Tools for Expectant Parents, Resources for New Parents, Help for New Moms

The Acupuncturist :: Wednesday Wisdom

October 15, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Meet Jean Busch. Jean is the owner of Kingwood Acupuncture in Kingwood, Texas. Her acupuncture practice has been thriving for 16 years, because she’s so passionate about health and balance, and it shows. Jean worked as a nurse in the hospital setting (ICU/CCU, Medical/Surgery, OB/GYN and Neonatal ICU) for over 20 years before being introduced to Chinese Medicine. She describes her discovery of acupuncture as “life changing,” and has gone on to do amazing things for many, many people… myself included.

Every woman who’s struggled with infertility and then become pregnant has her theory about what made it happen. No two stories seem to be exactly alike. Part of what I personally believe got me pregnant was an acupuncture treatment with Jean. I was venting to her about my frustration, how I felt like I was doing everything I was “supposed” to, and it was getting rough to feel that high and then sinking disappointment month after month. She told me she believed that I was very healthy and fertile, but that my body might just need a “nudge” in the right direction. Jean’s treatment was incredible. I’d never had acupuncture before, and during the session, I felt completely relaxed and as though I was levitating. After, I felt like I’d had a 2 hour full body massage… so, obviously no harm there. Plus, I was pregnant within a month. – C

BPP: Your history is rooted in nursing. What drew you to study and practice acupuncture?
JL: Honestly, I was always disillusioned by western medicine. I was passionate about caring for people, but frustrated and confused about the methods used for chronic illnesses. Having acupuncture myself and for my family and seeing first hand the natural and almost miraculous benefits it provided, showed me that I could use my passion in a way that was totally natural and yet extremely powerful.

BPP: What are some ways acupuncture treatments can help women who are struggling with fertility?
JL: Fertility and all other OB/GYN issues are my favorite things to treat. It doesn’t matter if it’s for a13 year old with menstrual pain, a woman with menopausal imbalances, or someone having a problem getting pregnant, I can honestly say that acupuncture and Chinese medicine have never failed. Maybe it’s because being a woman myself, I know that we experience problems that are so easily treatable by alternative medicine like acupuncture.

BPP: What are some ways acupuncture treatments can help women during pregnancy and after birth?
JL: Chinese Medicine works because it views the human being in a totally different way than allopathic medicine. It sees us as a whole being, not separating mind, body, and spirit. That said, it can diagnose and treat issues based on that perspective. The body is simply assisted to return to a healthy balanced state, it “reminds” it of what it knows to do naturally and on its own. So, for pregnancy, birth and postpartum, acupuncture gently corrects the imbalance and allows the intelligence of our bodies to do what it already knows to do with ease.

BPP: What general health improvements do you find yourself recommending to women over and over?
JL: It probably is the most disappointing advice that I give all my clientele, and that is to eat really healthy foods. That sounds simple, however, our perspective of what constitutes “healthy” can be very different. The medicine of Chinese medicine IS our food, so to speak. Basically, we truly are what we eat. Also, as balanced a lifestyle as we can have. This is a challenge in our hectic lives! It’s a process, but forming habits like yoga, meditation, walking, or whatever we enjoy will help us feel better and better about ourselves.

BPP: What myths about acupuncture do you often find yourself dispelling?
JL: The most common “myth” about acupuncture, to me, is that it’s “just sticking a few needles in some random areas of the body.” Most people don’t realize that it is a Medicine in and of itself. The profession is highly regulated in most states. In Texas, it takes a Masters degree in Oriental Medicine, which takes four full years followed by a national board exam to be a licensed acupuncturist. It is a complex system of understanding the body in a totally different way that we do in western medicine.

BPP: What thoughts do you have on acupuncture for babies and children?
JL: I’ve treated children as young as four years old with acupuncture. It really depends on the child, most are more curious than frightened. We only use a small number of needles in children and use the tiniest little needles. On children younger than that we can use a technique with small silver or gold “pellets” on the acupuncture points. This is actually an extremely effective method and can be used on adults as well. Kids are GREAT! They are so fun, and because they can tell they feel so much better they will ask to come back for more treatments!

BPP: Your practice involves more than needles. What other techniques/treatments do you use for women?
JL: Acupuncture uses very fine needles to tap into the bio electrical energy, called “Qi”, of our bodies to remind it how to return to a balance state of health. That said, I use the needles as my main form of treatment. However, Chinese herbs, diet, and various supplements are an integral part of most acupuncturist regime along with the needles. I also stay with the client and do a form of “healing touch” called medical Qi Gong. This, I would say, is my specialty and believe that it is a powerful tool that eventuates the treatment greatly. Most acupuncturists will develop their own individual “spin” on their treatments as they see what works best for their patients over the years.

BPP: Many moms struggle to incorporate self-care, including acupuncture, massage and therapy treatments. What advice do you have for them?
JL: This is such an important question! How do we, as busy moms, fit in self care?? This is what I continue to learn myself and encourage other women to realize: “Taking care of ourselves is the number one priority!” Our families and the people around us will be healthier and appreciate us more for being happy, healthy and calm ourselves. It is not helpful when we are running around exhausted, frazzled and irritable because we are trying to do everything for everyone else but don’t take the time to take care of ourselves.

BPP: If you could give one sanity saving tip to new parents, what would it be?
JL: The above answer fits this question as well. I also, think that talking with others, sharing our experiences, fears and frustrations is extremely helpful. I am not a psychologist, but I allow my clients to express their feelings and listen with an open mind and heart, which is very therapeutic.
It may sound trite, but I believe that being in a space of an open heart and a loving, nonjudgmental spirit, is the key to finding peace within ourselves and others…allowing our children and others to just be who they are without trying to make them what we judge to be “right”. It will take a huge load off of our shoulders to grasp the concept that we are not the CEOs of the universe, it’s not our job to control our children or others. Our job is to gently care for the general well-being of them, honoring their individual uniqueness.

Thank you Jean, for sharing your beautiful philosophy on holistic health. Your compassion, openness and skills are such amazing gifts!

C&K ♥

Can I Do This? Facing Parenting Inadequacy Anxiety :: Monday Musing

October 13, 2014 By: babyproofedparents4 Comments

Kirsten’s awesome anxiety tip made a visual pop into my head: a big deck of gross cards, representing the multiple anxieties I had/have about motherhood. It took me a long time to connect with any sort of desire to have children, and when that drive finally became strong enough to push me through the intense fears that had repressed it, I struggled with infertility for over a year before getting pregnant. I had a little time to stack quite a few things to worry about. One of the biggest was in the form of a loaded question: Will I Suck as a Mom?

Most women I’m close with are naturally maternal, and always have been. Genetic’s tendency to skip certain people when handing out qualities, combined with the specifics of my childhood rendered me not naturally maternal. Growing up, my friends sweetly swaddled, fed and held their baby dolls, while mine dressed provocatively, drove around in my shoes (excellent barbie cars on a budget) and reenacted screaming matches between Erica and Palmer from “All My Children.” While I was still light years from wanting a baby, 7 of my close friends got pregnant within a year of each other. I watched each of their journeys, and the beautiful ways they stayed anchored to their natural maternal instincts through all of the struggles they experienced. I scanned myself for such an anchor, and felt lost.

It gets even more messed up. Anxiety has a way of dipping into your past and finding memories/connections to build its strength. It’s as if the anxiety tries to build a “factual” case to support and inflate itself. In third grade science, we had a classroom pet hamster who was pregnant. Our teacher suggested we have a prize drawing for which lucky students would get to take home the babies when they were old enough to become pets. This beautiful lesson on the magic of reproductivity went very wrong, when we arrived at school one morning greeted with the news that the night before, the mother hamster had given birth, and had then eaten her babies. “This is just what happens in the animal kingdom sometimes,” my distraught teacher explained to our open-mouthed, shocked faces.

To be clear – I wasn’t afraid I would eat my babies. But this harrowing memory linked up and added some emotional intensity to my very real fears about motherhood: that I would repeat painful patterns from my childhood with my own children, that I would not be naturally maternally strong enough to get through all of the transitions of parenting, that I wouldn’t be able to bond properly, that I just wouldn’t love them enough.

It took time for everything to warm up in me. I had to have help. I had to be honest with myself and with people close to me. I had to act “as if” I was naturally maternal, until I became naturally maternal. Holy crap, I love these kids. So much that it’s sometimes direct sunlight painful to look at them. I have fear to thank for that.

Ahhhh, anxiety. Our constant, faceted companion. I have learned to appreciate one thing about it. It forces awareness. We all have blind spots, which make us human, and sometimes unexpectedly surface and face-plant trip us. Anxiety has a way of pulling things out of blindness, flooding them with light, sound and imagery. In this way, it preempts and dramatically reduces the risk that you’ll actually make the mistakes you fear. The trick is to then turn down the volume on your fears so you can focus on what’s in front of you, and avoid overcorrecting. Although with love, maybe overcorrecting is kind of okay.

Here’s to Sanity and Hamsters,

Cheryl

Gluten-Free Chicken Tenders :: Friday Foodie

October 10, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

The slow frying of these tenders is what makes them juicy and perfect. If you cook them too quickly, the outside gets overly dark while the inside doesn’t fully cook through, resulting in burnt and chewy chicken. Slow and low is counter to my preference of cooking too fast, too furiously… of doing many things too fast, too furiously. Naturally, there’s a psychological parallel here. Sometimes speed is the need – you have to act impulsively to keep life interesting and honor your gut, even at the risk of burnt, chewy crap. But, making yourself sllloowwww down and catch a breath (ideally engaging your left brain) can make all the difference in quality. All about balance, ya’ll.

Ingredients:

3 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves, cut into strips length-wise (about 4 strips per breast)
1/2 cup white rice flour
2 eggs
3 slices gluten free sandwich bread, finely crumbled
kosher salt
1/4 cup olive oil

Technique:

Grab three medium sized bowls. Put the rice flour in one bowl. In the second bowl, whisk the eggs until well beaten, and put the bread crumbs in the last bowl. Place a large wire rack on your counter (over a couple of paper towels if you want to minimize the mess factor). Line up your bowls, and get ready to dip. One strip at a time, coat the chicken in first the rice flour, then the beaten egg, and then the breadcrumbs, carefully placing the strips on the wire rack to slightly dry. This can get very gooey, so if you have them, use plastic gloves. Don’t worry if you run out of one of your dipping elements, simply pause to crumble up more bread or throw in another beaten egg, until all of the chicken is coated.

Sprinkle the tenders generously with kosher salt. In a large skillet, heat the olive oil over medium to medium low until it’s shimmering, but not smoking hot (like you are). Carefully place the chicken strips in the oil (don’t crowd them, and know that you’ll probably have to cook at least 2 batches depending on the size of your skillet). Fry the strips on the first side for about 5 minutes, and when they’re golden toasty brown, use tongs to flip them to the other side and cook about 3-4 minutes more. Gently press your tongs against the tenders. If they feel squishy, lower the heat to medium low and cook them a minute or two more. When they feel firm and are golden all over, remove them to a clean wire rack and let them cool for about 5 minutes (this time allows them to cook a little longer with the residual heat). Lovely. Dig in!

Cheryl’s Tips:
I photographed the tenders alongside our garlic aioli, a delicious accompaniment. The chicken tastes best the day it’s made, but you can reheat it by toasting in a 350 degree oven for about 7-10 minutes. My favorite way to eat leftovers is chopped and added to a Cobb salad.

Smile extra big as you eat this chicken, knowing you prepared it from 100% love and acceptance, unlike some chicken, at a certain chain restaurant. Just sayin’.

Here’s To Sanity and Slowing Your Roll,

Cheryl

Shooing Away Anxiety :: Tuesday Tip

October 7, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

The Internet is packed with articles teaching readers how to “tame the anxiety monster” or “slay the anxiety dragon”. I personally think of anxiety as an annoying honey bee that won’t leave you alone. It buzzes in your ear, it follows you around and just when you have something really sweet going on in your life, it wants to latch on to you. Bees come in swarms and so do worries. They tend to build on each other and multiply. Very rarely do honey bees actually sting. And very rarely do the things that you are feeling anxious about actually come to fruition. But just the threat of being stung is enough to make you feel edgy and nervous.

I see a lot of anxiety issues in my counseling practice. Expectant moms (and dads!) often worry about whether the pregnancy and birth will go smoothly, and then whether they will be a good parent. Here’s what I explain: When you are expecting or caring for a baby, it is somewhat natural to notice an increase in anxiety. Think about it… you and your partner are creating, and then raising, a little person. That is a BIG responsibility and it is normal to feel a little nervous about it. In some ways the added anxiety is your brain’s way of gearing up for all of the responsibilities of being a parent. Your hormones are on high alert, your sleep is most likely disturbed, and your fight or flight response is in full effect. All possible threats and worse case scenarios seem like very real possibilities. Mama Bear is wide awake and ready to swat any bees that get too close to her cubs. The trick is to keep the anxiety in check and drown out the buzzing so that you can remain calm and focused on the many tasks ahead of you:

Here are five ways to shoo away that buzzing bee of anxiety:

1. Bring yourself back to the here and now: If you take note of what you are feeling anxious about, it is usually in connection to events that haven’t occurred yet. Your imagination is doing a number on you by creating multiple “what if” scenarios. By bringing your focus back to what is happening in the present moment, you can often quiet the nervous chatter. One way to do this is by practicing mindfulness, a simple technique that helps you slow your breathing, take in all sensory data, notice your thoughts without judgement and then bring your attention back to the present. Want more info on mindfulness? Go to this link: helpguide.org.

2. Focus on what you can control: Most of us spend a lot of time fretting over things that are out of our control. It’s exhausting, because we literally can’t do anything about these situations. Letting go of the things you are powerless over and making a list of the things you are doing well or purposefully (which is typically a heck of a lot!) can help you to feel more empowered and less vulnerable.

3. Feel prepared: Information is power. I recommend that you go to the childbirth classes, read the parenting books, and soak in all of the info. The more prepared you feel, the more equipped you will be to deal with whatever comes your way. There’s one caveat: avoid the sections of the books or websites in which they list everything that can possibly go wrong. As I mentioned in the first tip, it is better to focus on what is happening now than to worry about what could be.

4. Take note of what works for you: There are times when individuals feel generalized anxiety, that they just can’t pin on any one thing. That is when self-care activities are especially handy. Not every technique works for every person. Experiment and find out what has the most soothing effect on you. Some options are:

deep breathing
exercise (walking or yoga are favorites)
writing
warm baths
massage
talking to a friend
laughing
prayer or meditation
practicing mindfulness
listening to a guided relaxation recording (I included a favorite below.)
natural anxiety-reducing supplements (which you should always clear with your health care provider)
and in some cases, good ol’ distraction

5. Know when to seek help: Extreme anxiety is nothing to laugh at. Sometimes it can grow to the point where you are having a hard time eating, sleeping or just plain functioning. You might even be having destructive or suicidal thoughts. Any of these conditions indicate that it is time to reach out for extra help and assistance. Talk to your doctor or find a qualified therapist who can help you to sort through your anxiety and determine the best course of action. You do not have to cope on your own!

Here’s the cool thing about being a parent. More often than not, you only face a few challenges at a time. First pregnancy, then the birth, then breastfeeding, then sleep. Somewhere down the line you deal with toddler tantrums. Later on, you have a defiant teenager. You get the picture, the challenges come slowly and gradually. Unlike a beekeeper who has to maintain her zen as she walks into a swarm of bees, a parent only has to deal with a few challenges or obstacles at a time. So shoo that anxiety bee away and tell it go make some honey. You have some parenting and self-care to attend to.

Here’s to Sanity and Beekeeping,

Kirsten

As promised, here is a link to the guided relaxation CD that I listened to approximately one million times when I was pregnant, and then maybe a couple more times when I was a new parent. It is so soothing and lovely, it practically put me to sleep every time. Side 1 is for expectant mamas who want to prepare for childbirth. Side 2 is for new parents who need some relaxation. Enjoy!

The Birth Guy :: Wednesday Wisdom

October 1, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Update 10/2015: Since we interviewed Brian one year ago, a lot of amazing things have been happening for him. He and a team of other dads launched the Rocking Dads Podcast. He went live on Periscope and hasn’t stopped sharing his enthusiasm with the world. And he recently signed contracts in LA with an agent and a producer to launch his own reality show. Look out for The Birth Guy. He’s coming to a screen near you!

Meet Brian Salmon, aka The Birth Guy. Brian is San Antonio’s only actively practicing male doula (or “Dude-La” as he likes to call himself, being a surfer from California). The Birth Guy knew he’d found his calling in birth education and support when he assisted his first birth at 19 years old. Witnessing his daughters, Eva (9) and Daisy (5) both be born by emergency Cesarian delivery reinforced his desire to help parents prepare for childbirth, regardless of how the birth unfolds. Brian is a Certified Lactation Counselor and owns BabyVision Ultrasound, San Antonio’s leader in prenatal imaging. Having worked with over 19,000 expectant families, Brian has taught many childbirth classes and currently facilitates the ever popular Rocking Dads and Facilitating Fearless Birth workshops. Brian has been featured on NBC, FOX, ABC, Univision and the blog, OurMilkyWay.org. And just last week, he began filming a pilot for the new Birth Guy TV Show! We are so excited to feature The Birth Guy on the BPP blog, because his passion for helping new parents is truly one of a kind.

BPP: It is highly unusual to meet a male doula or lactation counselor. How did you find yourself on this career path?

TBG: I sort of fell into it. I was asked to coach a very special birth at the age of 19 while studying pre-med and I loved it. Over the last four years, I have expanded my services and outreach because of the need I’ve seen not only in my community, but in the United States…well, really globally. I saw many birth professionals instill fear in the expectant parents they were working with. I felt like I needed to get out there and make a difference when I realized that too many moms walk away upset and wounded from births.

BPP: You facilitate the wildly popular and very unique Rocking Dads workshops. Your classes are always jam packed. What kind of experience do expectant fathers take away from your workshops?

TBG: I’m going to let the dads speak for me. Here are a few bits of feedback from a book of evaluations I keep:

Brian was awesome. Funny, informative and reassuring. The man definitely knows what he is talking about!
The information about the birth plan was helpful – a lot of great advice about what to do and what not to do.
Brian was excellent – tons of great info in three hours. I feel much better and more prepared. He was understanding and non-judgmental.
All of the advice about breastfeeding and childbirth was great – this workshop could be twice as long.
Brian is no BS – he talks about things at everyone’s level.

Graduates of a Rocking Dads Class

BPP: What are the most common concerns or issues you see with expectant or new dads?

TBG: Most dads need to realize that birth is what mom was designed for, so when she is screaming, moaning, growling, hitting, crying and everything else that happens in labor, he just needs to support and hold space. Dads sometimes feel pushed aside in the process. I teach them to not just be present, but that they have responsibility to be the other half of the parenting team. We cover so much in the class from understanding pregnancy, stages of labor, interventions, breastfeeding, team building, creating a birth plan and millions of other things that go along with the ride.

BPP: You have mastered the skills of lactation educator and counselor/consultant. How do you partner with couples to prepare them for the job of breastfeeding?

TBG: Education, education, education! Some breastfeeding classes are taught, not for success, but by people who want you to hire them when you have problems. I prefer to prepare moms in such a way that they rarely need more than a follow-up phone call after baby arrives. I train the partner to look for common signs of an improper latch, but most of all I encourage them to support and love on mom so that she is calm. It is important for her to take some time to get relaxed with baby. I also train couples to recognize early feeding cues so they have time to latch before the baby freaks out and is screaming for food (which isn’t good for anyone).

BPP: As a birth doula, how do you interact with couples in the delivery room? Do you attend both hospital and home births?

TBG: I go wherever I am needed – different families require different things. Regardless of the birth setting, I make sure that my clients are prepared and that we act as a cohesive unit. When I take on a client, I partner with them on everything: ultrasounds, education, birth visualizations, breastfeeding training and a visit to the hospital or birth center. I love home births as well, but that is a whole other type of doula-ing!

BPP: Do people ever question your ability to advise on breast-feeding or childbirth since you are a man?

TBG: I have definitely experienced healthy doses of reverse discrimination. The only people who ever question my expertise are people who don’t know me or view me as competition (personally, I don’t view other birth professionals as competitors, because there are plenty of expectant couples to help, and that should be our focus!). When an individual gets to know me or takes one of my classes, they get it. There is a reason that multiple lactation consultants support me in teaching free breastfeeding classes every month in San Antonio – I know my stuff!

BPP: Anyone who interacts with you or your website can see that you clearly LOVE your job. You radiate enthusiasm and positivity! What are things you enjoy the most about it?

TBG: I do not feel like I work a day in my life! My favorite moments are when I see a couple embrace with a new kind of intimacy that just radiates love and compassion. I am so excited for all the expectant parents I work with, and even more excited when I know they have really worked hard, together, to achieve the the birth they want. I love when I hear a birth story that may not have been what the couple wanted, but because they were prepared mentally and emotionally, the new outcome does not take away from the joy of a baby and a brand new family dynamic. I love seeing parents really get breastfeeding and work through the speed bumps. And of course, seeing babies be born is a favorite!

BPP: You are a father to two young girls. How does being a dad impact your business and career path?

TBG: It’s more like, how doesn’t it? My girls are phenomenal. They both totally get what I do for work. I often see my clients in public, and they call me “The Birth Guy”. My oldest says that’s the real reason I’m popular, and she may be right! I have learned so much from them both, which translates into a different understanding and perspective in my career. Eva, my oldest, was not at all the pregnancy, birth, or breastfeeding experience I thought she would be. She was exactly the opposite. That paved the way for me to change and redirect my approach/understanding. I learned a new type of compassion which drove me to really teach people what the “dark corners” can be, giving them a metaphorical flashlight. Daisy, my second, was born sick too. We were more prepared, but the journey was different. We were divorcing during the pregnancy, which was horrible. I felt abandoned, while waiting for a baby to arrive, knowing that I would only see both of my kids 1/2 time. It really taught me about strength (and about poor decision-making), and it ultimately shaped me into a much better father, friend and Birth Guy!

BPP: If you had to give one (and we know you have ten million) sanity-saving pointers to expectant or new parents, what would it be?

TBG: Go get educated in birth and breastfeeding, and nurture your relationship, as this will give your baby the best environment. Be careful to not choose mentors who are negative and teach with a fear-based style!

We’ve met a lot of amazing folks in the baby industry, and Brian is one of the true gems. Check out his social media channels and YouTube videos, especially if you are in need of a smile. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us, Brian! C & K ♥

Want more?

Go to The Birth Guy’s website for classes schedules, doula services and great videos: http://thebirthguy.com/

Like Brian on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/brianthebirthguy

Follow @BirthGuy on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/BirthGuy

Find his videos on YouTube…. more to come: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvfvVfZQc06tpHjXWekt9OA

One last thing – here is an ad that The Birth Guy created to advocate for breastfeeding, wherever a mom needs to, even if it is public:

A Crack In My Armor :: Monday Musing

September 29, 2014 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

You’re a real trooper.

I love receiving that compliment and I’m known to frequently dole it out myself.

Other versions of it go something like this: You’re a hoss. You’re super tough. You roll with the punches and keep on rolling.

When I hear these affirmations, I envision a thick-skinned warrior woman, covered in armor. No obstacle can get in her way. She is invincible.

My first pregnancy set me up to achieve full “trooper” status. Aside from experiencing some morning sickness and heartburn, the nine months flew by without incident and ended in a birth that went miraculously as planned. Morphing into a new mom wasn’t quite as seamless, but after I figured out breastfeeding and sleeping, I shifted things into cruise control and focused on falling in love with my new little guy. And fall in love I did.

I’ve got this pregnancy and motherhood thing down, I thought. I’m a real trooper.

When I became pregnant with Baby #2, small cracks began appearing in my armor. This time the path to parenthood wasn’t so smooth. The pregnancy was stressful – a diagnosis of placenta previa, three deaths in our extended family and a little toddler with sensory issues who wanted to prove that the Two’s really are Terrible. When the due date came and went – and then went a little further – our doctor made the decision to induce. My water was broken, the pitocin was pumped into me and that sweet little baby practically rocketed out of my body. I was left feeling drained and wary, unsure if I was ready to care for two babies under the same roof.

As I’ve written before, our challenges did not end there. Our two-week-old baby boy was diagnosed with a medical condition that sent us back to the hospital for observation and surgery. Ten days later, my little newborn and I received the great news that we could return home. But honestly, there was a part of me that didn’t want to leave the hospital, a part that was scared to manage my sickly newborn and testy toddler on my own.

I wanted to be a trooper. I wanted to roll with the punches and keep on smiling. Looking back, I was terribly depressed and not coping very well. I cried a lot during the first few months of being a mother of two. When my husband would come home after a 12-hour work shift, he often found me standing in the driveway, shoulders slumped, desperate for relief. Occasionally, while sitting on a girlfriend’s couch or hovering on a phone call, I would let my guard down and let the tears flow. Most of the time, I tucked my emotions in close and put on an act that I had everything under control. Put on an act that I wasn’t struggling with postpartum depression.

If I could hop in a time machine and go back to that year, I would sit myself down and have a stern talk. “Listen here girlfriend, you don’t have to be so strong. And you definitely don’t have to do this all on your own. Now is not the time to be a trooper and to maintain an illusion of perfection. Now is the time to reach out for help and say, THIS IS HARD, damn it.”

“And let me tell you something else,” I would add before jumping back in the time machine with a flourish. “It won’t always be this hard. Bit by bit, it will get easier and you’ll get your snap back. You’ll go back to work. You’ll go out on the town. You’ll even co-create a super cool blog (wink, wink). But right now, it is hard. So let’s take off the Wonder Woman costume and call in the troops. That’s an order!”

And back to the future, I would zoom.

The saying goes that “the shoemaker’s son has no shoes.” Well in my case, the counselor didn’t get counseling. If I had to do it again, I would pile on the help and support so high, I would be drowning in it.

Being a trooper is an admirable thing, but being a new parent who acknowledges when she or he is struggling and seeks help is even more admirable. When you have a new baby, there is no better time to give your armor, your shields and your weapons a rest and call in reinforcement. Let others hold down the fort and sometimes hold the baby. Let others prepare the meals and maybe wash the dishes. Let others care for you so that you can care for your kids. I definitely wish I had.

Here’s to Sanity and Time Machines,

Kirsten

Pumpkin French Toast :: Friday Foodie

September 26, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Kirsten taught me this twist on a breakfast classic. I love that it provides a healthy balance of protein, veggie-based carbs and fat. Since it doesn’t require pre-soaking the bread or a long baking time, it’s not uncommon for me to quickly throw this together for dinner when I’m in a pinch, with zero complaints from the table.

Ingredients:

8 slices thick-sliced, farm-style bread (the staler the better, use gluten free if you want to be extra healthy)
1 large egg
1/2 cup canned pumpkin
1 t vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
3/4 cup milk or alternative (my favorite is coconut milk)
2 Tablespoons coconut oil for frying (butter or canola oil can also be used)
Maple syrup, honey or agave nectar for dipping (optional)

Technique:

Heat skillet or griddle over medium. Slice bread however you like (my kids like strips for dipping efficiency). Whisk egg, pumpkin, vanilla and cinnamon in a shallow bowl until smooth and well blended, then gradually whisk in milk. Melt coconut oil in skillet until shimmering. Dip bread into pumpkin mixture and carefully add to skillet. Cook about 1-2 minutes on both sides or until golden brown. Serve, eat and swoon.

Cheryl

3 Ways to Get Your Post-Natal Snap Back :: Tuesday Tip

September 23, 2014 By: babyproofedparents1 Comment

About 6 months into my daughter’s life, I still felt tired, fried and puffy-eyed, while she thrived, rosy-cheeked, done with colic and ready to explore. She was sleeping through the night, and most nights I was too. We had breast feeding down, most of my anxiety had subsided and I had returned to work part-time. Our little routine seemed iron-clad. So why did I still feel so crappy?

Once a week, my next-door-neighbor and I would hang out between our houses to share a brew after our babies were down for the night. Her youngest was 2, and she seemed to have it so together. I asked her when she got her snap back, and she laughed, responding, “Ummm, ‘snap’? I STILL don’t have it back!” This helped me more than she knew. She had normalized how long it seemed to be taking me to feel like myself again.

You WILL get yourself back, but it’s a gradual process. It’s like coming out of a depression. You don’t just wake up one morning and think, “Phew – glad that’s over! I’m so HAPPY now!” Recovery is a slow reclamation of small joys. You catch yourself singing along to the radio, savoring the smell from the taco truck of onions cooking, catching your image in the mirror and thinking, “Damn, girl!” Bit by bit, snap returns. As your little one begins to develop a sense of herself, you also REgain a sense of yourself.

Here are three practical ways to speed up the process:

Schedule a Girl’s Night Out. Choose a new restaurant or bar you’ve wanted to try, and get dressed UP. Go out, laugh, relax, and talk about non-parenting things. Be a woman and friend instead of a partner and mommy. A few hours of time with girlfriends, even if only once a month can make a huge difference. Dads/Parenting Partners – do this for yourselves too! You need time away to regroup and remind you of life beyond your baby.
Schedule a pampering treatment. Get a massage, pedicure or facial – something that relaxes you and helps you feel pretty. Treat yourself to a new outfit that fits and looks gorgeous NOW. There’s a road of fit between maternity and pre-pregnancy clothes. Don’t deprive yourself of new things while your body readjusts post-baby, especially if you’re planning on having more.
Take note of even the tiniest physical and emotional improvements you feel. Did you get a full night’s sleep, without waking up to check on your sleeping baby? Did you feel the energy to walk a little further with the stroller? Did you double over laughing at a story a friend shared with you? Did you find yourself in the mood for sex with your partner? Good job, Mama. Mark it.

Looking back, the first noticeable reemergence of “me” occurred around my babies reaching 4 months of age. My kids are now 3 and 5, and I still find myself recovering layers of strength and energy. Hang in there. The road back to yourself can take time, but it’s a beautiful one.

Here’s to Sanity and GNO,

Cheryl

Losing The Weight of Toxic Secrets :: Monday Musing

September 15, 2014 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

We’ve all got secrets, and the varieties are endless:

Things we carry for others.
Things we’ve done that we wish we could undo.
Things we’re doing we wish we could stop.
Things others have done to us.

Our motivations for keeping secrets vary too:

Risk to ourselves: career loss, relationship loss, reputation damage.
More risk to ourselves: we’ve been physically or emotionally blackmailed into hiding the truth.
Risk to others: knowing the truth would hurt them emotionally or physically.
More risk to others: the truth would damage their reputations, relationships or status in their families.

Before having my babies, I once carried a secret for 2 years. I was certain if I revealed what I’d done, it would damage every aspect of my life. In the name of protecting myself and people I cared deeply about, I swallowed it and convinced myself I’d never tell. The sensations I experienced physically and emotionally are as empathically close as I’ve come to what cancer might feel like. It was devouring me. I started having dizzy spells, the worst of which made me miss the toilet and land on my ass in a public restroom – quite the reflection of my mental and emotional state. I had backed myself into a corner – to tell felt supremely scary and selfish, but to not tell was putting me in peril. In his book Family Secrets, John Bradshaw writes, “…there is a risk in disclosing [secrets]. But to do nothing is also to take a risk.”

All secrets are baggage. Some aren’t that heavy. We carry them like fanny packs (so stylish!), and they don’t seem to get in the way. Others flux – sometimes they feel light, but sometimes, when we really think about them, they weigh a Samsonite ton. The worst are the kind that wake you up at night, sit like a cinder block on your chest, cut off your air supply and separate you from people and things you love.

Nesting is a huge part of preparing for a new baby. Expectant parents clean, paint, purge and purchase in an effort to make their physical spaces perfect. But what about emotional preparation? Looking back, I can’t fathom how I would have survived the first years of my kids’ lives if I’d also been trying to hide. You are about to turn your body and your life inside out, and the less baggage you carry on the way in, the more agile you’ll be. Scan yourself for things you’ve buried too long. If you don’t have a close friend or family member to trust, a good therapist can be your vault, carrying the burden alongside you while you figure out what to do with it. The relief that comes with telling can render you stronger than you could have imagined.

Here’s To Sanity and Freedom,

Cheryl

Val’s Spicy Turkey Chili :: Friday Foodie

September 12, 2014 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

I know it’s still sooo hot in Austin, but September means that fall, my favorite season for cooking and clothes, is around the corner. Central Market has started stocking pumpkins, which makes me want to skip through the produce section. So, I’m going to pretend fall is already here and share a nice hot recipe with you. My friend Val is a great cook, and a badass. That’s why this chili is so good. I love how she and her husband James cook together. They take a recipe, prepare it as written the first time, and after sampling it, they modify, modify, modify until it’s perfect. And their version of perfection is so right. Enjoy with a cold IPA and pretend it’s not a 100 degree sauna outside.

Ingredients:

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 cup chopped onion
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped (I have old recipes that refer to cloves as “buttons”, which makes me want to knit a vampire-retardant sweater with garlic buttons on it)
1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper
1 lb ground turkey breast
1/4 cup chopped cilantro leaves
1 bunch lacinato kale, stems removed and leaves coarsely chopped (optional)
3 1/2 cups chicken stock
1 cup beer (Pabst Blue Ribbon, or for a lighter flavor, and so you can still have beer left to drink after measuring the cup for the chili, Sapporo)
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 tablespoon kosher salt (less if you’re sensitive)
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 small can diced green chilis
1 14 1/2 oz can diced rotel tomatoes
1 6 oz can tomato paste
1 can refried black beans

Technique:

In a large dutch oven, heat the olive oil over medium high. Add the onion and sauté until it’s transparent and softened. Add the chopped garlic and continue cooking until the garlic is fragrant, about 1 minute. Add the bell pepper and cook 2-3 minutes more. Then add the turkey breast, and cook, breaking the meat apart with a wooden spoon, until it’s no longer pink. Then you add everything else! I love this part, dumping in a bunch of cans and seasonings and stirring until it’s all smooth. Bring the chili to a boil, then reduce the heat and simmer over medium-low heat, stirring occasionally, for about 45 minutes to an hour, until the liquid reduces and it’s the perfect thickness. I add the optional chopped kale to sneak in some veggies, and top with a little daiya cheese and Veggie Pirate’s Booty for my kids, and for me, a dollop of sour cream and some blistered shishitos for extra heat.

Cheryl’s Tips:

To prevent crying while chopping onions, put on a pair of sunglasses. Not only does it prevent your eyes from stinging/burning, it makes you look amazing in that ironic, “Too Cool for Others” way. If you’re a child of the 80’s, you’re extra awesome, and you can sing this little diddy to the tune of Corey Hart’s “Sunglasses at Night”: “I wear my sunglasses inside, so I can so I ca-an chop onions without tears in my eyes…”

Here’s to Sanity and Fall,

Cheryl

4 Ways to Write Your Worries :: Tuesday Tip

September 9, 2014 By: babyproofedparents2 Comments

Ever feel like you have so many things on your mind, your head is about to explode? I call them Linda Blair moments. I had one last week. I was standing in the middle of my kitchen and felt like my head was spinning out of control, Exorcist-style. I couldn’t figure out what to do first: fold laundry, respond to e-mail, make dinner, schedule a doctor’s appointment, and the list went on … When my head stopped spinning long enough to take action, I grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled out a massive ‘To Do’ list. Everything and anything that was on my mind went down on that paper. I immediately felt a release of tension and a weight lifted off my shoulders. The number of to-do’s hadn’t changed; I just didn’t have to think about them non-stop. They were residing on that piece of paper, not going anywhere and I could tackle them one at a time.

According to neuroscientists, humans think anywhere from 12,000 to 50,000 thoughts per day. I’d be willing to bet that parents think even more. The researchers also claim that up to 98 percent of our daily thoughts are the same ones we had the day before! It’s like having the most annoying CD you can think of, on repeat, in your car stereo, on a 12 hour road trip. No fun. Grabbing a notebook, or a laptop, and downloading your thoughts can help you to clear your head space and move forward with your day. Here’s four ideas for putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and ending the never-ending loop of misery:

Write Your To-Do List: As I described earlier, I’m a big list maker. When I take the time to write out everything I want to accomplish, it helps me to organize my week. It also helps me to focus on one task as a time instead of fretting about all 30 items on my list. My favorite part? Taking a highlighter and crossing completed items off the list. Even the smallest tasks (ie. cleaning out my son’s sock drawer) can feel like a major accomplishment.

Write Your Thoughts: When I bring up journaling with my clients who are struggling with anxiety or depression, most of them say, “Oh, I’ve tried that and I couldn’t stick with it.” That’s when I encourage them to try again. I explain that I’m not asking them to pen an Ann-Frank-style diary that is gorgeously written and going to be published later. We’re talking about pulling out a notebook, a scrap of paper, or a computer and just letting it all out, free-association-style. If you’re worried about something, write. If you’re so excited that you can’t go to sleep, write. Getting the thoughts out of your brain and onto paper will help you to release the tension and might even help you to gain perspective. Journaling is also a healthy and low-cost alternative to addictive behaviors and toxic distractions. You don’t have to write every day… just write when your brain tells you that you need to. And then save it, rip it up, read it to a friend or burn it. Whatever feels right to you.

Write Your Trauma: Just down from the street from us, at UT Austin, Dr. James Pennebaker has been conducting research for years on the positive impacts of journaling, especially for individuals suffering from PTSD. His program, Writing to Heal, is based on the premise that journaling can be even more effective than counseling in many cases. (Bad news for my profession but great news for anyone who has experienced trauma.) If you were an abused child, a soldier in the trenches, or a mother who has endured a difficult birth or a colicky baby, you might find that writing about your experience will help you to process it, purge it and move forward. Want more info? Click here for a great article about Dr. Pennebaker and his Writing to Heal suggestions. (Quick caveat: If your gut tells you that writing about a past trauma might bring up heavy emotions or flashbacks, I encourage you to schedule with an experienced therapist before diving into your memories.)

Write Your Gratitudes: At times, we have so many negative thoughts occupying our brains, it can be hard to squeeze in the positive. Getting in the habit of writing (or typing) a list of things you are thankful for can help you to find your footing and even change your perspective. Almost always, when we start listing them, our gratitudes outweigh our complaints and concerns. Inserting little positive reminders into our thought patterns can help us to feel less burdened by the negative.

Cheryl and I both love to write. Cheryl carries beautifully bound notebooks with her at all times, filled with pages of deep thoughts, doodles and lists. I’m more of a “pull a piece of paper out of the recycling bin and find a crayon” kind of gal. It doesn’t matter how you do it, just do it. You’ll find that writing is one of the most beneficial self-care activities you can indulge in. It’s free, it’s portable and it’s therapeutic. You can’t get much better than that.

Here’s to sanity and Linda Blair,

Kirsten

Picture Imperfect – A Mother’s Social Media Outtakes:: Monday Musing

September 1, 2014 By: babyproofedparents7 Comments

Facebook and I have a love/hate relationship with each other. I love that I can now recognize the sweet faces of extended family when they pick me up at airports across the ocean. We don’t have to start from scratch when catching each other up on years of news. I also love coming across an article or a post that makes me think so hard my brain hurts. And there’s that handful of FB friends who really should have considered stand-up comedy, because their daily descriptions of the most mundane activities make me laugh so whole-heartedly, they test my bladder control.

What do I hate about Facebook? That a typical scroll through my news feed leaves me feeling left out and inferior. I can’t speak for your home page, but on mine, everyone appears to be more involved, more attractive, more fulfilled and more successful in whatever endeavor they happen to be doing at the time. FB feels like the Land of the Mores and I’m hanging out in the Village of Less Than. My friends and counseling clients report similar feelings, so much so that I have begun quietly lobbying for a new therapeutic diagnosis: Social Media Syndrome – when your Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest accounts make you feel like crap. (You’ll notice that I left out Twitter, because people who tweet tend to tell you when they are having a rotten day, therefore making you feel more mainstream.)

I came across a quote recently that summed up my Facebook experience:

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steven Furtick

Amen, Steven. Facebook is not known for being a place of transparency and rawness. It’s more akin to a polished online scrapbook in which people showcase their best photos and their best days, with witty captions attached. It used to be the magazines and movies that made us feel like we had to live up to a certain ideal. Now, it is frequently our own peer group. While sitting in our toy-filled, chaotic houses, many of us parents compulsively view our friends’ sanitized, customized, Instagram-ed greatest hits. It’s like daily torture for the psyche.

You would think with all of my whining, that I would have kicked Facebook to the curb. I haven’t. If I’m being honest, I enjoy editing and presenting my own carefully crafted highlight reel. It’s a little bit art form, a little bit news sharing, and a lot of trying to score as many “likes” as possible. Alas, I’m no better than the rest of ’em. Here’s an example of a pic that made my FB cut a few years ago:

The caption next to this photo read: Sunday brunch with my boys. After posting it, I got a gazillion “likes” and a whole stream of sweet comments, including “Gorgeous family!” “ Do you ever change?” “Cute boys.”

Now let me give you this photo’s must-have-happened back-story. My husband must have been home that morning which allowed me to actually take a shower, in peace. I’m wearing a dress, which means hubby gave me a few extra minutes to shave my legs. My hair is brushed and not pulled pack in a rubber band; apparently no one threw a tantrum or needed a time-out before I finished with the hair dryer. A Curious George episode might have been involved. Everyone appears to have slept through the night – my face doesn’t look gaunt or puffy. The photo was snapped right after we arrived at the venue because my sons’ outfits (Hello – what was I thinking with the white shirt??) are spotless. (I can guarantee you that a few minutes later, that white shirt was adorned with some large, ketchup-colored stain.) One of the boys is smiling. He must have been excited about the dessert he was about to get. The other boy isn’t smiling, but hey, he isn’t crying, yelling, hitting or running. Score!! Take the photo, quick!!

Aaaand, we captured the perfect moment.

Most of our moments are not perfect. In fact, they are far from perfect. Since we’re being real here, I’ll share some parenting pics that didn’t make it to Facebook. And for good measure, I’ll attach the captions that could have been:

I just squeezed out a gigantic, screaming infant and I’m exhausted, but isn’t he gorgeous?

Yes, my nostrils, eyes and hair are fun to stick fingers in. All of the time. Said no mom ever.

You are a man-child and you really want me to hold you? Ok, c’mon up baby.

Is his life jacket suffocating him? Is he too hot? Can my worry lines get any more creased?

Stick a fork in me, I’m done. Kids are finally in bed. Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me. Don’t even come close enough to focus that camera. Just. Don’t.

Yes, we’re doing bath time, for the 245th time this year. Need anything?

This is my favorite, clearly taken by a four year old. I call it, “A Typical Day in the Life”, complete with teething baby, glasses, sweats, folded laundry, stacking cups and…mess.

So there you have it, my behind-the-scenes. They’re not pretty, they’re not shiny and they didn’t make the Facebook cut. But they are real and authentic, and they’re my life.

When my clients complain about the insecurities that social and mainstream media trigger for them, I encourage them to envision the back-stories. For every perfect photo, there are ten outtakes that were not so perfect. Even actress Olivia Wilde admitted that her infant son peed all over her couture dress during her latest breast-feeding photo-shoot for Glamour. After being a therapist for many years, and having hundreds, maybe thousands of clients sit on my couch, I’ve observed that everyone has their pee-accidents, their gunk and their bad days. Everyone. Sometimes the folks that look the shiniest and most polished on the outside are the messiest on the inside.

Ten years ago we admired our friends’ scrap books and special photo albums once a year, if that. Now we look at them every hour. Limit your usage and take breaks from social media when needed. Or get off of Facebook and social networks all together if they are bringing you down. That will give you more time to enjoy your own messy outtakes and unique lifetime movie. It might not be perfect, but it’s all yours. And that equals perfection in my book.

Here’s to sanity and pee-soaked couture,

Kirsten

Yes, that is a posed, Photoshopped head-shot pictured above. (Part of my highlights reel, for sure.)

And now that I have completely bashed social media, here is your opportunity to share. ; )

Oven Roasted Beets :: Friday Foodie

August 29, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Beets: Nature’s Cupcakes. I’m just trying to help them out – brussels sprouts have such a following and are so very sexy, while substantial, stable beets get overlooked. My mom had a huge garden, and one summer it seemed we were eating beets every night. I was afraid to try them, and she suggested that I close my eyes, take a bite and think about corn on the cob (which I loved). It worked. They have such a rich, earthy flavor, and the butter and salt makes it pop. You can also sauté the beet greens over medium high heat in a teaspoon of coconut oil for about 4 minutes (much longer and they get slimy), add a little salt, and fully enjoy this 2-in-1 delicious veggie.

Ingredients:

1 bunch fresh purple or gold beets
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
1 tablespoon chopped flat-leaf parsley
1 teaspoon kosher salt

Technique:

Beets are usually very dirty, so be sure to clean them well to avoid the nightmare of crunchy dirt on your plate. Cut the greens off the beets, and if you want to cook them later, wash the greens and store them in a sealed container until you’re ready for them. Thoroughly scrub the beets, cut off the roots, and then slice the beets into 1/4 inch thick half moons. I cut the whole beet in half across the width, then lay the cut side down on my cutting board, slice it in half across the length, and then cut my half moon slices across both halves. In a large mixing bowl, toss the sliced beets with the olive oil and butter, then spread them out on a foil-lined baking sheet. Roast them for 25 minutes in a 450 degree oven. Place them in a clean mixing bowl, add the parsley and kosher salt and mix well. Mmmm. That’s some cupcake.

Cheryl’s Tips:

To he or she who does the eating, but not the cooking: lavishing compliments + doing the dishes = foreplay.

Here’s To Sanity and Stability,

Cheryl

Unmet Expectations – 3 Ways to Cope with Parenting Disappointments :: Tuesday Tip

August 26, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

A lot of moms and partners experience some sort of let down during pregnancy, birth and the first few months with their newborns. Maybe you hoped to have a girl, and felt a twinge when you got the ultrasound results. Maybe breastfeeding was insanely difficult, and you had to switch to formula sooner than you’d planned. Maybe you went in ready for a vaginal delivery, and ended up having a c-section. Maybe you thought your newborn would be a sleeping angel, but he turned out to be a very active night owl. Even the most flexible people have at least a vague idea of how they’d like things to go, and when those hopes and expectations aren’t met, it’s very normal to feel at least a little sad and/or angry. Although we’re usually pretty good at normalizing other people’s struggles, many of us experience guilt when it’s our turn to face our own version of disappointment.

Disappointment, when it’s left bottled up, can make you more susceptible to depression and/or anxiety, so it’s very important to acknowledge it. A common reframe we use in Therapy World is this: “What would you say to a friend who was experiencing the same thing?” Almost always, the answer is some version of this: “I’d tell them I’m sorry it happened that way. I’d hug them and tell them it’s okay to be sad.” I never hear, “What’s wrong with you? Get a grip! What do you have to be upset about?” It feels terrible to even write words like that – I can’t imagine saying them to someone. Yet, somehow, it’s very easy to say to myself when I’m going through difficult emotions.

Here are some strategies for airing out the inevitable changes in your best laid plans, for any stage of parenting:

Prepare as much as you can mentally for the reality that not everything will go according to plan. Try to “hold on loosely” to your visions of pregnancy, birth and the postpartum months.
Let it flow. If you notice anger or sadness welling up over unmet expectations, allow yourself a good cry, an intense journal entry, or a venting session with a trusted friend or therapist.
Once you’ve allowed yourself to feel your feelings, use gentle methods to redirect yourself and assimilate the change. Instead of saying, “Snap out of it!”, try reflecting on something positive. My midwife used to remind me that “chaos creates new flow,” and I still grab for that phrase when I’m going through a change in plans.

Here’s To Sanity and Flow,

Cheryl

The Child Sleep Consultant :: Wednesday Wisdom

August 20, 2014 By: babyproofedparentscomment

Meet Lori Strong. She is a Certified Child Sleep Consultant and a Certified Happiest Baby Educator. She is also the founder and owner of Strong Little Sleepers, which was built on the idea that all families need and deserve to get a good night’s sleep. Lori was the first certified child sleep consultant in Austin, Texas and was honored as Best Sleep Expert at the 2013 Austin Birth Awards. Additionally, she is a member of the International Association of Child Sleep Consultants. That’s a lot of sleep credentials! Lori combines her experience as an educator and a parent to offer customized sleep plans and support to families with children ages 0-6 across the country. We are overjoyed to feature Lori’s expertise today because most new parents we know can benefit from some trustworthy sleep advice.

BPP: How did you decide to become a sleep consultant and educator for new parents?

LS: My children were my inspiration! I have an 8 year old son and a 5 year old daughter. I was a teacher before I had kids, so I’ve always been passionate about education. I moved to Austin when I was 34 weeks pregnant and had no family or support system in place right before I had my son. We took classes, but nobody taught me anything about sleep other than to say that “babies sleep a lot”. That advice didn’t help much when my son struggled with sleep and was difficult to soothe. While holding a fussy baby in one arm and reading book after book in the other, I navigated through a ton of information about sleep and put together a plan to help him sleep better. It worked! Before I knew it, I was helping friends and family with their babies and they were all sleeping better too. I realized that so many parents were struggling with sleep and were overwhelmed about where to start in order to make things better. Supporting them made it possible for them to make changes. I decided to become a Certified Child Sleep Consultant because I wanted to take my informal training to a higher level so that I would be prepared to work with all kinds of sleep issues. I love teaching families about how child sleep develops and can be improved, and seeing their families transform when they start to get more sleep.

BPP: What is the age range of children that you consult on?

LS: I work with families who are expecting children through 6 years old. I offer newborn “What to Expect” sleep workshops and Happiest Baby on the Block newborn calming classes to expecting parents and new parents of babies under 4 months. For children over 4 months of age, we are able to begin sleep training if necessary.

BPP: What are the most common sleep issues that parents present to you?

LS: The biggest issues I see are struggles with naps– either they aren’t happening at all or they are very short.

The other main issue I am presented with involves children needing something to put them to sleep, such as rocking or other motion, food, etc… and then they don’t stay asleep. Older children may often come out of their rooms or have difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep without a parent present. There’s such a range of sleep issues depending on the age of the child!

BPP: How do you partner with parents to help them with sleep issues? What does a typical consultation look like?

LS: I offer three levels of support to parents: email, phone, and in-home visits. Each option begins with filling out an intake form. If the parents choose the email support, I communicate through the intake form so we can have a conversation and create a plan through email. The parents then implement recommended changes and use further email as needed to report back to me, ask questions, and celebrate your success. Phone consultations are typically an hour long (Skype is great because we can talk face to face from a distance.) We come up with a plan to help your child sleep better. After our talk, I follow up with a written plan that covers everything we talked about so you can refer to it while making your changes. Once you get started making changes, I support families for two weeks with follow up phone calls and emails. The in-home visit is very similar except that it is a 2-hour consultation in your home, which gives the extra support that comes with meeting someone in person. I also get to meet the children that way, which is one of my favorite parts of the consultation.

BPP: Do you subscribe to any particular infant-sleep philosophies or systems?

LS: I don’t follow one system or method because every child and family is different. I believe that some babies are born as really good sleepers, but some need to be taught how to self-soothe and become strong sleepers. Sleep is a biological need that we all have and the sleep needs of a child are different to those of an adult. I take various aspects of the family into consideration when creating a sleep plan for them which includes sleep environment, temperament of the baby, feedings, timing of sleep, and how the child falls asleep. My plans are very personalized; method is only one part of them.

BPP: What are your thoughts on co-sleeping with an infant?

LS: Controversial question! The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends co-sleeping (sharing a room) with your infant for the first six months of life to help reduce the risk of SIDS. Having a crib or bassinet in the same room as the parents or a co-sleeper attached to the bed are great ways to do this. This can also aid in breastfeeding success. Bed-sharing is not recommended because the SIDS risk is much higher when a baby is placed on a soft mattress with loose bedding and extra people in the bed. My goal is to make sure that when I work with a family, that they are practicing safe sleep. If a family chooses to bed-share, there are precautions that need to be made (just as we take precautions with a safe crib) to ensure the baby will be safe. There are many families that do this and it works well for them. If it is not working for everyone, then I think it’s best to make changes so that the entire family can sleep better. Whether you co-sleep or not, a baby still has certain biological sleep needs that need to be met. That doesn’t change with their sleep location.

BPP: Do you ever advise parents of twins or multiples?

LS: Yes! I’ve worked with many families of multiples. I admire these parents so much because they have super powers! Parents of multiples need to be organized. Keep charts in the bedroom so you can track feedings and sleep for each child. It’s helpful if each parent is responsible for one child at night (if possible). If this isn’t possible, try to employ the help of a relative or friend in those first few months. Scheduling becomes really important for twins because if they are on opposite schedules, your entire day can be spent feeding and trying to get babies to sleep, which is incredibly stressful and exhausting.

BPP: Do you have one suggestion that parents can use right now to help their children sleep better?

LS: An earlier bedtime is a magic bullet. It sounds crazy, but putting your child to sleep earlier will help them sleep longer. This is also true for babies! When children are overtired, they have a harder time falling asleep and staying asleep. If you make an earlier bedtime a priority when trying to improve sleep, your child will begin to get deeper sleep and will eventually sleep longer. This doesn’t mean they will sleep until 10 am, but it really helps in getting them quality sleep. Families always look at me a little funny when I suggest this, but it really does help!

BPP: Do you believe that infants and older children should get a certain number of hours of sleep? Is there a chart that you refer to?

LS: Studies show that children need various hours of sleep during the day and at night depending on their age. I refer to charts by Richard Ferber, the American Academy of Pediatrics, as well as the National Sleep Foundation, but they are suggestions and averages. I focus on the quality of sleep vs. the quantity of sleep when I work with families. If the environment is conducive for a child to sleep and they are given a consistent way to sleep, most children will respond by having healthy sleep habits, will get the necessary sleep they need and will appear to be well-rested and generally happy. I offer a free child sleep expectations guide on my website. You can download it at my website.

BPP: Lastly, do you have any sanity-saving suggestions for parents who are struggling with sleep-deprivation?

LS: Know that you are not alone and that it is possible to make positive changes. I really recommend working with a sleep consultant because chances are, if you’re sleep deprived, you’re too tired to read the books. If you’re looking online for information, you will come up with thousands of articles for and against each other. It can be so daunting and overwhelming and you might want to give up before you even get started. It’s important to understand that it can take some time to see changes, but if you’re consistent, things will really improve.
I also encourage new parents to ask for and accept help! And never trade clean dishes or a clean house for a nap.

For more information about working with Lori or to download a free child sleep expectations guide, visit her website at http://www.stronglittlesleepers.com

We also recommend that you follow Strong Little Sleepers on Facebook and Twitter for sleep tips, news, and giveaways. You can participate in Lori’s bi-weekly Nap Chat Happy Hours – ask a child sleep question and get an answer on the spot, for free!

Thanks again for answering all of our questions, Lori. We wish that we had known you when we were new, sleep-deprived parents!

C & K ♥

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