possible.  One of my favorite things about Wendy is how candid she is – she has a straightforward, honest, yet gentle way of speaking about what women can REALLY anticipate experiencing both during birth and post-nataly.

BPP:  What are the biggest joys and challenges of your work as a nurse?

WH:  The joys are helping a woman achieve the birth she wants.  That’s what I strive for:  seeing her empowered, whether that’s completely natural, drug-free with spontaneous labor, or that she tries for a vaginal delivery and winds up having a c-section.  When the baby is okay and in her arms – then the outcome is positive no matter what the plan was.  It’s a challenge when the plan has to change for some reason (the baby is breech or the mom is post-date or diabetic, and interventions haven’t worked).  It’s also challenging when I’m advocating for the mom, but my voice isn’t heard anymore, because it’s the doctor’s call ultimately.

BPP:  What are the top three things you wish women were educated on/prepared for when giving birth?

WH:

  1. More than likely, their body knows what to do, and the majority of the time, they could have a vaginal delivery without intervention.
  2. They have the right to refuse any service that they feel might be unnecessary for themselves or the baby.
  3. That they should be as prepared as possible for pain, and have some emotional and mental tools for helping to manage it.

BPP:  What are the top three things you wish women were educated on/prepared for post-nataly?

WH:

  1. That a major lack of sleep will be present, and there are ways to manage that with support.
  2. That even though an instinct is there for both mom and baby, breastfeeding education is a must because of its many facets (not all babies will latch well, all nipples aren’t the same, etc).
  3. Your body will never be the same, in both positive and negative ways.

BPP:  What are the top three myths that you find yourself dispelling with new parents?

WH:

  1. That breastfeeding will be a breeze, and is a form of contraception:  not always, and no it’s not!
  2. That you and your parenting partner will naturally fall into a cohesive team:  you have to intentionally communicate and possibly fight to become a team.
  3. That you won’t make mistakes in every aspect of parenting:  we’re human; trial, error and big mistakes are inherent to parenting, just like they are to every new role.

BPP:  You had both a home birth and a hospital birth.  Will you compare the two?

WH:  It’s like apples and oranges.  My support system (my husband and my mom) was the same for both.  My psychological mind frame was different: in the hospital birth, I was unsure of so much going on around me.  I had anxiety about the unknown, and had a constant feeling that an intervention like a c-section was hanging over my head.  With the home birth, there was more comfort and peace, and the constant was, “I’m at home, in a safe space, it’s familiar and I can move around with no restrictions.” I had my second baby at home, and I knew I could get through the birth, which added peace of mind.

BPP:  What are ways can women advocate for themselves in the hospital setting?

WH:  Educate yourself before you go to the hospital.  Figure out the type of birth you want, with details like whether or not you want pain medication and communicate that up front.  Ask questions.  Question everything, and if you don’t feel right about a decision the doctor or nurse wants to make, state your opinion and ask them to justify and explain theirs.  Ideally, have a labor support person (like a doula or a good friend with an obstetric nursing background) to advocate for you.

Family of Four

BPP: What tips do you have for dads/parenting partners on how best to support the laboring mom?

WH:  Be present, physically and with emotional support.  Try to figure out with the mom what is best for her specific needs, which could be physically touching her, playing music for her, getting drinks for her,  or just being there.

BPP:  What advice do you have for family/friends who want to attend the birth/visit the new mom and baby in the hospital?

WH:  Respect the sanctity and possible need for space of the new family, and know that needs/preferences look so different for people.  When I was in the hospital after my first, I wanted no visitors until we were postpartum or ideally, at home.  Don’t take it personally if the new parents want time and space with their new baby.

BPP:  If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?

WH:  Take care of yourself, whether that’s going to get a massage, exercising, getting a pedicure, going on a date with your partner – take time away to rejuvenate, so you can give your entire self to your baby.

Thank you, Wendy, for devoting yourself to advocacy for new moms, and sharing your beautifully faceted wisdom with us.  Any new mom would be lucky to have you on her team. 

Cheryl & Kirsten ♥

What’s Your Story? :: Monday Musing

July 21, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Birth Story

Until I had a baby, I had no idea how important it would be to tell my birth story.  I understood the educational component of tv shows on the subject, and noticed how passionately new moms talked about their experiences, but I didn’t really get it.  Now, if anyone seems even remotely interested in hearing about the births of my two, I can feel heat rise in my cheeks and hear my voice getting louder.  My habit of talking with my hands goes nuts as I become more traffic director than story teller.

I’m certain you’re intrigued, so here’s the cliff notes version:  my daughter arrived in a little under 3 hours, which is rare for a first time mom.  None of us were prepared for this, including my midwife, who had just enough time to slip on a pair of surgical gloves as she ran from our front door to our bathtub, catching our baby after my last push 4 minutes later.  I wouldn’t change anything, but at the time, I was terrified to the point of emotionally leaving my body – it was as if I was watching myself go through it from somewhere near the bathroom ceiling, as J did his very best to keep us both on the ground.

A difficult emotional component of many new moms’ experiences is the massive, abrupt attention shift from her pregnancy and needs to the needs of the new baby.  The birth is often skipped over, even though it is the most formative and insane process imaginable for first time parents.  Suddenly the baby is here.  Everything changes.  And there is precious little time to emotionally catch up to the here and now, let alone fully assimilate what has just happened physically.

Kirsten and I use the word “processing” constantly.  Processing is more than just chatting.  It’s talking with intention, venting things out, sifting through messy feelings and patterns we don’t fully understand.  The result?  Lightness.  Both in having emptied out burdens, and actual light being shed on things that weren’t quite clear.  And if anything warrants some intense processing, it’s a birth.

One of my favorite moments of birth processing happened with my friend Shannon.  She listened attentively to my story, asked tons of questions, and identified with me. When I was finished, she shared hers.  It was awesome, especially her description of the part of her labor when she felt like a cow trying to push out a calf.  She actually got down on all fours and demonstrated the lowing sounds she had made.  We laughed and cried and just sat there reflecting on what a crazy experience it is.  We decided that someday, we will host a birth recreation experience for moms.  Wine and a stage and an invitation to get up there and process-perform their labor.  Audience members are invited to cheer, “Go, Mama!!!”  We shall call it, “This Shit HAPPENED To ME.”

If you’re a new mom, and you haven’t told your birth story to someone who is hanging on every word, see if you can make that happen.  Even if it means a nice long phone conversation with a best friend who doesn’t live here.  Share with your partner, as he or she needs to process too, and you were likely tuned into completely different details.  I used to ask J, “Will you tell me the part about when you thought I was a total badass again?”  If your birth story was traumatic or a complete departure from what you’d hoped for, consider sharing your experience with a therapist.  Some things change us forever, and if we don’t assimilate the past, parts of us get left behind.  Scoop all that up and bring it.  Terrible or amazing, it has refined you, which renders it beautiful.

Here’s To Sanity and Processing,

Cheryl

Cheryl Sipkowski, MS, LPC

 

The Role of A Doula :: Wednesday Wisdom

July 9, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

brasenell

Meet Phyllis Brasenell.  Phyllis is co-owner of AustinBorn, a boutique doula collective meeting the needs of parents from pregnancy to birth to early parenting.  Phyllis is a DONA-certified birth doula and DONA-trained postpartum doula, with diverse experience including multiples, single parents, surrogacy, VBAC, home birth, and still birth.  She currently serves as the Vice President of the Central Texas Doula Association. Phyllis is passionate about supporting women and their families. Before becoming a doula, she worked with pregnant teens and teen moms to complete their education and gain independence.  As a volunteer with the UN World Food Program in Ghana, she supported the well-being of breastfeeding women and children.  I have loved interviewing women like Phyllis for our BPP Wisdom treasure chest – but there’s one downside.  I repeatedly think, “I wish I had known you when I was pregnant!”  We are excited to highlight her compassionate perspective as a doula, and hope it encourages pregnant moms to seriously consider enlisting this beautiful form of support.

BPP: Please describe the role a doula plays during a woman’s pregnancy and the baby’s birth.
PB: We compliment the care of a doctor, midwife, or nurse by providing non-medical care for the mother and her partner with continuous informational, physical, and emotional support before, during, and after birth. I like to think of us as a knowledgeable guide helping mothers achieve a positive birth experience, as they define it.

BPP: What drew you to becoming a doula?
PB: My background is in social work and education with girls and women (with a brief stint in the corporate world for good measure). I became a doula because I saw my friends starting their families and feeling unsure and afraid of the process. I loved the idea of helping women to feel more confident in pregnancy, birth and parenting while also bringing their partners more actively into the process.

BPP: What are some specific ways doulas advocate for laboring moms in the hospital setting?
PB: We don’t speak on behalf of mothers or their partners because we encourage them to find their own voice. We create the opportunity for mothers to advocate for themselves by making sure they’re receiving and understanding information. So for instance, in the hospital setting if an intervention is proposed I’ll remind mom to ask “BRAIN” – Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, what does my Intuition say, and what happens if we say No?

BPP:What advice do you have for fathers/parenting partners on how to best support a laboring mom?
PB: The first is to look after yourself! This seems counterintuitive but you need to care for yourself so that you can fully care for a laboring mom. Make sure you’re eating, hydrating, resting, and using the bathroom. My second piece of advice is to be present. There’s no magic trick for supporting a woman in labor because only she can birth the baby. But feeling loved and held by her partner does wonders for her emotional state and the physical production of helpful hormones. Now’s not the time to be on your smart phone or tablet. And if in labor a partner forgets everything they learned in childbirth education class, just repeat “I love you. You’re strong. You’re doing it.”

BPP:You’ve talked about how many people see doulas as a “luxury item.”  How do you counter that belief?
PB: The evidence for continuous labor support is there– births with doulas have lower rates of intervention (including c-section) and higher rates of satisfaction. We’re also endorsed by ACOG as one of the most effective ways to improve labor and delivery outcomes. But we’re rarely covered by insurance which means the care of a professional doula is an out-of-pocket cost.  I encourage parents to think of having a doula as an investment– all the products and stuff we buy for new baby will fall by the wayside but a mother and her partner will remember the day their child was born forever.

BPP: What parts of the birth process/caring for a newborn do you find moms are often unprepared for?
PB: No one is better prepared than a pregnant woman! She’s reading stacks of books, taking classes, and going into the hospital or birth center with multiple bags packed. But we don’t do a lot of the emotional work needed for the birth process, especially breaking through fear and anxiety. Along those same lines, not many moms are prepared for a departure from their birth plan. They’ll have a very particular idea of how they want it to go and it can be very jarring when there’s a change. I try to emphasize that it’s best to prepare ahead of time while also knowing that we can’t go into labor/birth with the chapters pre-written– birth is a story that unfolds as you go.

Caring for a newborn also throws emotional curve balls. Many moms hear one of two stories: the blissed-out new mama where everything with baby is peaceful and easy or the struggling new mama who is sleep deprived and weepy. Not many moms are prepared for the fact that there’s room for both. We don’t like conflicting emotions but it really is normal to feel totally in love with your new baby and also missing your old life. That’s okay. You can love motherhood and sometimes kind of hate it at the same time and still be an amazing parent.

Phyllis Headshot

BPP: What are your favorite and most challenging parts of being a doula?
PB: My favorite part is getting to know so many diverse families from different walks of life, and I’m still in complete awe at every birth I support. It’s funny because at once it’s an ordinary process (truth time: it’s a bodily function!) but also absolutely remarkable and trans-formative. I love seeing partners look at each other after their baby is born and say, “We did it!” But the challenging part of being present at such an intimate and intense time is that it can be emotionally and physically draining. We put a lot of love and energy into the families we work with and it usually takes a couple days to recuperate from a birth. The hours and unpredictability are also tough, but now I have two partner doulas and a call schedule which helps, because we know we won’t be away from our own families for more than 24 hours at a time.

BPP: What are some misperceptions about doulas you’d like to correct?
PB: There are three biggies:

  1. That we’ll be at odds with your doctor/midwife/nurse or try to persuade you in medical decision making. Really, we consider ourselves a member of your “birth team”, and it’s in everyone’s best interest if we communicate/work well with your other providers. And sure, we’ll be a sounding board as you process information, but we trust you to make your own choices.
  2. That we will push an agenda. Do we believe birth is a normal and safe process? Absolutely. Do we think breastfeeding is great for mom and baby? You betcha. But above all else we are pro-mother and we respect how she chooses to give birth and parent.
  3. That we’ll replace the partner, but our goal is actually the opposite! Prenatally, we talk a lot about the role the partner would like to have at the labor/birth and how we can facilitate that. It looks different for everyone, but it often means reminding the partner of labor comfort measures, reassuring them that everyone is doing well, or “spelling” them so they can grab a sandwich or shower without leaving mom to labor alone.

BPP:  If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?
PB:  In the first couple months postpartum, meal calendars are a must and I swear by a chore list for visiting guests (I find that friends and family really want to help but aren’t always sure how).
Also, put down the books! Okay, okay, don’t put down all the books, but what I mean is this: do educate yourself so you have a good baseline of information going into parenting. But also know that no one and no book will know your new baby like you do. Learn your baby.

Thank you Phyllis, for sharing your wisdom! You and your team are an amazing resource for expectant parents everywhere.

C & K ♥

Featured Photo Copyright: macsim / 123RF Stock Photo

It’s Not About The Stuff :: Tuesday Tip

July 1, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

baby_registry_shopping

Registering for gifts has always made me very happy. The little pricing gun, watching your online tracking list dwindle down, knowing the presents you open were pre-selected – it’s a beautiful process. When it came time to register for our first baby shower, J and I were told about “The List” – a popular big box baby store’s print out of suggested must-have baby items. We stopped by to grab a copy. I stood very still, staring at what seemed to be over 200 items. This thought flashed through my mind: “What the hell is ‘layette’? Le what? Le who?” Seeing the look on my face, J gently removed The List from my death grip and led me to the Thai restaurant next door. Mus Mun curry with chicken makes everything better.

Fast forward to a gorgeous Saturday morning at one of my favorite south Austin coffee spots. I noticed a woman pushing the stroller of my dreams – compact, easy to maneuver, and red. When I asked her about it, we fell into a conversation about how much stuff you can feel pressure to buy. I loved her spin, “All your baby really needs is a soft place to sleep and your boobs.”

I found peace somewhere in the middle. I was lucky enough to have several awesome mama friends who combed through The List with me, voting on the items they agreed were essential. They had saved tons of gently used baby gear for me, and we registered for/bought a few things we were pretty certain we’d need, because of their function or their irresistible cuteness. Some things on The List actually became needs later, requiring some post-baby shopping. Through it all, I kept reminding myself that as long as our little one had us, we’d all survive.

The nesting instinct that comes over parents can be intense. If used for good, it can result in completed projects, an organized house, and a calm, centered you. If gone awry, it can convince you that you should be afraid, you should buy everything on multiple Lists, and if you don’t have a microwavable steamer bottle sterilizer that doubles as a baby monitor… game over. Deep, deep breaths. It’s not about the stuff. The most valuable thing you can give your baby is a healthy you – your arms, your milk and your sanity.

BPP Sanity Saving Tips:

  1. Remember that lists of “Must-Haves” can be treated more as “Helpful Suggestions.” Ask moms you admire for advice on what to procure before baby’s arrival, and what can wait, if it’s needed at all.
  2. Arrange in advance for someone to make runs for baby items you later realize would really help (and groceries, and Mus Mun with chicken).
  3. If you start to feel overwhelmed or unprepared, remind yourself of the truest essential for your baby: love. Pretty sure you’ve got a lot of that.

Here’s To Sanity and Layette,

Cheryl

5_MG_0872

On Prenatal Pregnancy Massage :: Wednesday Wisdom

May 28, 2014 By: babyproofedparents3 Comments

Massage Therapist and Birth Journey Facilitator

Luna Wood

 

Meet Luna Wood.  Luna is a Nationally Licensed Massage Therapist and Birth Journey Facilitator with over 20 years of experience.  She trained through DONA (Doulas of North America) and ALACE (Association of Labor Assistants & Childbirth Educators), and is currently a Certified Massage Doula graduating from the advanced six month Massage Doula program at the Star Institute. She has taught various programs at the Star Institute & Austin School of Massage and has 13 years of experience as an instructor specializing in pregnancy and childbirth. She currently has a thriving practice at South Congress Massage.  If I’d known Luna during my pregnancies, you couldn’t have pried me off her massage table.  She is a gifted, genuine, vibrant woman, and we are honored to feature her wisdom!

BPP: You were a doula for years, and then transitioned to massage therapy.  What drew you to changing your career direction?

LW: I LOVE attending births and I still attend 1-2 a year, however, it has become a challenge to be on call around the clock.  My son is 13, and he is involved in many extra-curricular activities.  I also love to travel, and when you attend births you are unable to do so.  As a busy parent, I find massage easier to schedule, and my day is over earlier, so I can have quality family time.  I also find massage to be relaxing for me as a practitioner.  Every session is a meditation for me.  I get to focus on that person and be completely in the moment.  When I’m on vacation I miss the ritual of my massage practice.  It’s a wonderful way to pace my day and really connect with people in a healing space.

Prenatal massage therapy reduces stress

BPP:  Describe what a pregnant mom would experience in a prenatal massage.

LW:  Prenatal massage is so relaxing for mama and baby.  I treat it as two people who want to be in harmony together.  Massaging pregnant women is my favorite because moms are so open to education and feedback, and sometimes just need a listening ear.  I feel privileged to work with pregnant women. Prenatal massage is so important for the mother’s circulatory system, adrenals, hormones and joints, but equally as important for emotional and spiritual connection.  It’s my goal to help the pregnant mama and baby leave my studio feeling fully nurtured and supported mentally, physically and spiritually.

BPP:  What do you focus on when providing massage to a brand new mom?

LW:  Many times new moms need education and information.  Most of the time, I find they need an open ear to LISTEN.  First time mothers are saturated with information from the internet.  Information overload is not helpful.  Many times we just need to process the journey of pregnancy and parenting.  I ask my clients to read books with interesting pregnancy stories or ask them to do artwork, or go hang out in nature.  The brain needs a break so we can be fully present with our growing babies.

BPP:  As a parent, how have you personally worked to obtain good work and personal life balance?

LW:  I receive massages or another form of bodywork at least once a week.  When I was pregnant with my son 13 years ago I was attending births and practicing massage.  I was forced to slow down when my blood pressure rose from doing too much.  I learned a valuable lesson about self care.  Being pregnant made me more aware of the foods I was eating, and helped me make sure I rested well.  I also practiced prenatal yoga and swam at Deep Eddy Pool everyday.  When my son was born, I made an agreement with myself that I would not go longer than a month without receiving massage or other types of bodywork, and I’ve stuck to it.  Massage is not a form of pampering.  It is preventative care.

BPP:  What benefits could dads/parenting partners get from massage?

LW:  I always remind dads and partners that they are pregnant too!  Just because they are not physically carrying the baby, they ARE carrying the baby energetically and emotionally.  Fathers/partners feel lots of financial and emotional pressures when their partner is expecting.  They nest and prepare just like their partner.  It is important that they receive self care as well.  They don’t want to work and burn out before the baby even gets here.  They need to show up to childbirth and baby care classes, not to mention the birth, with a full tank.  Partners need to model self care, because they will be going through sleep deprivation, fastening car seats and changing diapers soon enough.  Self care should be a good habit that gets started from the beginning of the pregnancy, because once the first child is born, time is such a luxury!   If you make your appointments for massage, take your hot baths, or go for a run regularly it will be easier to keep your good habits once the baby is here.

BPP:  What is your favorite part of working with expectant moms?

LW:  I love that moms do their homework.  What does this mean?  If you ask them to do a breath work technique, drink lots of water, practice some pelvic rocks, sit on the exercise ball, work with visualization, and get massage and bodywork, they actually do it!  They are wonderful clients because they are not only looking out for their best interest but alsol the interest of the baby.  I also love working with babies.  It’s like doing infant massage before they are even born.  I turn the mom on her left side, then her right, and by the time I get to the belly the baby is usually all nestled in and relaxed.  Sometimes if I’m lucky, I will feel a little kick or nudge of enjoyment.  This gives me great joy to share such a beautiful experience with this new soul.  I’m not thinking about my grocery list or what I did yesterday.  I’m RIGHT THERE IN THAT MOMENT!  There is nothing else quite like that moment with that little one and her mama.

BPP:  In your experience, what mental/emotional blocks do expectant moms have to self-care (such as regular massage therapy), and what is your response to those blocks?

LW:  What I find most about moms is that they feel guilty for taking time or money for self care (massage, acupuncture,  yoga class, nutritional support).  I often hear that massage is a luxury, and I often reply, ” No, it’s preventative medicine and it would be wonderful if our health care paid for it!”  In our culture it’s ok to spend money on a new haircut, highlights or a pedicure, but not on our body and health.

Time also becomes a luxury in a growing family.  We can not be sane parents without some time for ourselves. It is imperative that we create this in our lives.  Even as a single parent, I made time to have self care while my son’s godmother was at my home or when he was in preschool.  As moms we have to put ourselves first because no one else is going to.

BPP: If you had to give one sanity-saving tip to new parents, what would it be?

LW:  Take naps, get massages, do yoga (even if it’s only 5 min on the floor) and take some time to meditate.  I have made a point to take at least five minutes of meditation before I get out of bed in the morning and jump into my day.  Good habits will take you a long way and keep you sane.

Thank you, Luna, for your hands-on support and nurturing for babies and moms.  We appreciate your loving work, and your firm stance on massage being a preventative health benefit, not a luxury.  That’s how we feel about all forms of self-care!

C & K ♥

  • 1
  • 2
  • Next Page »

Connect with BPP

Search The BPP Blog

Online resource for new and expectant parents

Welcome to BPP, an online resource for maintaining your sanity – before, during and after your baby's arrival. I'm Kirsten Brunner and I'm here to support YOU. Read more...

Parenting tips and advice
I'm Published by Mamalode!
TODAY.com Parenting Team Parenting Contributor

Tags

anger anxiety baby birth partner breakfast childbirth co-parenting communication conflict coparenting couple's communication crying dad depression dinner divorce doula easy recipe foodie friends gluten-free healthy hospital kid-friendly labor & delivery laughter love marital marriage newborn parenting postpartum pregnancy prenatal relationship sanity self care sides single parent strength stress stress mgt tantrums tip veggies

Learn About Our Professional Counseling Services

Learn About Our Professional Counseling Services

Pre-Order My Book

Pre-Order My Book

Our Partners

Our Partners

Recognition

Recognition
The Land of Nod, design for kids and people that used to be kids
Tiny Prints - Holiday Offer

For Parents of Multiples

How Do You Do It?

Monthly Archive

The Land of Nod, design for kids and people that used to be kids

Copyright © 2025 · Modern Blogger Pro Theme By, Pretty Darn Cute Design